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Consequence for kids who break house items
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 10:35 am
I have a kid with some issues, nothing diagnosed, in therapy.

He does things like kick holes in bedroom walls.
I can't stand the way it looks and the lack of privacy, but dh doesn't want to redo walls because kid will just do it again.

Kid just cracked something (after repeated warnings) that is worth $13.

I asked him to pay.

He did, but he doesn't even care (age6-8) and it's all his money!!!

What should I do????
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amother




DarkPurple
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 10:41 am
I don’t think paying for it works at that age, they don’t understand the concept of money yet. Did you try to get a diagnosis?
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behappy2




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 10:43 am
How old is he? Do you know why he does it? I had a kid who did this to get back at me when they were mad so a consequence just escalated things. How much is he in control of himself in general?
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amother




Seagreen
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 10:44 am
You should consult with a Chinuch expert like Rabbi Brezak on how to deal with him effectively. It's worth the money. I wouldn't make him pay it's just not an age appropriate consequence. I think you need to start with increasing your positive interactions with him and praising and rewarding him. Hatzlocha.
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 10:44 am
Money doesn't mean much at that age. He probably didn't put in much effort to earn it, and may not have any plans for how he wanted to spend it.

Could you get him a punch bag, and make a rule that that is the only thing he is allowed to hit or kick? That would give him a controlled outlet.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 10:49 am
Elfrida wrote:
Money doesn't mean much at that age. He probably didn't put in much effort to earn it, and may not have any plans for how he wanted to spend it.

Could you get him a punch bag, and make a rule that that is the only thing he is allowed to hit or kick? That would give him a controlled outlet.
I

Thank you al l!!

He repeatedly jumped on couch, despite us not letting, and he broke the couch two years ago.
We bought him a trampoline to jump on instead.
He does not use it.

He doesn't listen to me not dh
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 10:49 am
I have some very impulsive children who break stuff. I have never made them pay for it. I feel like if its my item its my responsibility to keep it away from them and if its their toy its their loss I am not buying them a new one.

I really am a strong believer in the mantra if my kid is giving me a hard time he or she is having an even harder time themselves. I really like to focus my efforts in being proactive and teaching my kids skills to control their impulses over punishing them. I think this is something you should work with their therapist on also.
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amother




Iris
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 10:50 am
You need professional guidance. Please reach out for help.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 10:50 am
[quote="amother [ DarkPurple ]"]I don’t think paying for it works at that age, they don’t understand the concept of money yet. Did you try to get a diagnosis?[/quote

Neuropsych eval for5 months from now.was earliest appointment
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 10:53 am
Thank you mha and poster beneath her.
I just put myself in therapy,.thought I'd tackle marriage stuff first.

But my house is crazy because we don't know how to deal with our kids.

Mha, what would you do with a kid who is kicking a wall (for example, he's angry because sibling not letting him into their room ,for good reason!)
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 11:03 am
Another question:

What books would you recommend I read?
I've read how to talk so kids will listen a few years ago... I guess I'm bad at implementation..
Will try it again.

Any more?

Had to be something ilk actually read nothing too scientific postulating on brain operation and studies.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 11:05 am
For my kids, when I see the spiral of destruction or violence starting I get their coats on and we go outside. I find the change of scenery super helpful. I have one kid with an enormous amount of energy and he will run circles in the back yard.

My oldest (11) got new legos and the younger kids wanted to sit in his room while he was assembling and he was not thrilled with them being there so I also on his end tried to work with him on being more patient and allowing them sometimes they could be in his room and some times they cant. So that diffused some of the tension also.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 11:07 am
I really like the the explosive child, the whole brain child and no drama discipline. I found they all give really relatable examples and easy ideas I could implement without being overwhelming. I kept trying to read self reg by Stuart Shenker because I have a kid that I think would benefit from the ideas but its too dense.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 11:08 am
Thank you!
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 11:14 am
I put those books on hold.

Mha, you're an amazing parent.

I think I'm just too lazy. Too lazy to get up and say let's put on coats and walk around the block. too lazy not to just scream and threaten.. Sad
I really need to work on this.
It's so hard.

Thank you all posters (so far), for your kind, helpful, and compassionate responses. I appreciated them all!!





Waiting for the nasty imas to come out of the woodwork and scream at me to stop being abusive and pull myself up many my bootstraps!!! Confused
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 11:16 am
Another question:

Should I enroll this kid in Occupational Therapy? Would t that help with impulsivity and anger management?

So far he's in social work kind of therapy, and therapist gives me a few tips here and there, like make sure to point out his strengths
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 11:23 am
Nahhh we have all been there. My 11 year old was so hard when he was that age and I made so many mistakes. I joke that he and I have matured a lot together over the years. Which came in handy because my now 7 year old is reallllllly hard and for totally different reasons. I went to teacher conferences for my 5 year old with low expectations he is the one with an insane amount of energy and they said he actually channels it really well in school. I was not expecting that one.
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amother




Carnation
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 11:30 am
I had a similar child. Took all my energy out of me. I found a behavioral therapist that worked with us on strategies and ideas that work for our lifestyle. Within a few months I am living a different life.

You can look him up on LinkedIn he posts a lot of articles there. His name is Yisroel Wahl and he works in person or over zoom.
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amother




Saddlebrown
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 12:05 pm
No consequences work for my child. When she is brain inflamed she literally can’t control herself, and when her brain inflammation is under control she isn’t damaging property. We focus on healing the brain and let go of the rest.
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momsrus




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Dec 06 2021, 12:36 pm
amother [ Carnation ] wrote:
I had a similar child. Took all my energy out of me. I found a behavioral therapist that worked with us on strategies and ideas that work for our lifestyle. Within a few months I am living a different life.

You can look him up on LinkedIn he posts a lot of articles there. His name is Yisroel Wahl and he works in person or over zoom.


Thank you for this info. Can you share more info. Sounds Interesting. Or can u pm me.
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