Can't find the right tone to speak about healthy eatinn

amother

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 7:30 am

I got my 12 y.o. tested by an endo and she said she has borderline BMI due to food choices.

So until now I was trying not to apply any pressure in food department on her because she is in puberty etc. and understandably a bit chubby, but now it's black on white: her physical development is mostly complete, she will maybe grow 5 more cm max so she needs to watch her diet.

I cannot find a healthy way to talk to her about it.
Like now, it is lunch time and she made herself grilled cheese. That was her breakfast too.

I had told her to have some fruit. Our house literally overflows with fruit and veggies, yoghurt, cottage cheese you name it. Nope it had to be grilled cheese.

She saw the doctor's report herself, so I don't need to persuade her. But when it boils down to healthy daily food choices, she just doesn't make them.

What do I do? Do I take her to a psychologist? Do
I take her to a nutritionist? Do I go to these people myself to learn how to talk to her or instill healthy food habits in her?

I don't want to mess it up and give her an eating disorder or bad body image long term.
Unfortunately we don't have an amazing relationship right now because she is PMSing and I am pregnant.

amother

Ballota

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 7:39 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I got my 12 y.o. tested by an endo and she said she has borderline BMI due to food choices.

So until now I was trying not to apply any pressure in food department on her because she is in puberty etc. and understandably a but chubby, but now it's black on white: her physical development is mostly complete, she will maybe grow 5 more sm max so she needs to watcc her diet.

I cannot find a healthy way to talk to her about it.
Like now, it is lunch time and she made herself grilled cheese. That was her breakfast too.

I told her to have some fruit. Our house literally overflows with fruit and veggies, yoghurt, cottage cheese you name it. Nope it had to be grilled cheese.

She saw the doctor's report herself, so I don't need to persuade her. But when it boils down to daily food choices, she just doesn't make them.

What do I do? Do I take her to a psychologist? Do
I take her to a nutritionist? Do I go to these people myself to learn how to talk to her or instill healthy food habits in her?

I don't want to mess it up and give her an eating disorder or bad body image long term.
Unfortunately we don't have an amazing relationship right now because she is PMSing and I am pregnant.

I think you should leave her alone and work on your relationship with her show her lots of love and role model healthy eating as much as you can. What's so bad about grilled cheese it's better than just eating chips and chocolate all day. When she comes home from school try to have cut up veggies and cut up fruit available and ready.

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 7:45 am

Grilled cheese isn’t horrible unless it’s slathered with Mayo or butter.
If it would be with whole wheat better. But not all kids like that.
If she would eat just a yogurt or fruit for breakfast or lunch she would be starving later and snack. So it’s not clear what you would rather her eat instead.

Maybe going to a nutritionist who focuses on children’s health- and not diet - would be a good idea. Better the food ideas not come from you. But it has to be someone who was trained with kids.
The best you can do is fill the house with healthy food choices snd not have unhealthy ones and coook balanced meals.
Like if you’d like her to eat oatmeal for breakfast you should prepare a pot before she eats and maybe she will take.

Just curious What would you have rathered she eat for breakfast or lunch?

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 7:56 am

When you go shopping can you ask dd:
What foods would you like me to buy you? So you can have in the house what she would like to eat.

Or can you say: I saw you had the same lunch and supper. Are you happy with that. ? Would you rather have more variety. Can we make a lot of food ideas so you don’t have to eat the same thing twice. And then make a list or menu of food options she would like.

