My bochur in Israel is smoking regularly and I’m sad

Genius

Wed, Dec 08 2021, 8:18 am

twizzlers1 wrote:

It is definitely addictive. I don't know which person above said it's not. It literally takes just one cigarette to be addictive. That is why so many people have trouble stopping. They want to but it is extremely challenging. I really think the only way to do it is to go cold turkey. That's what my dad did most 50 years ago and he said he still has cravings for cigarettes. He knew it wasn't healthy so he stopped but that doesn't mean it was easy or that he still doesn't want 150 years later. Keep davening. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do and I would be extremely sad as well. Husband and I have never even tried to cigarette in our lives but I had a son that did and he did stop. So it is possible.

Not everyone who smokes is addicted.
Many bachurim stop when it loses the coolness. My husband smokes from time to time and is far from addicted.
Of course there’s the possibility to become addicted in which case you need to stop cold turkey.
Op I don’t think there’s anything to do about it other than daven.

amother

Wandflower

Wed, Dec 08 2021, 8:31 am

small bean wrote:

OP, im with you. I dont understand why smoking is still allowed in our yeshivos.

My son in 7th grade has kids in his class who smoke.

Who is enabling this?
Who is selling cigarettes to 7th grade boys?

Last edited by amother on Wed, Dec 22 2021, 9:21 pm; edited 1 time in total

Sesame

Wed, Dec 08 2021, 9:07 am

twizzlers1 wrote:

I know many close relatives thar smoke. They ALL said that the first is NOT enjoyable. I also took a course on addiction, so with my knowledge at hand I’d like to correct and say one single cigarette doesn’t cause someone to be addicted.
A lot of boys that smoke in yeshiva don’t continue to smoke throughout their lives op. In fact, I remember ALL OF dh friends smoked before marriage, and by now, I can’t think of any (one on e cig). So being concerned for his children that don’t exist and he’s not even married seems very far and unnecessary at this stage.

PinkFridge

Wed, Dec 08 2021, 10:41 am

amother [ Kiwi ] wrote:

There is a fantastic book originally written for the general public, Alan Carr's easy way to stop smoking, which has a Hebrew version of the book adapted specifically for Yesgiva bochurim and which is sold for cost prices in Jerusalem. Is that the one you mean?

Years ago I saw a book, The Leibowitz System, something like that.

amother

Heather

Wed, Dec 08 2021, 10:45 am

Op I just wanted to give you chizzuk -
Both of my brothers started smoking when they went to yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael and then Lakewood. And they both eventually stopped within a few years of getting married.
I know it's an addictive habit, but it also seems to just be a pleasurable pastime that bored bochurim do. For a normal, responsible boy, I think the combination of his wife hating it, and tight finances is a big motivation to stop.

Elfrida

Wed, Dec 08 2021, 11:24 am

SafeAtLast wrote:

Who is enabling this?
Who is selling cigarettes to 7th grade boys?

A couple of years ago I walked past the makolet and there were a group of boys about this age standing around outside. One of them came up to me and very politely explained that the makolet was refusing to sell them cigarettes, so would I mind going in and buying them some. He had the money all ready to give me.

Naturally I refused, and told them in some depth exactly why I was refusing. I'm equally sure that if they waited long enough, someone would have agreed.

amother

Copper

Wed, Dec 08 2021, 6:59 pm

My son started in Mesivta and 10 years later is a big smoker, I have been an anti smoking advocate since my kids were little, so he hid it for years.
He will not give it up and will not give it up to date.
It bothers me a lot.

amother

Wed, Dec 08 2021, 7:46 pm

erm wrote:

Who is paying for the cigarettes?

He gets an allowance since he’s dorming and needs to get odds and ends all the time. He is not 10. We can’t stop him by taking away his spending money. I appreciate all chizzuk, especially the ones who wrote that most of them stop once they start shidduchim. I hope that will be the case!

amother

Wed, Dec 08 2021, 7:47 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

He knows I’m against it too. Didn’t help at all except he wasn’t comfortable sharing with me. DH is the chilled one here so he felt comfy telling him.

amother

DarkMagenta

Thu, Dec 09 2021, 10:44 am

Elfrida wrote:

Unfortunately, young boys smoking isn't so uncommon in Israel.

amother

DarkOrange

Thu, Dec 09 2021, 10:48 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Most boys do stop because most good girls won't go out with a guy who smokes. So IY"H he will be very motivated to stop.