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S/O son sick in Dirah



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MitzadSheini




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:29 am
OP with the sick son I first of all wish him a Refuah Shleima. All my kids are still at home so I can't really imagine how difficult this situation is for you, but I think if I were in the same situation I would also be worried and trying to get my kid soup or something.

But I was thinking.... What a strange world we live in. As recently as the 1990s, when I was in Israel for a year, a mom would not even know their child is sick. I myself was very sick for 2 weeks during that time, and only phoned my mother afterwards as part of our regular monthly catchup (phonecalls were EXPENSIVE) to let her know that I had been such but was now ok. It's such a different world that we are so aware of other people's situations.

Sometimes when you think about how much the world has changed in say just the last 200 years, it's absolutely mind-blowing.
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MiracleMama




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:49 am
I think all the time about how my father would leave the house in the morning and come back at dinner time and maybe all day my mother didn't hear from him and that was normal.

If I call DH's cell phone and he doesn't answer, doesn't text, doesn't return my call, in a certain amount of time, I'm already in a panic something is wrong. 100x more so with my kids.

Yes, the cell phones have created (at least for me) a panic culture.
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fleetwood




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 8:50 am
I literally speak to my daughter in seminary multiple times a day plus WhatsApp and WhatsApp video. I even saw her on the kotel cam! It's awesome.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 10:25 am
MiracleMama wrote:
I think all the time about how my father would leave the house in the morning and come back at dinner time and maybe all day my mother didn't hear from him and that was normal.

If I call DH's cell phone and he doesn't answer, doesn't text, doesn't return my call, in a certain amount of time, I'm already in a panic something is wrong. 100x more so with my kids.

Yes, the cell phones have created (at least for me) a panic culture.


It's funny.
I was telling my kids that when I was young, my mother knew to be off the phone at 11 sharp because that's when my father would call to check in.
And that was standard. She'd be shmoozing in the grocery with some friends and one would be "oh what time is it? I need to run. My husband is going to call soon".
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 10:43 am
When I had my first job. Not that long ago. I took the train to work. They didn’t have my phone setup yet at my desk so I couldn’t make phone calls. After work I took train home and called my mother from pay phone to pick me up.
My parents were terrified they hadn’t heard from me all day.

I tell my kids this and they can’t imagine not being able to reach someone.

Times have changed so much in such a short amount of time.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 10:47 am
Ha! When my aunt made aliyah in 1946 at the age of 19, her sole contact with her parents was by mail which took anywhere from a week to three weeks to arrive. For really urgent news, which meant births and deaths, there were telegrams.
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yidishmamma




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 10:51 am
When I was working dh called the company phone to speak to me .or I called the kollel public phone to speak to him . This is only 20 years ago but we didn't have cell phone yet . Dh got one when I was in my ninth month with my first one . And only he got it not both of us
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 10:51 am
MitzadSheini wrote:
OP with the sick son I first of all wish him a Refuah Shleima. All my kids are still at home so I can't really imagine how difficult this situation is for you, but I think if I were in the same situation I would also be worried and trying to get my kid soup or something.

But I was thinking.... What a strange world we live in. As recently as the 1990s, when I was in Israel for a year, a mom would not even know their child is sick. I myself was very sick for 2 weeks during that time, and only phoned my mother afterwards as part of our regular monthly catchup (phonecalls were EXPENSIVE) to let her know that I had been such but was now ok. It's such a different world that we are so aware of other people's situations.

Sometimes when you think about how much the world has changed in say just the last 200 years, it's absolutely mind-blowing.

What is very sick? When I was in Israel in 2001, I spent time in and out of terem, and of course my mother knew. Maybe it was different because I ended up in the emergency room at one point, and ended up having surgery, but she was involved even before that. I had a cell phone, which they paid for, so maybe by 10 years later it was easier to be more in touch? Or maybe my situation was more of an emergency situation than yours? I wouldn’t have let her know if I had strep, or if I had a stomach bug for a week or whatever.
Oh, and I also let her know I had an allergic reaction medication, but I didn’t let her know initially that I was sick, cuz there was no reason.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 10:53 am
MiracleMama wrote:
I think all the time about how my father would leave the house in the morning and come back at dinner time and maybe all day my mother didn't hear from him and that was normal.

If I call DH's cell phone and he doesn't answer, doesn't text, doesn't return my call, in a certain amount of time, I'm already in a panic something is wrong. 100x more so with my kids.

Yes, the cell phones have created (at least for me) a panic culture.