(My ds recently wanted to eat more healthy. He wanted specific flavor geek yogurt, specific brand sliced turkey, etc. so him giving me a list helped me help him)

amother

Winterberry

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 8:00 am

Sooo tricky. I would not take her to a nutritionist. But I might eliminate grains from the house, or limit what grain products I keep around, and make it about gut healthy, not about weight. I would also try to address whatever’s causing the weight gain, all without mentioning it.

themom

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 8:29 am

I don’t think you should speak to her directly. I think you should have a family discussion about eating healthier, and make a few changes in what you buy
in terms of less nosh, more whole grains. It’s not fair to ask one child to change, it needs to be overall healthier eating for all
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with grilled cheese, but you can buy WW bread,
Mozzarella cheese instead of American. . . Also, I have a rule for my kids that they can’t have the same meal more than once in a day.

amother

Navyblue

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 8:57 am

You’re focusing on the wrong things here.
You need to fix your relationship with food and your relationship with her first. If it’s not the right time because of the pregnancy, let it go completely. Don’t even glance at her plate, because she will feel judged.

amother

Wandflower

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 9:07 am

Yogurt and fruit is full of carbs and sugar. Not sure it's the best choice either. Did you ask a nutritionist what you should be serving her? I wouldn't tell her what to eat because it's a very tricky line. If you are serving healthy options she may not want to take the time to make others.

imasinger

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 9:08 am

Focus on the positives. Ignore the grilled cheese, and, when you see her eating fruit or veggies, talk about how impressed you are with her ability to make healthy choices.

If you have a day where kids are around and bored, you could ask her to supervise the younger kids in making a kitchen poster about healthy eating. Tell her you've gotten confused about whether the best way is a food pyramid, a plate, or what, leave an appropriate book lying around, and let her become the expert.

This one is so obviously not at her age level that she probably won't feel preached to, but she can read it to younger siblings, and maybe internalize a thing or two.

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/06.....psc=1

amother

Crimson

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 9:18 am

Grilled cheese once a day is fine. If she’s having it a second time she should have only 1 piece with a salad. Not only her but everyone in your house. Start getting into making big salads with low fat dressing and putting it in the middle of the table. Also adding protein with salad makes it more filling.

amother

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 1:01 pm

OP here.

The doctor said it in her presence - you need to eat healthy and go in for sport - and it showed up again on the tests. She doesn't have any medical conditions that would cause this BMI. It is caused by nutrition/lifestyle.

I wish I could ignore it how I did till now.
Do you all meannI should ignore medical advice?

She has become quite sedentary. Her hobby is baking. My house is full of healthy food. My dh and I are mindful eaters. We always make sure to exercise. She goes to sport training once a week, I am looking in vain for some other sport she could do a second time a week but options are limited.

She had 4 slices of grilled cheese, 2 x twice a day. She could have fried an egg or have unflavoured yoghurt or cottage cheese with fruit/veggies.

amother

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 1:06 pm

amother [ Wandflower ] wrote:

She is very mature and strong-willed. Regardless of what I make, she may just prepare something for herself. We have starch, protein and fresh produce every night. She may ignore some of it and make herself grilled cheese...

amother

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 1:08 pm

amother [ Ballota ] wrote:

Chips and chocolate all day are not even options here. I eat healthy.

honeymoon

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 1:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You can't make a person want to lose weight. She will lose weight when she starts becoming uncomfortable with the way she looks/feels. Nudging her will only backfire, especially at this delicate age. There is nothing you can do other than model healthy eating, making healthy eating fun and tempting and not mentioning anything about her weight or health to her.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 1:13 pm

honeymoon wrote:

This
If it is absolutely a medical necessity, take her to a non diet dietitian who specializes in pediatrics

amother

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 1:13 pm

amother [ Babyblue ] wrote:

I am fine with grilled cheese for breakfast. I would prefer if she fried eggs and had some veggies and fruit for lunch, cottage cheese, smoked salmon...

It is Sunday and she spent most of the day chilling in her room. It's not like she burned 10k calories.

amother

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 1:16 pm

themom wrote:

Yes, this.
I hate that the entire day is a version of dough with cheese. Grilled cheese twice a day, and she asked for dairy lasagna for dinner. She did have some fruit throughout the day.

Not only in terms of weight, but also for digestion, I feel her diet should have been more varied.