Jekyll and Hyde- which personality disorder is this?

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:13 am

If a child (9 years old) is an amazing, happy, obedient kid most of the time, but then maybe once or twice a week, he becomes an absolute terror for an hour or 2, is chutzpadig, hurts people, throws things, and absolutely doesn't obey your commands, what is that called?

I'm worried about him because my fil had the same disorder. He was pleasant, but when he blew up, he blew up badly, and for no obvious reason.

Success10

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:17 am

Try to isolate the triggers. Hunger. Bad sleep the previous night. Sugar/food coloring (I don't usually believe in that stuff, but I see it triggers my normally sweet boy BIG TIME, if he has sweets or food coloring, he has to go outside right afterwards so he doesn't start going crazy in the house)

Also, it's not a personality disorder. He's 9. Try to help him figure it out. IY"H he'll get through it.

amother

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:20 am

Lack of sleep definitely plays a roll. If he goes to sleep late one night, I know I'm doomed the next day. But life happens, and sometimes he has to be up past his bedtime.

amother

Amaranthus

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:20 am

I would assume something happened or a food is triggering it. See if there is a pattern and if all the incidents have the same trigger.

amother

Darkblue

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:23 am

Not all bad behavior is a disorder. Especially in a 9 yr old.

amother

Red

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:25 am

the way you describe this type of tantrum frequency etc is not a personality disorder nor jekyll hyde....would not pathologies. is he your oldest?
would focus on best way to prevent and contain if/when happens
hatzlocha

imaima

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:29 am

I thought it was bipolar but it probably doesn't apply to a child

amother

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:38 am

Dh always told me his father had bipolar. But there were no manic episodes, so I'm confused.

If you would see how ds behaves when he is in a bad mood, you might be more willing to say it's a problem. I do not believe in potching, but I potched him twice in the last episode and my other kids agreed that it was absolutely necessary. He is absolutely awful!

imasinger

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:48 am

If you think his meltdowns are unsafe, get him properly evaluated.

Parenting classes are useful in figuring out challenging children, too.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:48 am

I don't think its helpful - or even possible - to diagnose young children with personality disorders. Children come in all shape and sizes and they often surprise you as they grow up.

Speaking from experience (I have married kids).

amother

Blush

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:49 am

I get it.

Find a good OT who works on emotional regulation. You want someone to help him learn to read his body and respond so that when a frustration comes, it doesn't turn into an explosion a minute later. The OT can, through both fun and relaxing activities, slowly guide him to find his own activities and actions to respond to both environmental and internal triggers.

Meanwhile, label all emotions when you see them, and any physical changes you see. If he furrows his forehead just before everything explodes, or goes rigid, try to catch it and intercept if possible, even with something really rewarding, to stop the process. Then, while he's happily doing whatever, or later, help him label the emotion he had and reward him again for curbing it- even though you helped. It will get the learning process going.

Your FIL likely also has issues with emotional regulation, which can happen for various reasons. Bipolar is only one of them. He likely got no help with it- your kid will be different.

amother

Red

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:50 am

Potching would not help
Get a professional involved
Hatzlocha

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:58 am

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

Find a good OT who works on emotional regulation. You want someone to help him learn to read his body and respond so that when a frustration comes, it doesn't turn into an explosion a minute later. The OT can, through both fun and relaxing activities, slowly guide him to find his own activities and actions to respond to both environmental and internal triggers.

THIS. Professional help is the way to go here and sensory/OT can be so helpful. You MUST find a really good one though - not all of them are.

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

Your FIL likely also has issues with emotional regulation, which can happen for various reasons. Bipolar is only one of them. He likely got no help with it- your kid will be different.

Yup. Exactly this. I also had a grandparent who had been diagnosed with bipolar but looking back, it may have been something else. There is a lot more knowledge out there these days.

amother

NeonYellow

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 9:00 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Lack of sleep definitely plays a roll. If he goes to sleep late one night, I know I'm doomed the next day. But life happens, and sometimes he has to be up past his bedtime.

Why does he have to be up past his bedtime once or twice a week?
Sending hugs!
I have a child with behavior challenges that I am just beginning to learn how to handle appropriately.
Avoiding triggers is a big deal, although I'm slowly learning What those triggers are, so by now I know the triggers maybe 50 percent of the time...

SuperWify

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 9:36 am

Does that mean that 70% of 9 year olds suffer from some disorder?

If a child is hungry tired out emotionally overloaded simple math means a breakdown.

amother

Forsythia

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 9:51 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Did it help?

SG18

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 9:57 am

I really don't like that you said when you hit your kid, your "other kids agreed that it was absolutely necessary." Why are they involved in your decision making? Including other children in discipline will pit them against each other and create an unhealthy dynamic.

Besides for the fact that hitting doesn't teach a lesson. It stops an action. Hitting should not be used unless something dangerous is going on. Otherwise, all it teaches is that hitting is acceptable.

Della

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 11:36 am

It sounds like you really care about your child. You said that he is usually an amazing kid and that’s really nice. It’s so hard raising kids.

However it’s very concerning that when he doesn’t act the way you would like or in an unacceptable manner to say that he is awful. If I can be so bold as to say hitting him in front of the other children or telling them about it (which ever happened) and having them agree that he needed it is very very disturbing.

You’re setting him up to be a scapegoat. He will become the bad child and as he gets older he will internalize that message and prove to himself and to you just how bad he is. You do not want a teenager who is determined to prove how bad he is. You do not want a child to feel that he is bad. No child is bad.

You may think that I’m over reacting and I hope I am.

But I do not think I am.

If you feel the need to discipline him do it privately do not tell your other children about it. Make sure he always knows that he is inherently worthy of love— because he is. Make sure he knows that his behaviors have no effect on how much you love him unconditionally.

As far as what is going on currently with him he is only nine. I seriously doubt that he has a personality disorder. Pursue avenues of parenting classes therapy etc. But try to rid your self of the feeling and the thought that he is bad.

No child is bad.

mizle10

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 12:46 pm

My 10 year old is like that.... She completely loses herself at the drop of a hat. Screaming, chutzpah, animal like growling, kicking on the floor like a toddler.

I know what a meltdown looks like.

I also know of she is tired or hungry she will get ticked off much more easily.

I don't consider her to have a personality disorder... she's a child. Probably needs some help with executive function.

I would also never hit her because of her behavior. At this point I find the best reaction is to completely ignore her as if it's not going on and if that's impossible (she will stand an inch away from my face and shriek) I physically pick her up and place her in a quiet room.

amother

Apple

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 12:59 pm

Instead of potching try the “bear hug” method.

Very likely he has some sensory regulation issue. Meltdowns like this can be common for kids who are high functioning on the autism spectrum. And ASD is very hereditary so it makes sense that you FIL may be on the spectrum as well.

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