Give me chizuk to get rid of things!

seeker

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 3:08 pm

I don't think of myself as a hoarder because I'm pretty selective about what I keep and I throw things away regularly. But I do have some things I've been holding onto for too long and I strongly suspect it's time to let them go.

Current challenge: Clothing that I loved that has gone way out of style. It's still in great condition and was very classy in the 90s and aughts. They talk about suits coming back in but I strongly suspect it won't be my suits. If it is, I'll regret getting rid of things I liked that were in great condition and will now cost me hundreds to replace. But I feel so stupid hosting things in my closet that I haven't worn in ten years.

Help me out, tribe. I don't think I can do this alone but I'm starting to actually feel ashamed of the stuff I'm holding onto. Which seems kind of judgy.

amother

Maroon

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 3:12 pm

I will say that I personally have a hard time getting rid of things, but I can’t remember a time I ever regretted doing so. Once it’s gone you probably won’t miss it. Only hold onto it if it’s particularly sentimental.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 3:24 pm

seeker wrote:

Help me out, tribe. I don't think I can do this alone but I'm starting to actually feel ashamed of the stuff I'm holding onto. Which seems kind of judgy.

You are singing the song of my people.

My advice is to lay everything out on the bed, and take back the BEST of the bunch. I realized that I had 8 brown skirts. How many does a person need? I saved one winter one, and one lightweight summer one. Same with black skirts, blouses, sweaters, etc.

If the idea of giving things to Goodwill makes you nauseated, see if there are any nice gemachim you can donate to.

In Seattle, there is a thrift store that takes "business type" clothes, because they have a program that trains ex convicts, recovering drug addicts, and homeless people in job skills. Then it gives them vouchers to buy appropriate clothing for interviews and work. I used to volunteer in this store, and when someone who graduated from job training came in for their first interview suit, we would all be in tears.

bigsis144

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 3:27 pm

Sometimes I approach my efforts to get rid of stuff as an exercise in bitachon.

Hoarding is based in the fear of not having something later.

If these items are constantly “in my way” (physically, emotionally, etc.), I believe that I can do what I need to do in the present, ie get rid of it, and that Hashem will take care of providing for me in the future.

—

I have family members who died with cans of food in their garage that were expired over a decade earlier, or books stored 2 levels deep on the shelves so you didn’t really know what was even there. I hold onto things instinctively because it’s how I grew up, even though it stresses me out. Wishing you much hatzlacha!

Heyaaa

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 3:28 pm

Don't view it as losing items; view it as gaining space. I find that its easier to first get rid of the definites and only afterward get rid of the maybes. But before I get rid of the maybes, I like to put them on the highest shelf or in storage for a while and see if I miss them.

seeker

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 3:43 pm

Ain't no gemach that wants clothes that went out of style 10 years ago. When I have something that I don't use but it's legit still good, I have an easier time giving it away if I can find someone who wants it.

I do hear the bitachon thing. Going to try to keep that in mind.

These are things that I already have a solid proven track record of NOT wearing even though I like to entertain the thought. I'm just not bold enough to wear something unique even if I happen to like it. In fact some of the things I'm thinking of shedding now are in that category - things I bought knowing that they are not what people are wearing but I wanted to do my own thing, except I'm too shy to go through with it.

zaq

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 4:08 pm

Styles never come back exactly the same. There's always some detail that's different and makes your old clothes look...old. Unless you're a known vintage-clothing fan, you won't look stylish when and if the style comes back. (Not everyone looks good in vintage goods. Usually you have to be very young so people know you raided a resale shop, not your own closet.) Besides, the general rule of thumb is, if you're old enough to remember when a style was last in fashion, you probably shouldn't wear it the next time it comes into fashion.

Give them away. Let someone who lacks cash get some use out of them instead of having them "waste their sweetness on the desert air" as it were. Your closet is prime real estate that should be dedicated to live things that serve you now, not a memorial to times past. If you must, take pics of your beloved outfits before you give them away.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 4:09 pm

Think of how happy you will be with an empty closet. I am in middle of cleaning my basement and each time I do one closet or corner, I fell so good afterwards. Do it, take a picture, and post it here. We will all cheer for you!

