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My 5 year old never cleans up-update pg 6
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:20 am
Ok. So barely ever. She puts up a huge fuss. Its a combination of me not having had the energy to train her and her personality (doesn't feel the need to please me. Stubborn).

I don't have a lot of physical energy and its a two way sword. I can't clean up after her and have no energy to train her.

I don't want to do contests because then the expectation grows and grows. I just want to put it into the normal daily routine.

So far the one thing I have gotten her to do is to put her laundry in the hamper because we turned it into a basketball game (aim it and see if you can get it in the first try).

I need advice on ways to get her to clean up her toys, her school stuff, her meal. The toys right now is the biggie. She plays all over the house and insists she can't clean up because she's still in middle of playing.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:48 am
For Pete’s sake she’s not a puppy!! What’s with all the training? And her not feeling the need to please you is a good thing. It means she has a mind of her own.
It’s very overwhelming for a five year old to have to clean up toys from all over the house. If the mess bothers you then prevent it from getting all
Over the house to begin with. One toy at a time and only in one room.
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#Happymom




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:53 am
I wouldn't worry so much.

My kids only clean up when I have enough time Very Happy I'll give each child one job, one child the dolls, one the lego - and that's it.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:59 am
Allow only one or two toys to be played with. If she wants to play with something else, she can get that other toy once the first two are packed away.

Also, at cleanup time , you can sit on a chair next to her and guide her. Start with one item. Example: manga tiles. Please bring me all blue manga tiles. Once that’s done , then all the red ones. It doesn’t feel as overwhelming when you break it down into smaller tasks. And if she has you coaching her along that is helpful too.
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amother




Ebony
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 9:05 am
Don't allow toys all over the house and don't allow many toys out at once.
When you put away the blocks, then we can take out the magnatiles.
Show her how to put away the blocks and if she needs your help, help.
Children that age can't run from room to room collecting blocks, it needs to be confused to one area.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 9:45 am
1. I need her to clean up because I physically can't. Its impeding my ability to get well. So this is really really important to me.

2. Those saying only one toy at a time. Practically how do you do that? She has crafts that she plays all over the house. Officially she is only allowed to do in the playroom by the crafts table but it's far away from the main room.. Then she has her dolls that "need to go to sleep on the couch" that "need to go to the grocery in the hallway". Then she plays with magna tiles in her room with little ppl and she can't clean that up because she isn't done. Then she takes out clicks to make something else (shoes) so she can't break that. You get the picture?????

3. I understand doing some things with her. I think if I had more energy I would intuitively do that. Sometimes I can. Sometimes I can't. It exhausts me.

I need this broken down a little bit. I want to train her little by little in a pleasant way.
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 9:56 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
1. I need her to clean up because I physically can't. Its impeding my ability to get well. So this is really really important to me.

2. Those saying only one toy at a time. Practically how do you do that? She has crafts that she plays all over the house. Officially she is only allowed to do in the playroom by the crafts table but it's far away from the main room.. Then she has her dolls that "need to go to sleep on the couch" that "need to go to the grocery in the hallway". Then she plays with magna tiles in her room with little ppl and she can't clean that up because she isn't done. Then she takes out clicks to make something else (shoes) so she can't break that. You get the picture?????

3. I understand doing some things with her. I think if I had more energy I would intuitively do that. Sometimes I can. Sometimes I can't. It exhausts me.

I need this broken down a little bit. I want to train her little by little in a pleasant way.


She can not take out the next toy until she’s done. Finished.
If she is still playing with her little people and magnatiles then the clics can’t be taken out.
If I had kids that would ignore this request , then I put a lock on the playroom door and it could only be accessed by key which is in the hands of an adult.

If it’s not working for you , then you may need to hire cleaning help to assist you with this.
It is unfair to put this burden on your child that is only 5, especially if you are unable to physically do it. She can’t be expected to replace you. But it is acceptable to expect her to pack away one toy that she completed playing with before taking out the next thing.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 10:02 am
thunderstorm wrote:
She can not take out the next toy until she’s done. Finished.
If she is still playing with her little people and magnatiles then the clics can’t be taken out.
If I had kids that would ignore this request , then I put a lock on the playroom door and it could only be accessed by key which is in the hands of an adult.

If it’s not working for you , then you may need to hire cleaning help to assist you with this.
It is unfair to put this burden on your child that is only 5, especially if you are unable to physically do it. She can’t be expected to replace you. But it is acceptable to expect her to pack away one toy that she completed playing with before taking out the next thing.


I feel bad for her. Also I keep a lot of toys in her bedroom on the floor because it was getting very difficult for me to shlep the toys up and down. But I could try to get a little more strict with this.

Thanks for your response.
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 10:05 am
I can relate a bit, because child loves to use all different toys as part of his stories! I do a clean up at the end of the day, for me that works best. I have a timer that rings which means now its no more playing and time to start cleaning. At clean up time I sometimes put on music or make each kid do one toy, or put a timer in how fast they can clean up, or charts.. it all depends on my mood.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 10:40 am
What can I do about the dolls. She has about 10 and treats them like they are real. One night she had them sleeping all over her room. On pillows, containers. She took her hair accessories and emptied them into her shelf and used it to put a baby to sleep!
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Blessing1




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 10:47 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
1. I need her to clean up because I physically can't. Its impeding my ability to get well. So this is really really important to me.

