My 5 year old never cleans up-update pg 6

NotInNJMommy

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:16 pm

Zehava wrote:

Op who is physically taking care of this child? A five year old still needs help with dressing, bathing, bedtime, sometimes in the bathroom, being served meals etc.

All this. I have one particular child who is very independent and mature, but she still needs oversight, coaching, etc. and she only got to this point because I was constantly teaching her as we went along about clean up habits, etc in an age appropriate way. She's bh my easiest by far and it comes natural to her, but it wasn't spontaneous and she's still a kid--it's my job to make sure it happens. It's not 100% and I don't expect it to be.

amother

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:24 pm

NotInNJMommy wrote:

Right. Exactly. This is what I asked advice about. I wasn't able to do this for a long time so I kind of created this person who doesn't clean up after herself at all. I would like to slowly train her/help her develop good habits. Thunderstorm had very helpful responses. Any other helpful responses on teaching her to clean up after herself world be appreciated.

Zehava

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:27 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yeah we are all concerned about her basic care and wellbeing though while you’re focused on getting the house clean. If your disability is as extensive as you say then WHO IS CARING FOR THIS CHILD.

amother

Blush

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:28 pm

Op, please ignore the posters who are making you out to be an abusive mother. 🙄

I have a 5 year old and she absolutely can clean up her toys (1-2 independently, 3+ with encouragement and/or assistance), put her laundry in the chute, clean up her spot at the table after eating a meal and gather her school folders and put them in her backpack.

These are absolutely reasonable things to expect a 5 year old to do.

That being said, I work on it with her, give her reminders, try to maintain a consistent schedule with her so she is aware of the expectations.

You can always start with an incentive and drop it. I have done that many times to transition my daughter to learning a new skill. Incentives don't have to last forever.

amother

Blush

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:29 pm

Zehava wrote:

Yeah we are all concerned about her basic care and wellbeing though while you’re focused on getting the house clean. If your disability is as extensive as you say then WHO IS CARING FOR THIS CHILD.

None of your business.

Blessing1

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:34 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

None of your business.

OP made it our business when starting this thread and apparently OP isn't interested in hearing advice about the well being of her child. She just wants to her advice about making her own life easier.

Rachel Shira

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:34 pm

Not sure why some posters are extrapolating that your child isn’t being taken care of. I would maybe work on one small habit a week and build up over time. It should be something she is capable of physically doing by herself, so like “put art supplies back in the playroom after using them,” and expect to give reminders. Do you have anyone who can come once a week to get the place straightened up fully so it’s not her responsibility and you don’t need to do it?

amother

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:40 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

Ok. So let's say week 1 we work on putting away a big toy after playing with it.

Week 2 we work on cleaning away crafts when done.

Week 3. We work on putting doll clothing away at night (cuz they are all over her floor)

Week 4 we work on putting plate away after dinner

This sounds feasible. Which part does she need help with? I assume big toys are overwhelming to put away but otherwise should she be able to do most herself with my supervision? She is almost 6.

Also I am working on getting cleaning help a few hours a week but there's too much she needs to do so having my daughter be able to take care of her things better would be a big help.

#BestBubby

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:46 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

2. Those saying only one toy at a time. Practically how do you do that? She has crafts that she plays all over the house. Officially she is only allowed to do in the playroom by the crafts table but it's far away from the main room.. Then she has her dolls that "need to go to sleep on the couch" that "need to go to the grocery in the hallway". Then she plays with magna tiles in her room with little ppl and she can't clean that up because she isn't done. Then she takes out clicks to make something else (shoes) so she can't break that. You get the picture?????.

Toys and crafts must be in a LOCKED closet. Then you give her 1 or 2 and cant get more until the rest are put away.

Zehava

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:48 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

When a mother says she needs her five year old to do tasks because she physically can’t do them, it’s reasonable to ask whether she can physically take care of said five year old.

amother

Lightcyan

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:49 pm

Normally I would also jump in making sure the child is being treated properly. But here she is not a malicious mother, she is obviously going through a rough time. You can offer tips in a kind way. The berating is really uncalled for here.

#BestBubby

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:51 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don't want to do contests because then the expectation grows and grows. I just want to put it into the normal daily routine.

I need advice on ways to get her to clean up her toys, her school stuff, her meal. The toys right now is the biggie. She plays all over the house and insists she can't clean up because she's still in middle of playing.

1. not a contest but offer a small treat. a few jelly beans when clean up is done.

2. toys should only be allowed in one room.

one clean up before bedtime. Then she is not in middle of playing.

Last edited by #BestBubby on Fri, Dec 03 2021, 1:19 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:52 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Toys and crafts must be in a LOCKED closet. Then you give her 1 or 2 and cant get more until the rest are put away.

Been thinking that I should really do this .. At least with the crafts. Its a huge mess.

Zehava

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:55 pm

amother [ Lightcyan ] wrote:

Unfortunately neglect can come about even without malicious intent. Fact is, if a mother can’t physically care for her child then it’s reasonable to ask how the child is being cared for.

Rachel Shira

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:58 pm

I think a lot of this will take more of your mental energy than physical energy. She can clear her plate at the table for sure - but if that’s a new habit, she’ll need reminding every time, which is reasonable. You can offer a small incentive if she does it without being reminded, if you want. I think craft supplies should be taken out with your permission and not available all the time (maybe crayons, paper, etc can always be available and you take out smaller and messier things when you can). You can tell her that all the big toys need to be put away (with your help/support) before art time.

amother

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 12:59 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

1. not a contest but offer a small treat. a few jelly beans when clean up is done.

2. toys should only be allowed in one room.

one ckean up before bedtime.

So these are things I've tried and they haven't worked out well. But I appreciate the advice.

Chayalle

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 1:02 pm

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

A five year old is capable of cleaning up her toys. She can’t make supper, wash the dishes or take out the trash. But clean her own toys? Absolutely. Nothing grown up about it.

I think this may be true for some 5 year olds, but not necessarily all 5 year olds.
I've had one that was very resistant to cleaning up, and particularly creative, using toys from various bins, mixing them in play, and making quite a mess.
I did try to contain the mess, with conditions that she do it only in certain areas, not all around the house.
She learned at her own pace. It's amazing that as a teen she is B"AH so very neat and much more responsible. I would never have believed it.
Kids grow at their own pace, not all uniformly. And not necessarily because we need them to. When they are not performing on their own according to our plan, a new one is needed, and usually, not one that puts undo pressure on the child.
So I do agree with Zehava and Blessing here, and I have the same question. Who is taking care of this child's needs.

amother

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 1:05 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

Yes, thats why I haven't been doing it at all because it needs to take a lot of energy from me but I realize it's a vicious cycle...

I like the idea of an incentive for not being reminded. If she needs to clean up anyways this kind of incentive can work.

Need to figure something out with the crafts because the closet it is in your can't put a lock but maybe I can switch to another closet. I like the idea of crafts going away before a big toy. She literally cuts all over the place. Its a huge mess, even just scissors and papers.

Chayalle

Fri, Dec 03 2021, 1:05 pm

Rachel Shira wrote:

This makes sense. I've had times where certain toys - the kind that don't make a dirty mess - like magnatiles or dollhouse toys or lego, for example - are freely available for play anytime. But other types of toys, like playdoh and paints and such - need permission and supervision, so they don't get out of control, so have to be played with when I am able to do that supervision.

Plus of course, the lego and dollhouse and magnatile may need to be cleaned up if you want to schedule a playdoh session.