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I do not want to give chanukah gift because I am not happy
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 2:46 pm
with my 3 year olds morah.

A gift or cash is supposed to be an expresison of appreciation for hard work and a job very well done. I don't feel this morah does an amazing job at all.
There were too many stories already since the begining of the year, and I am simply not happy with her.
There is nothing abusive that would warrant taking my child out of the group, but I would defenitely not send another child there.
I want to just skip a chanuka gift, but my husband said she will notice and won't treat our child well.
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#Happymom




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:01 pm
then look at is as bribery - she will definitely be nice to your kid if you give her something.

also, basic hakaras hatov - she watches your kid every day, even if she does nothing else, show her some gratitude.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:03 pm
#Happymom wrote:
then look at is as bribery - she will definitely be nice to your kid if you give her something.

also, basic hakaras hatov - she watches your kid every day, even if she does nothing else, show her some gratitude.


Um, I pay her for this???
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amother




Peachpuff
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:06 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Um, I pay her for this???


Payment isn't appreciation. It's just keeping your end of the agreement.
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causemommysaid




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:06 pm
Although you might be right, she will treat your child better if you give a nice gift. You are doing it for your child not her.
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amother




NeonBlue
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:06 pm
I had a really lousy teacher one year.

I told my mother I didn't want to give her mishloach manos because she was mean.


My mother insisted. Turns out we were the only ones to bring her mishloach manos, and she was so, so nice to me for the rest of the year.



Maybe it's not right, but teachers are human too, and if a small present will help, it's worth it.
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causemommysaid




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:07 pm
amother [ Peachpuff ] wrote:
Payment isn't appreciation. It's just keeping your end of the agreement.


Gifts and tips are only for good service which the teacher may not be providing.

Although in this case I would give anyway. It's not the same as a rude waiter. This can have repercussions on your child.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:10 pm
amother [ Peachpuff ] wrote:
Payment isn't appreciation. It's just keeping your end of the agreement.



I don't appreciate her.

But, like my husband and some posters are saying, I should bribe her so that she will treat my child well.
I hear. What a world.
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amother




Birch
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:12 pm
causemommysaid wrote:
Although you might be right, she will treat your child better if you give a nice gift. You are doing it for your child not her.

Yes.
Also, if you really aren't happy why would you keep your kid there? It's not fair to your child.
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Chayalle




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:13 pm
I had a seminary teacher who told us that we should increase our gifts to the teachers when our child is not having such a great year - as bribery.

Always be your child's advocate. The rest is just fluff. So yeah, teachers, if you get a special gift from me, that might just mean I'm trying to bribe you to be nice to my kid.....
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amother




Jean
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:15 pm
I don't think these types of bribes work. If I got a gift from a difficult student it didn't make me love them any more or less.
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amother




Birch
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:16 pm
amother [ Jean ] wrote:
I don't think these types of bribes work. If I got a gift from a difficult student it didn't make me love them any more or less.

It's not abt loving the child. It's about thinking the parents really like you and psychologically that gives you a boost to go out of your way for their child etc.
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amother




NeonBlue
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:23 pm
Chayalle wrote:
I had a seminary teacher who told us that we should increase our gifts to the teachers when our child is not having such a great year - as bribery.

Always be your child's advocate. The rest is just fluff. So yeah, teachers, if you get a special gift from me, that might just mean I'm trying to bribe you to be nice to my kid.....



I don't see it as a bribe.

More that it gives them positive associations about the child.

My son is difficult. So he takes more out of the rebbi than most of the kids in the class. I could understand rebbi losing his patience. Getting a check makes him more tolerable.
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groovy1224




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:26 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I don't appreciate her.

But, like my husband and some posters are saying, I should bribe her so that she will treat my child well.
I hear. What a world.


This is one of those you can be right or you can be smart situations.

I hear you. It physically hurts me sometimes to have to tip or pay extra for something when I don't feel it's deserved. But I do it because NOT doing it would be shooting myself in the foot.
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amother




DarkGreen
 

Post Mon, Nov 29 2021, 3:27 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
with my 3 year olds morah.

A gift or cash is supposed to be an expresison of appreciation for hard work and a job very well done. I don't feel this morah does an amazing job at all.
There were too many stories already since the begining of the year, and I am simply not happy with her.
There is nothing abusive that would warrant taking my child out of the group, but I would defenitely not send another child there.
I want to just skip a chanuka gift, but my husband said she will notice and won't treat our child well.


I hear you.

I had that when my oldest was in kindergarten, which I think a lot of you call pre-1A.

We spoke to our rabbi about removing the child from the school, but were advised, politically not halachically, to rough it out, as we wanted that child, and other kids, there in future years. But she was really all that bad.

In the end, we contributed to the class Chanukah gift. End of year, we refused. When the class parent very kindly said she'd put my kid's name on the gift anyway, and the child should contribute a picture, I said absolutely not. It took years of therapy for my child to recover the self esteem she crushed under her heel, with the greatest glee.

I need to calm down. Its been years, but I still get angry.

I guess I say give something. She sounds like the type of expletive deleted who would take it out on your kid. And don't send any other kids there.
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toysrus




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 6:33 am
I'm a teacher and I never treat kids differently if they've given me gifts, and not because im special just cos you dont link the too and how long do you actually remember the gift
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bsy




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 6:43 am
I have a related question. Do you all tip separately, in addition to what was collected from all the students??
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Amelia Bedelia




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:11 am
toysrus wrote:
I'm a teacher and I never treat kids differently if they've given me gifts, and not because im special just cos you dont link the too and how long do you actually remember the gift

You don't remember but your mind does.
My sister is a preschool teacher and she recently reported that she once had a student who wasn't especially adorable, just a regular four year old. One day she commented, "You know, she's actually a very cute child." Later, she found an envelope with a tip from that student in her pocket. There's a reason why the Torah forbids a judge from accepting shochad. Disclaimer: I'm not comparing bribing teachers to bribing in the courtroom. Somehow it seems halachically ok in the classroom, but it definitely makes a difference, even if you don't notice or don't remember.
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amother




Blonde
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:16 am
toysrus wrote:
I'm a teacher and I never treat kids differently if they've given me gifts, and not because im special just cos you dont link the too and how long do you actually remember the gift


I'm now wondering if you're my kid's English teacher.
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amother




Gardenia
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:29 am
Maybe I am your kid's English teacher!!!
I feel the same.
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