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Kollel wives and anyone else who cares....



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thesoundofmusic




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 6:45 am
I would love to share a very difficult issue that I am going through. I would love to hear peoples opinions and thoughts. I would also like to know if other kollel wives have gone through this as well.
so BH I have been zoche tho be a kollel wife for 13 years. my husband loves to learn and is very fulfilled in his learning. I work very hard, and we live a very very modest life. we never buy anything more than we need, we go out to eat 2 times a year and we have gone on two simple shabbos vacations twice in 13 years of marrige. we have always had enough to buy nice food ( although there are always many items I would love to buy and just cant, and pay our bills, buy our kids bikes and skates and nice simple clothes. mamash the minimum. 2-3 shabbos dresses, one nice shabbos sweater for the boys. there are many things we would love to buy, many things that need to get fixed and painted in our house, furniture that we need and more, that we just cant usually afford, when we get a present or have a tiny bit extra we choose one important thing on the list and do it. we are superresponisible when it somes to spending.
ok so I think I painted a clear picture of our life more or less.
so about two years ago we had then 5 children bli ayin hara, expenses started to soar, I was really really really burnt out from working so much, having kids, nursing them... keeping house (no houehold help:) and we started talking about hubby doing something part time. so it took a while to sort things out, my husband started taking acourse in one area that he wanted to work in and also has a natural talent in another that he can work in.... a year and half ago I gave birth, the baby was not an easy baby, crying all the time, corona year, kids at home, me working ont he zoom- I am a teacher... basically a crazy year. by the end of the year we decided that I would take a sabatical. (teachers in Israel can get a sabatical every 7-10 years). everyone was really happy for us, cause they knew how hard I had been working all these years and what a crazy corona year it had been.
do we started off the year with a tiny tiny income for 8 - like around 4,000 shekels. hubby is working hard trying to build up his new buisness,I get a tiny sabatical income and I still ahvent gotten unemployment, I am on my sabatical after 13 years of hard work and 6 kids bli ayin hara.
now here it goes. I dont expect anyone to come forward and offer financial support, everyone has their own story, their own expenses.... it would be quite heart warming if some one would... because everyone has nice incomes and lives quite comfortably...but....no one has. not only have parents , inlaws, brothers, sisters... expressed no interest whatsoever, no empathy, no care, they seem to be totally oblivious of our situation. questions like: hey why dont you get a housekeeper, how many times a week do you order pizza for your kids? we are going on vacation for a week to italy... do you need anything from the gmach? (no I need a winter coat for my 10 year old thank you!) are the kind of sentences im hearing.
honestly I am so hurt that everyone is just being oblivious. I dont think they are doing it to be mean. I just dont think you need to be a rocket scientist to get that 4,000 shekels for a family of 8 is beyond not happening. I am trying to be dan lechaf zechut, and not be angry, I just dont understand it. I couldnt buy anything special for chanukah. pashut no cash. no one came forward. hubby told mil- who is wonderful about our situationa nd she said she would give us something, still didnt get anything, and I dont know how much. we have a bar mitzva coming up in a few months and noone has mentioned a thing..... I hope I dont sound entitled. I am not. I dont expect help. but I think that love, compassion and empathy would mean so much. I would very much appreciate help but I dont expect it.
I wonder if others have gone through this, if this is a kollel issue- like- " your fault that you have been in kollel" which is also weird, because both families very much value Torah, and respect learning. or its just like everyone lives thier own lives and too bad just manage......
I fanyone has any thing to say or wants to share something similliar I would appreciate it.....
chanukah sameach
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Tirza




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 8:21 am
I’ve never been in your situation, but I think it’s perfectly normal for you to want some emotional support from your family as you go through this difficult time.
I wish you a lot of hatzlacha.
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thesoundofmusic




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 28 2021, 8:27 am
thank you. that means a lot to me.
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