Today’s project:

I am so proud of myself!! You have no idea what it looked like before . 🤦‍♀️

Elfrida

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 4:12 pm

seeker wrote:

The gemach might not want a suit, but they might be happy with a skirt. Could you break things up a bit?

FranticFrummie

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 4:20 pm

Elfrida wrote:

The gemach might not want a suit, but they might be happy with a skirt. Could you break things up a bit?

I like jackets, but the skirts are usually too short for me, so I mix and match with long skirts. If you get the colors right it can be a cute look.

If you know of a girl who is learning how to do sewing and alterations, you can give them to her to practice on. Fabric is expensive, and I know she'd be grateful. If you don't know of anyone, try a sewing school.

If you are at all crafty, Pinterest has tons of DIY tutorials on how to "upcycle" clothing to give it a modern twist. A lot of them are a lot easier than you'd think.

ra_mom

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 4:39 pm

I'm good at getting rid of everything around the house, except for my own clothes. That I struggle with.

A word of advice from someone who has been there. Empty the closet rod (cabinet/drawer/shelf) entirely and lay all those items on your bed.
Now neatly put back the items you use regularly over the year (seasons), in the way you want it to look.

It will be so nice and neat. I take it all in and remind myself that it would be such ba'al tashchis to throw out that prime real estate of space in my closet and to throw out my menuchas hanefesh with it.

Look at your closet. And look at your bed stacked high with everything "else". At this point I usually do not want to ruin my "new" closet, am more willing to just get rid of things without looking, and just concentrate on the peaceful feeling I get when looking inside the closet (and how exciting it is to get dressed now).

If it's hard to get rid of the rest, pack it up neatly in boxes and mark the box in permanent marker with the date 6 months from now. Whatever you didn't need and is still in there after 6 months, should be gotten rid of with confidence this time. And with gratitude that your closet is so usable and brings calm whenever you open it.

Last edited by ra_mom on Mon, Dec 06 2021, 4:44 pm; edited 1 time in total

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 4:44 pm

I like to follow Marie Kondo. I ask myself if this item sparks joy when I look at it, when I try it on, when I wear it. If it doesn’t, I give it to a gemach . I make sure to say “Thank you for once sparking joy in my life . You served the purpose and now it’s time to say Good Bye” . That gives you a sense of closure and also gratitude for having hanaah from this item , once upon a time.

thunderstorm

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 4:48 pm

seeker wrote:

Many gemachim service people from other nationalities that won’t care about styles or how old it is. They sell the garments for a small fee and that money goes towards tzedaka for yiddishe families or towards servicing their gemach with better and newer items for the frum crowd.

seeker

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 6:10 pm

I happened to be passing near a Goodwill today so I brought in a big bag knowing that if I didn't move fast then it would become a headache. I also have a friend who CAN pull off the unique/vintage look who is taking a couple of items, including one that I really was having a hard time tossing because it IS nice.

I also purged some of my more worn-out socks and underwear ("for those days when all the good ones are in the laundry")

But now I need to get back to more pressing tasks so my home is just never going to be beautifully cleaned up.

I am not going to share an after picture because the little here and little there that I do are never enough to look meaningfully different Sad

But... I did unload a big bag of outdated clothes, and a little bag of garbage stuff... it's just never enough.

amother

Holly

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 9:00 pm

I'm moving soon so I need to purge a lot! But...as I'm thinking about the advice to purge the old styles and stuff I haven't worn in a year, I'm wearing a 20 year old shirt! My clothing is never "in style" so it never really goes out of style.

It's easy to get rid of the worn out or broken stuff. Giving away the good stuff feels good, as someone else can use it. The stuff labeled "I'll probably use it some day" is the stuff I find hard to part with.

I like the advise of having bitachon that He will provide when I need to be able to part with things. And if I don't get it then, I can live without it.

NOW, how to I and my family members part with sentimental, not needed junk??!!