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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Mon, Nov 29 2021, 12:16 pm

It seems my teen has been addicted to watching movies since Corona lockdown.
We are trying to limit and monitor access as much as we can… ( I know they’re smarter than us, but hope with the leeway we give they don’t take it further..)
We recently heard back that he has spoken to a relative about it offering access to watch and introduce them to movies…
Now I feel like he is a risk to others and am just overwhelmed with the pressure etc….
Can this have a good ending?
Did you have experience that ended well?
Tell me about it please!

Success10

Mon, Nov 29 2021, 12:36 pm

Firstly, what kind of movies are we talking? Regarding change, your teen has to be on board. He has to want to change. He may feel bad about the situation and actually agree to a weaning off program.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, Nov 29 2021, 12:41 pm

If it's an actual addiction, it's not enough to just stop. Addiction is complex, and there is often an underlying problem that caused the addiction to begin with. This doesn't mean the underlying problem is huge. But if he's dependent on a distraction due to anxiety, depression, or boredom, for example, stopping will just make him seek out something else.

sequoia

Mon, Nov 29 2021, 12:43 pm

You mean like regular movies, say on Netflix?

That’s normal...

amother

Hyacinth

Mon, Nov 29 2021, 12:47 pm

That was me, OP. Sneaking behind my mothers back and watching movies every night. Not bad stuff. I just enjoyed the escape. When I went to seminary I stopped cold turkey because I did want to stop. And BH I turned out great;)

amother

Mon, Nov 29 2021, 1:44 pm

sequoia wrote:

You mean like regular movies, say on Netflix?

That’s normal...

Afaik not R rated.
What about the introducing a female relative to movies…is that a concern? Also normal.

Sometimes I wonder if his friends moms who have no clue their kid is doing this are better off?

amother

Mon, Nov 29 2021, 1:49 pm

Double post

amother

NeonOrange

Mon, Nov 29 2021, 1:56 pm

If one views that secular culture is 100% at odds with frumkeit, it's hard to see how this can work.

The reality is, Torah was made for this world and for managing all we encounter.

It's not all or nothing.

If a parent treats something like this as a make or break thing for their child, then the child may as well in a not good way. They will conclude there's Torah life OR movies, etc.

If a parent treats something like this as a part of life to manage along with mitzvos and shabbos, etc., then the child will iyh stay connected to Torah and mitzvos etc. A child will conclude "There's Torah life AND movies...." And iyh, stay connected with Torah life and what's important. Hopefully, they will learn to replace movies with other healthier things that you hope that they will want more.

amother

Red

Mon, Nov 29 2021, 2:06 pm

I think you can tell him not to share movies and the idea of movies with others without checking with you first as it is not a secret and perfectly ok, and you trust him, but not everyone feels the same.

You don’t want an element of shame, but you can make it an issue of trust and parental discretion. If he feels trusted and valued and it is a privilege, he is less likely to overstep.

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