2. Those saying only one toy at a time. Practically how do you do that? She has crafts that she plays all over the house. Officially she is only allowed to do in the playroom by the crafts table but it's far away from the main room.. Then she has her dolls that "need to go to sleep on the couch" that "need to go to the grocery in the hallway". Then she plays with magna tiles in her room with little ppl and she can't clean that up because she isn't done. Then she takes out clicks to make something else (shoes) so she can't break that. You get the picture?????

3. I understand doing some things with her. I think if I had more energy I would intuitively do that. Sometimes I can. Sometimes I can't. It exhausts me.

I need this broken down a little bit. I want to train her little by little in a pleasant way.


Please get household help instead of relying on a 5 year old to clean up. She's not supposed to do the things you're supposed to be doing because you don't have the energy. That's not fair to her. She can do some age appropriate chores, but what you're expecting her to do is way more than age appropriate. Hire help instead of turning a 5 year old into a maid.


Last edited by Blessing1 on Fri, Dec 03 2021, 10:50 am; edited 1 time in total
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thunderstorm




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 10:47 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
What can I do about the dolls. She has about 10 and treats them like they are real. One night she had them sleeping all over her room. On pillows, containers. She took her hair accessories and emptied them into her shelf and used it to put a baby to sleep!

I would allow the dolls all over the room , as long as they are contained within her own room and not all over the house.
But she needs to know that when she moves her doll out of the hair accessory bin, then she needs to put the accessories back.
I would say to start with one thing.
Toys remain in her room or playroom and at most 1 - 2 toys at one time. Otherwise it gets out of hand. Sometimes I let it get out of hand . But I know that if I do , then it will be me cleaning up the aftermath of the tornado . That does not sound like something you are able to do right now. So you need to try really hard to keep the mess as contained as possible.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 10:52 am
thunderstorm wrote:
I would allow the dolls all over the room , as long as they are contained within her own room and not all over the house.
But she needs to know that when she moves her doll out of the hair accessory bin, then she needs to put the accessories back.
I would say to start with one thing.
Toys remain in her room or playroom and at most 1 - 2 toys at one time. Otherwise it gets out of hand. Sometimes I let it get out of hand . But I know that if I do , then it will be me cleaning up the aftermath of the tornado . That does not sound like something you are able to do right now. So you need to try really hard to keep the mess as contained as possible.


Thanks so much for your empathic reply. This makes a lot of sense. So if all her dolls are out then only 1 other toy? And if she wants to take out another toy then she needs to clean up there other toy. And 1 toy I could try to help her clean. Its 4-5 toys that leave me exhausted. Btw she was really good about the hair accessories. She brought 4 bowls and put them all in on her shelf. She is really creative and a good kid. Its just I haven't had the energy to help her get into good habits.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 11:06 am
Zehava and Blessing1, those were hurtful replies.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 11:16 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
1. I need her to clean up because I physically can't. Its impeding my ability to get well. So this is really really important to me.

2. Those saying only one toy at a time. Practically how do you do that? She has crafts that she plays all over the house. Officially she is only allowed to do in the playroom by the crafts table but it's far away from the main room.. Then she has her dolls that "need to go to sleep on the couch" that "need to go to the grocery in the hallway". Then she plays with magna tiles in her room with little ppl and she can't clean that up because she isn't done. Then she takes out clicks to make something else (shoes) so she can't break that. You get the picture?????

3. I understand doing some things with her. I think if I had more energy I would intuitively do that. Sometimes I can. Sometimes I can't. It exhausts me.

I need this broken down a little bit. I want to train her little by little in a pleasant way.

1. Your five year old isn’t meant to do what you physically can’t.
2. Practically you just don’t allow that many different toys/crafts at a time so that it becomes unmanageable.
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Zehava




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 11:22 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Zehava and Blessing1, those were hurtful replies.

The. I guess the truth hurts. What you’re doing is hurtful to your child. Im sure it’s difficult enough for her to have a mother who isn’t feeling her best without being expected to do her mothers job.
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Blessing1




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 11:29 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Zehava and Blessing1, those were hurtful replies.


I didn't mean to be hurtful, but I guess the truth hurts. You said you need your 5 year old kindergarten kid to do what you're supposed to be doing because you physically can't. This pains me to read. I'm pained for the little kid. If you physically can't do what you're supposed to be doing, you must hire help instead of burdening a kindergarten kid. This is not fair or healthy for the child. We want our kids to do age appropriate chores because it's good for them, not because mom physically can't do it. And if a 5 year old doesn't want to do even age appropriate chores, she shouldn't be forced or trained to do them.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 11:30 am
I have a college student who comes for 2 hours on Sunday morning and cleans up all my kids toys from shabbos which is when they get the messiest and also helps with chores that are too hard for me like taking out heavy garbage bags, some sweeping and vaccuming. My energy levels are fine but I have joint issues and really cant bend down. Its a lot cheaper then paying a cleaning lady. I can clean things at my height like kitchen counters, bathroom sink etc but the bending over just does me in.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 11:32 am
Some of these responses are coming from a very privileged place. I'm not going to engage the blind with a discussion about colour.
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Blessing1




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Dec 03 2021, 11:39 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Some of these responses are coming from a very privileged place. I'm not going to engage the blind with a discussion about colour.


With every post of yours, I feel more bad for the little girl that's forced to be a grown up.
Signed, a little girl that was forced to be a grown up.
(Doesn't seem privileged to me....)


Last edited by Blessing1 on Fri, Dec 03 2021, 11:46 am; edited 1 time in total
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