I don’t talk to my husband every day while we are working either. There are times I panic and times I don’t. If it’s 11:00 at night and I know he’s driving home from somewhere, I’ll panic. If it’s 11:00 and he’s out with friends, I get annoyed but not panicked.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 11:01 am
yidishmamma wrote:
When I was working dh called the company phone to speak to me .or I called the kollel public phone to speak to him . This is only 20 years ago but we didn't have cell phone yet . Dh got one when I was in my ninth month with my first one . And only he got it not both of us


There used to be a pager Gemach. If someone’s wife was in 9th month they could get a pager in case she had to reach him.
Not so long ago.
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number




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 11:12 am
sky wrote:
There used to be a pager Gemach. If someone’s wife was in 9th month they could get a pager in case she had to reach him.
Not so long ago.
That gemach still existed just 10 years ago! We used it (my husband refused to get a cell phone for a very long time).
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SixOfWands




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 11:14 am
sky wrote:
When I had my first job. Not that long ago. I took the train to work. They didn’t have my phone setup yet at my desk so I couldn’t make phone calls. After work I took train home and called my mother from pay phone to pick me up.
My parents were terrified they hadn’t heard from me all day.

I tell my kids this and they can’t imagine not being able to reach someone.

Times have changed so much in such a short amount of time.


But is it for the better?

Constant contact has made it too easy to reach people in the evening, or on vacation, making work reach into our time off. We never have real vacations.

And its in many ways created uber-helicopter parents. Kids in college, or in yeshiva/seminary, remain overly dependent on parents who are in constant contact.

Don't get me wrong. I love the ease of a cell phone. I love being able to reach people when I'm out. But there are bad things, too.
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MitzadSheini




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 11:15 am
Ema of 4 wrote:
What is very sick? When I was in Israel in 2001, I spent time in and out of terem, and of course my mother knew. Maybe it was different because I ended up in the emergency room at one point, and ended up having surgery, but she was involved even before that. I had a cell phone, which they paid for, so maybe by 10 years later it was easier to be more in touch? Or maybe my situation was more of an emergency situation than yours? I wouldn’t have let her know if I had strep, or if I had a stomach bug for a week or whatever.
Oh, and I also let her know I had an allergic reaction medication, but I didn’t let her know initially that I was sick, cuz there was no reason.


Not THAT sick BH.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 11:21 am
SixOfWands wrote:
But is it for the better?

Constant contact has made it too easy to reach people in the evening, or on vacation, making work reach into our time off. We never have real vacations.

And its in many ways created uber-helicopter parents. Kids in college, or in yeshiva/seminary, remain overly dependent on parents who are in constant contact.

Don't get me wrong. I love the ease of a cell phone. I love being able to reach people when I'm out. But there are bad things, too.


I agree.
The 9-5 job model is disappearing because clients, bosses expect you to be available.
The original OP. 20/25 years ago when I was in seminary and my husband was in yeshiva, we didn't expect our parents to arrange soup and juice when we were sick, arrange our Shabbos plans
There's a culture of learned helplessness because Mommy is always reachable.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 11:29 am
keym wrote:
I agree.
The 9-5 job model is disappearing because clients, bosses expect you to be available.
The original OP. 20/25 years ago when I was in seminary and my husband was in yeshiva, we didn't expect our parents to arrange soup and juice when we were sick, arrange our Shabbos plans
There's a culture of learned helplessness because Mommy is always reachable.

Which is very scary considering these same kids will be getting married soon and not learning to be independent like they did before.
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 11:32 am
fleetwood wrote:
I literally speak to my daughter in seminary multiple times a day plus WhatsApp and WhatsApp video. I even saw her on the kotel cam! It's awesome.


My friend is always sending me pics of her dd from sem- what they do all the time. The moms are definitely in the know.
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Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 30 2021, 11:54 am
fleetwood wrote:
I literally speak to my daughter in seminary multiple times a day plus WhatsApp and WhatsApp video. I even saw her on the kotel cam! It's awesome.

Doesn’t she have classes for most of the day???
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 01 2021, 7:50 am
I was in seminary in the 90s.
While I love my cell phone now, I am SOOOO happy we didn't have them when I was in sem.
I live in Israel and see sem girls all the time. It's nauseating how they are always on the phone, kvetching to their parents. They can't do anything for themselves.
Unless we were in the ER, our parents didn't know we were sick.
When we needed things, we figured out how to go to a store and buy it. We didn't call our mothers to have them contact someone who lives in Israel to get it for us.
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rowo




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 01 2021, 9:09 am
essie14 wrote:
I was in seminary in the 90s.
While I love my cell phone now, I am SOOOO happy we didn't have them when I was in sem.
I live in Israel and see sem girls all the time. It's nauseating how they are always on the phone, kvetching to their parents. They can't do anything for themselves.
Unless we were in the ER, our parents didn't know we were sick.
When we needed things, we figured out how to go to a store and buy it. We didn't call our mothers to have them contact someone who lives in Israel to get it for us.


Yep,
It’s totally not the same experience. It’s not the same total immersion. The kids today still have one foot at home.
It definitely has its pro’s, but I’d say there are some con’s as well.

On another note. I always marvel at how we used to make plans. You would arrange to meet at a certain time and place and somehow both made it! Now, we call and check and update a zillion times.
How much more so our grandparents, when they traveled, they sent a letter a few weeks ahead letting their friends now they were coming. Somehow it worked and they met up with each other!?!?
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