S/o have you ever embarrassed yourself, poll

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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How many times have you stuck your foot in your mouth?

Never!!

[ 3 ]

Every so often I try to something nice but it comes out wrong.

13%

[ 12 ]

A few times a year.

12%

[ 11 ]

Not so many times but I cringe when I think about them.

62%

[ 55 ]

I have severe social anxiety because of the times that I've mispoken.

[ 7 ]

Total Votes : 88

amother

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 3:01 pm

Fox wrote:

We're all guilty at one time or another of saying something that is accidentally insensitive or hits a nerve we really didn't intend. I'm convinced, though, that 90 percent of the awful comments are made by 10 percent of the people. That 10 percent certainly gets around, though.

Is it 10% or do are we all guilty of it?

watergirl

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 3:03 pm

Yup, too often. It's usually because I speak too quickly so things just come out wrong.

amother

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 3:07 pm

I wrote this poll because the thread that this is a spinoff of majorly triggered me. I have on many times said things that came out so bizarre and not at all how I meant them. I would hate if someone spent the rest of their life judging me based on something that I'm mortified about.

Rubies

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 3:10 pm

Honestly, if overall you have a good relationship with the person you said something insensitive to, they'll find it something to laugh about.

amother

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 3:13 pm

Rubies wrote:

Honestly, if overall you have a good relationship with the person you said something insensitive to, they'll find it something to laugh about.

Usually it's someone I don't have a relationship with. It will be someone knew or someone I haven't seen in ages and I'll be searching for something pareve to talk about. When its someone you're close with, you already know what are awkward things to say.

Rubies

Tue, Nov 30 2021, 3:15 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yeah but that's fine too mostly. If you don't know me and you say something that happens to be hurtful due to knowledge you don't know about me, it isn't hurtful either.

It's the in-betweeners and it's the 10%.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 8:02 am

Two times stick out in my head the most.

The first one was at camp. A friend of mine asked to borrow a pair of shorts. I was a size 10 at the time, and she was a size twelve. 9 year old me said "These should fit you, they're HUGE on me!"

The poor girl looked like she was going to burst into tears, and I had no idea why. My mom was a plus size woman, and fat shaming was never a part of our home. How was I to know that my friend was very sensitive to her size? I was just socially clueless about it. I apologized my head off, but she couldn't hear it. I still feel bad about it, even though it was completely innocent.

The second time was when I saw someone I know get out of her car. I hadn't seen her in a while, and I wished her b'sha'a tova. She laughed and said "That was 3 months ago, but thanks!" and turned to get her baby out of the car. I wanted the pavement to open up and swallow me. embarrassed

Then she said "I just still look pregnant, I need to work on that." Bless her for being so kind about my blunder. If she were a different person it could have hurt her deeply, but she knew that I had good intentions.

Now I never wish anyone b'sha'a tova unless 1. I know them very well, and 2. They look like they are going to deliver RIGHT NOW.

Lesson learned. People have different views about their bodies. Do. Not. Comment.

PS: If a friend loses a lot of weight, do not tell her how pretty she is, or how healthy she looks. Someone said that to a friend of mine who had lost 100 pounds, and my friend replied "What, as opposed to how ugly and sickly I was before?" (She's not usually so snappy, but I guess it just caught her in a sensitive spot.) I made sure to tell her that she looked really happy, and I was glad that the relationship with her new boyfriend seemed to be working out so well.

amother

Carnation

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 8:14 am

Get real. Everyone sticks their foot in their mouth sometimes. The only people who never do are mute.

And different people react to things differently. If I lose weight, you bet your boots I want people to notice and tell me. No, I don't want them to tell me I look relaxed and happy and ask if I got a boyfriend, I want them to tell me I look slim.

amother

Butterscotch

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 8:19 am

I don’t have enough awareness to rate how often I do this.
I only know of the times it’s openly embarrassing.

Im sure there were times when people didn’t display their emotional reaction to my words.

I can only try to watch what I say, think before I speak and ask Hashem for awareness.

chanatron1000

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 8:21 am

amother [ Carnation ] wrote:

It's still overall inappropriate to comment on someone's body, even if you like it.

amother

Khaki

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 8:32 am

IMO words can always be interpreted differently. Everyone is made of a different cut, where for one its a compliment or regular chit chat for another it's an insult.

For my embarrassing story (one of them). I met someone on line at walmart. She had a special needs child with her. It was a long wait and I opened up some chit chat. Being a relative of special needs myself and a volunteer in my younger days, I think these moms are supermoms and think nothing negative about such children. I asked her aren't there respite programs on Sundays for special children?
Her retort back to me was: why should I send my child out? Do you send out your kids??
Wow. I was silenced by a total neutral comment in my opinion. Apparently she interpreted it differently and I really did not have any bad intentions!!

amother

Pink

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 8:42 am

amother [ Carnation ] wrote:

Ye everyone has their moments. But some people stick their foot into their mouth in almost every conversation.

I know someone like this. I feel really bad for her.

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