Home

Wording invitations when parents are separated
Previous  1, 2
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




Tulip
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:36 am
amother [ Whitesmoke ] wrote:
Chaim and Rivky Lastname


No no no!

Chaim Smith
Rivky Smith

Are pleased to invite you…
Back to top

amother




Tulip
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:39 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
As we are still halachically married, and are able to be civil and kind to each other, we are planning on both walking her down the to the chuppah. I didn't think anyone would react to that at all, am I wrong?


I honestly believe that if your names are as usual on the invite, AND you’re walking down together, people that find out after, will definitely think you were trying to fool everyone into thinking you’re still together with your spouse.
It’s all one big no no.
Back to top

amother




Zinnia
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 1:30 am
amother [ Tulip ] wrote:
I honestly believe that if your names are as usual on the invite, AND you’re walking down together, people that find out after, will definitely think you were trying to fool everyone into thinking you’re still together with your spouse.
It’s all one big no no.


Why would people think that? Most people I know would realize you were trying to keep it cordial and peaceful for the wedding.

And plenty of divorced couples walk their kids down the aisle. I actually think it’s pretty horrible when they don’t. They are the parents and they deserve to accompany their child on this journey, no matter their marital status.

In any case, op’s goal is to make the kallah feel at ease and lower her stress. Not to imagine what some yenta might think.
Back to top

essie14




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 2:02 am
amother [ Zinnia ] wrote:
Why would people think that? Most people I know would realize you were trying to keep it cordial and peaceful for the wedding.

And plenty of divorced couples walk their kids down the aisle. I actually think it’s pretty horrible when they don’t. They are the parents and they deserve to accompany their child on this journey, no matter their marital status.

In any case, op’s goal is to make the kallah feel at ease and lower her stress. Not to imagine what some yenta might think.

Agree completely.
Back to top

essie14




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 2:04 am
amother [ Tulip ] wrote:
I honestly believe that if your names are as usual on the invite, AND you’re walking down together, people that find out after, will definitely think you were trying to fool everyone into thinking you’re still together with your spouse.
It’s all one big no no.

Perhaps in your circles you believe this might be the case, but in my MO circles this would absolutely not be the case. No one would think anyone is trying to fool anyone. They would commend the OP and her husband for keeping the day stress free for their daughter, the kallah.
Back to top

Raisin




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 4:10 am
SixOfWands wrote:
Then she's going to need to follow through and do things like continue to casually mention him in conversation, and wear her rings whenever she usually would. And stay in the same home for shabbat sheva brachas. Because while it would be bad to have it come up at invitation time, she surely doesn't want it to become the talk of the wedding


I'm sure close friends know the situation. And many women don't wear rings for random reasons such as losing them or finding them uncomfortable.
Back to top

amother




Zinnia
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 4:56 am
Raisin wrote:
I'm sure close friends know the situation. And many women don't wear rings for random reasons such as losing them or finding them uncomfortable.


I never wear my rings.

And it’s ok if people realize the situation is ambiguous. I don’t understand why Sixofwands said she needs to do the whole facade. Why?

She doesn’t need to call him ‘my love’. She just needs to make sure the official parts of the wedding don’t become a divorce announcement.
Back to top

rmbg




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 6:23 am
SixOfWands wrote:
Then she's going to need to follow through and do things like continue to casually mention him in conversation, and wear her rings whenever she usually would. And stay in the same home for shabbat sheva brachas. Because while it would be bad to have it come up at invitation time, she surely doesn't want it to become the talk of the wedding


No she doesn’t.
Back to top

amother




Lotus
 

Post Fri, Jan 07 2022, 1:17 am
essie14 wrote:
What does your daughter want?
If you're not actually divorced yet I'm not sure you should separate your names.
I've always seen
Chaim Cohen
Miriam Cohen
Shmuel and Suri Schwartz
Request the honor of your presence.....

I would let your daughter decide.


I agree Kalla chooses
I would say 99.9% she wants all to look like married parents - kids would always want that impression.

Mazal tov!

I wrote a graduation ad for someone with parents divorced (paid for, behlaf of her mom) , I asked her how she wanted the names listed , she said she wanted Aba and Ima.
Back to top

zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jan 07 2022, 12:41 pm
What essie14 said. Your child’s wedding is not a time to air your marital problems. Regardless of your relationship and your plans, you are BOTH this young woman’s parents. Nothing can change that. She deserves to walk down the aisle with the two most important people in her life, second only to her about-to-be husband. It’s a time to cooperate to make your dd’s big day as happy as possible, not worry about what some narrow-eyed klavtes might possibly maybe perhaps mistameh say if and when your split becomes public knowledge. Or even if it already is.
Back to top

amother




Tomato
 

Post Fri, Jan 07 2022, 12:43 pm
All up to you and your child.
Mazel tov!
Do what works best for you and your family.
Back to top

amother




Tomato
 

Post Fri, Jan 07 2022, 12:44 pm
Especially if you are not divorced (yet or otherwise)
you really can write it and act as if all ok.
Truly up to you.
Much nachas.
No one would or should think anything in any circles whatsoever no matter what they do or do not know and when.
Focus on the joy.

(the only reason not to do so is if YOU wanted to do something else, and even then often mothers walk down kallah and fathers chosson in many circles regardless of marital status -- agree you are thinking of kallah first and this is not a time to do anything rather than honor your situation as it is right now, halachically married)
Back to top

amother




NeonPink
 

Post Fri, Jan 07 2022, 1:47 pm
amother [ Tulip ] wrote:
I honestly believe that if your names are as usual on the invite, AND you’re walking down together, people that find out after, will definitely think you were trying to fool everyone into thinking you’re still together with your spouse.
It’s all one big no no.


Um. I'm sorry what?
It's nobody's business what's going on in anyone else's marriage. If you get into an argument with your husband Shabbos morning and have company for lunch - do you keep a scowl on your face and tell your guests "we felt you should know that we are not on good terms right now , so please don't assume otherwise?" No. But if you put a smile on your face and talk nicely to ur husband , is it a big no no because u r fooling guests ?

If OP wouldn't be making a wedding now, she wouldn't go announcing that they ar PLANNING a divorce to many of these people. They would find out after the divorce happens. This wedding should not change that .
Back to top

amother




Viola
 

Post Fri, Jan 07 2022, 5:31 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
As we are still halachically married, and are able to be civil and kind to each other, we are planning on both walking her down the to the chuppah. I didn't think anyone would react to that at all, am I wrong?


You are not wrong at all. My ex and I have been divorced for decades, but our son wanted us both to walk him down to the chuppah, so we did, and no one batted an eye.
Back to top
Previous  1, 2 Recent Topics

Page 2 of 2 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Two invitations in same envelope
by amother
34 Wed, May 11 2022, 12:25 pm View last post
Wording to honor Rebbetizin
by amother
6 Wed, Apr 27 2022, 7:26 pm View last post
Wording for Insert Cards for Bar Mitzvah
by amother
2 Sun, Apr 24 2022, 10:54 pm View last post
Son having surgery- should both parents come?
by amother
17 Mon, Mar 28 2022, 10:23 pm View last post
Dama ben Nesina and his parents 21 Thu, Mar 24 2022, 7:41 am View last post