My 5 year old never cleans up-update pg 6

amother

Freesia

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:44 am

You need a lock on the closet door. Messy toys get locked away and only taken out if she agrees to clean up when she’s done.

I disagree with the posters saying that you’re expecting her to do your job. At five she’s old enough to understand about cleaning her own mess. It’s her job to play and to make a mess, and it’s her job to clean. The trick is to make sure she doesn’t make so big a mess that it’s too difficult for her to clean on her own.

Create a doll corner in her room so she doesn’t need to put the dolls away and the house still looks neat.

If she built something and is proud of it then that’s nice but I still wouldn’t allow her to take out another messy toy until that one is put away. The clutter will be too overwhelming when it comes time to clean.

amother

Freesia

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:45 am

Blessing1 wrote:

With every post of yours, I feel more bad for the little girl that's forced to be a grown up.
Signed, a little girl that was forced to be a grown up.

A five year old is capable of cleaning up her toys. She can’t make supper, wash the dishes or take out the trash. But clean her own toys? Absolutely. Nothing grown up about it.

amother

Freesia

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:47 am

Blessing1 wrote:

With every post of yours, I feel more bad for the little girl that's forced to be a grown up.
Signed, a little girl that was forced to be a grown up.
(Doesn't seem privileged to me....)

The privileged part is because you’re telling a mom with a disability that if she can’t do it herself she needs to hire help rather than expect her child to pitch in at an age appropriate level. How is she hiring that help?

NotInNJMommy

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:48 am

A 5 yo is not going to clean up or as they go about playing or after they are done without being taught. Being taught usually entails more than just speaking or speaking once. It usually entails doing it together repeatedly, for years, to some extent. If you are unable to participate in clean up/teaching clean up habits or in doing other things to minimize how much is being taken out, options generally speaking include 1. getting someone else to do it afterwards (ie. cleaning help) or 2. letting the mess be (ie. have a room that's the play room that you can close the door on so you at least don't have to look at it all the time, ignore the mess entirely and accept it's there, push the pile of toys off to the side, have one bin and everything just gets dumped in there after playtime).

amother

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:49 am

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

A five year old is capable of cleaning up her toys. She can’t make supper, wash the dishes or take out the trash. But clean her own toys? Absolutely. Nothing grown up about it.

Thank you!

amother

Mayflower

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:50 am

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

A five year old is capable of cleaning up her toys. She can’t make supper, wash the dishes or take out the trash. But clean her own toys? Absolutely. Nothing grown up about it.

Not true. If the mess is as big as OP says it is, five year olds will have a very hard time assessing what needs to be done to clean up. The gathering, sorting, putting away, a good thorough job is too hard for a five year old unless it is confined to one or two toys within a specific area.
Five year olds don't have adult organizing skills and methods.

Blessing1

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:50 am

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

A five year old is capable of cleaning up her toys. She can’t make supper, wash the dishes or take out the trash. But clean her own toys? Absolutely. Nothing grown up about it.

Of course a 5 year old is capable of cleaning up her toys. OP said she NEEDS her 5 year old to clean up her toys, laundry, gether her school things, clean up her meals.... because mom physically can't. A 5 year old shouldn't be doing ANYTHING for the reason that mom physically can't. It's enough that she's growing up with the burden of having an ill mother. She shouldn't be burdened with chores. Age appropriate cleaning up toys for a 5 year old is cleaning up from 1 area that isn't too messy, and not collecting toys from all over the house, with the help and presence of a parent.
It seems like OP just wants to hear 1 opinion and isn't open to hearing what she doesn't want to hear.

amother

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:52 am

amother [ Mayflower ] wrote:

Read Thunderstorms response. Somehow she managed to break it down without breaking me down in the process.

amother

Freesia

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:52 am

amother [ Mayflower ] wrote:

Correct, so op will need to make sure her daughter doesn’t make that mess all over the house anymore. But that’s something that can be taught.

Zehava

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:53 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Some of these responses are coming from a very privileged place. I'm not going to engage the blind with a discussion about colour.

Under no circumstances should a child have to do a parents job. Privilege or not.

amother

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:53 am

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

❤️ Touched my heart.

Blessing1

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:54 am

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

But she's not expecting her to pitch in at an age appropriate level. She's expecting way more then age appropriate. Children should not be made to do even age appropriate chores because mom isn't physically able to. This is not the reason for having kids do chores.

Zehava

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:55 am

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

A five year old is capable of cleaning up her toys. She can’t make supper, wash the dishes or take out the trash. But clean her own toys? Absolutely. Nothing grown up about it.

One toy maybe. Not five different toys all over the house.

Zehava

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:56 am

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

How is it age appropriate when you clearly say you need her to do things you can’t? Disability isn’t an excuse for parentification .

Blessing1

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:56 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Read Thunderstorms response. Somehow she managed to break it down without breaking me down in the process.

She only addresses the toys part, not the meals, laundry, school stuff and not the part that you need her to do those things because you can't.

Last edited by Blessing1 on Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:57 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Mayflower

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 8:56 am

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

Correct, so op will need to make sure her daughter doesn’t make that mess all over the house anymore. But that’s something that can be taught.

OP says she doesn't want to use incentives or rewards and has no energy to teach her what must be done. And it's not only toys. After meals, arts and crafts projects, and more.
Sorry a five year old isn't a robot that automatically cleans up after every activity. And the cleanup job will be only as a five year old can, it won't look clean like an adult did it.

Zehava

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 9:03 am

Op who is physically taking care of this child? A five year old still needs help with dressing, bathing, bedtime, sometimes in the bathroom, being served meals etc.

Blessing1

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 9:13 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Like I said I'm not engaging with posters that are being hurtful.

You're hurting your child and you're not doing what's best for your child (which should be your ultimate goal).

Zehava

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 9:14 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Like I said I'm not engaging with posters that are being hurtful.

Avoidance and denial are certainly easier than doing right by your child I suppose