Help me help my daughter

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Forum -> Children's Health

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amother

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:35 am

I'm at a loss and don't know what to do.

My daughter is 13 years old and a sweet girl with so many different issues.

For years she has been suffering from encopresis and enuresis. We've done enemas and still do , miralax, laxatives. Encopresis is under control right now BH, but its definitely not gone. bedwetting is still an issue. I really try to be on top of the situation and make sure she takes the laxatives but she doesnt' seem to care and when I chase her every single day she takes it. She's very immature and asks very immature questions all the time. I give her attention, the questions seem to be a cry for attention, but it's never enough. She had a hard time learning how to read, she had reading help for years, she BH knows how to ready now after years of struggling. I had her evaluated around 3 years ago and was told everything is fine, and she has low self esteem. I had her evaluated two years ago for OT years ago, thinking her issues were stemming from sensory issues because she doesn't like being touched, I was told her issues are not sensory, but she's in fight and flight mode all the time. She doesn't get aggressive on her own but if anyone fights with her, even if it's her 4 year old sibling she goes crazy with rage and will push him across the room with severe anger. She has extreme rage and anger when she perceives an attack. She cannot swallow pills which is not an issue on it's own but seems to be part of a bigger picture. She won't help around the house, again I dont care about the helping, its the reason why she won't help that's the problem. I really really want to help her blossom into a normal, responsible calm adult, I just don't know where to turn. When she was 5 years old I had her adenoids removed because her nose was always running and green.

I know several of you will chime in with the brain inflammation stuff and honestly, at this point it's the only thing that makes sense to me, but I still don't know how to help her. She wont' take pills.

If anyone had/has a child like this or if you have advice how I can help her, please chime in.

Thank You

amother

Anemone

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:43 am

Just want to say that you sound like a really caring and devoted mother and I hope you can help her. Have either of you been in therapy?

mha3484

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:49 am

I have a younger son who is also super reactive. He has always been a very shy timid child. A little sensory and pretty high strung. He also struggles in school. I think for him its heavily rooted in anxiety and there is probably also a little ADHD. We are starting that process now and will probably medicate him. For the anxiety part, I have found that using the method from the book the Explosive Child has been extremely helpful.

I think all these things combined make him feel pretty negative about himself so he lashes out.

amother

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:51 am

I also want to add that she was a selective mute in nursery.

mha3484

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:53 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I also want to add that she was a selective mute in nursery.

Selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder. Have you taken her to a therapist who is experienced with different modalities for anxiety?

amother

Anemone

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:54 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I also want to add that she was a selective mute in nursery.

Selective mutism may be related to anxiety.

amother

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:54 am

amother [ Anemone ] wrote:

Just want to say that you sound like a really caring and devoted mother and I hope you can help her. Have either of you been in therapy?

I have. she has not.

I would take her for therapy, but need the right shliach.

amother

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:56 am

mha3484 wrote:

Selective Mutism is an anxiety disorder. Have you taken her to a therapist who is experienced with different modalities for anxiety?

No, I haven't.

She had SIET in preschool and outgrew the selective mutism after nursery.

amother

DarkPurple

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 11:59 am

I agree
you come across very caring and devoted

Please have her evaluated for adhd and anxiety

I did it for my 14 year old and only regret that I didn't do it earlier

amother

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 12:02 pm

amother [ DarkPurple ] wrote:

I agree
you come across very caring and devoted

Please have her evaluated for adhd and anxiety

I did it for my 14 year old and only regret that I didn't do it earlier

Thank you

what kind of place does these evaluations?

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 12:08 pm

Go to a nueropsychologist for an evaluation.

amother

Molasses

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 12:09 pm

I would start by taking her to get a basic blood test for Lyme, strept, mono, mycoplasma, and other infectious diseases and see what shows up.

amother

Nasturtium

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 12:15 pm

All of these things scream anxiety. I would start with a therapist.

amother

Starflower

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 12:45 pm

One more thing: some evaluators are better than others. I had my child evaluated last year and they all came back saying my child is lovely and totally normal. Anyone who works with him long term will disagree with that.

We had a meeting and the principal said they'll redo the eval with better providers, because he sees there definitely is a problem that hasn't been pinpointed yet.

amother

Taupe

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 12:59 pm

A few things struck me about this post:

1) She's taking laxatives EVERY day?? No. That's not good. I had a daughter with severe anxiety over pooping, so we snuck in miralax, but the doctors were vehemently against laxatives, and certainly not every day. They also lose effect. Your GI put you on this regimen?

2) If your child is struggling with reading, struggling with school, doesn't seem to possess executive functioning skills, your evaluator is wrong. Get an educational psychologist to do the eval. These are pricey, so submit a demand for your school district to cover the cost.

Now there may not be an official diagnosis, but your evaluator should be able to pinpoint areas of low functioning. Or see whether there's some anxiety. The diagnosis shouldn't be "low self esteem".

I will repeat what everyone else says. You sound like the best mom in the world.

amother

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 1:07 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

Yes, GI put her on this regimen.

How do I find a good educational phycologist?

Thank you for your reply.

amother

NeonBlue

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 6:24 pm

amother [ Molasses ] wrote:

I would start by taking her to get a basic blood test for Lyme, strept, mono, mycoplasma, and other infectious diseases and see what shows up.

This. Anxiety, adhd, sensory issues don’t cause enuresis and encompresis, though they sure go along with it. All of the above are symptoms, with the common root causes of all of them being gut dysbiosis, neuroinflammation (most commonly caused by latent chronic infections), nutrient deficiencies, autonomic nervous system dysfunction, poor vagal tone, retained primitive reflexes, cortisol issues, hpa axis dysfunction, poor thyroid function, and so on. It’s a brain wired for danger, hence the sensory issues, anxiety, adhd, executive function difficulties, and also autonomic difficulties. You need to quiet her entire nervous system down, and you do that by taking down inflammation and whatever’s causing inflammation (food, infections, allergies, mold) , supporting the vagus nerve (craniosacral therapy, gut health, reflex integration), supporting thyroid and adrenals, building nervous system with essential nutrients and so on.

amother

Oldlace

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 6:27 pm

mha3484 wrote:

Can you explain how you used the Explosive Child methods with an anxious child? I read the book and I think my child is anxious.

amother

Nemesia

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 6:28 pm

Look into reflex integration. She sounds like she is very unintegrated. The galant reflex specifically is related to bladder control. Bodywork like CST may also be beneficial. And I agree with the posters who said to test for strep, lyme, mycoplasma, CMV etc.

amother

Oldlace

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 6:29 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I have. she has not.

I would take her for therapy, but need the right shliach.

What kind of evaluation did you get her? Developmental Pediatrician or Neuropsychologist?

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