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Forum
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-> Simcha Section
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Dec 22 2021, 8:53 pm
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What is the norm? NY area, JPF culture
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rmbg
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Wed, Dec 22 2021, 9:02 pm
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This will depend on a few things. Is he traveling? Has he spent time with the couple/mechutanim before the wedding? Or is he just showing up for the 45 minutes and then his responsibilities are over? Or is he staying for the wedding and guiding through the evening? Etc...
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PinkFridge
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Wed, Dec 22 2021, 9:14 pm
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Mazel tov! I just want to say that since the mesader kiddushin is usually someone chashuv, I am restraining myself from posting this subject line in the Mafia euphemism thread.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Dec 22 2021, 9:19 pm
LOL PinkFridge. Yes it is someone choshuv.
rmbg: The wedding is about an hour's drive from his home. We will be sending either a relative or a nice car service to escort him. He met with the couple for about an hour before the wedding to go over what to expect. I'm not sure what you mean by guiding through the evening of the wedding - I thought he just officiates the ceremony and then either stays as a guest or leaves, depending on his preference. What else is there to do?
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amother
Hawthorn
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 3:56 pm
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Is he a Rav of a Shul? A Rosh Yeshiva? Maybe you can ask the Gabbai or the secretary if they have one
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amother
Poppy
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 3:56 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | LOL PinkFridge. Yes it is someone choshuv.
rmbg: The wedding is about an hour's drive from his home. We will be sending either a relative or a nice car service to escort him. He met with the couple for about an hour before the wedding to go over what to expect. I'm not sure what you mean by guiding through the evening of the wedding - I thought he just officiates the ceremony and then either stays as a guest or leaves, depending on his preference. What else is there to do? |
At my wedding the rabbi stayed to insure wedding was ‘kosher’ (to avoid older family members dancing together)
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amother
Thistle
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 5:23 pm
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I have a couple of married kids and many married relatives and friends and never heard of paying a mesader kiddushin money. Is this done in certain circles I have no connection to?
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LovesHashem
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 5:24 pm
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DH says he's never heard of this too
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amother
OP
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 5:25 pm
He's a community figure, I don't know if there's a gabbai but I can probably find out. I'm just curious really what's the going rate.
No, he will not be supervising anything other than the wedding ceremony itself.
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amother
Yarrow
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 5:42 pm
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I haven't heard of paying the mesader kiddushin but one might pay for the transportation involved.
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cupcake123
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 5:54 pm
I'm yeshivish
no
Its considered a huge kavid
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amother
Thistle
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 6:53 pm
| amother [ Yarrow ] wrote: | | I haven't heard of paying the mesader kiddushin but one might pay for the transportation involved. |
It's nice to offer transportation but it has to be done in a respectful way. Besides the obvious, that the driver should be competent and punctual, he should preferably be a frum person himself, or if a non-Jewish driver is used then a frum person should accompany the Rav who will be mesader kiddushin. If it's a trip that needs a plane ticket you offer to buy the ticket and to get the Rav or Rosh Yeshiva transportation to and from airports. If the person is married of course you offer to provide for the rebbetzin coming along though they often decline.
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amother
Viola
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 7:50 pm
Never heard of such a thing.
Do you pay the kvatter? Or sandek? My son's Mohel even refused payment. These things are a huge kavod, there's no price tag.
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gr82no
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 8:09 pm
When we asked our mesader kiddushin to sign our legal marriage certificate he said he does it after he gets paid. Iirc he said there’s an inyan to pay but no set amount.
This was one of the rabbanim of the bais din in crown heights. All he did was sign the tenoim in his office and be there by the chuppah.
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rmbg
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 8:47 pm
| amother [ Viola ] wrote: | Never heard of such a thing.
Do you pay the kvatter? Or sandek? My son's Mohel even refused payment. These things are a huge kavod, there's no price tag. |
You are mixing up different things. The mohel is doing a service for you. It takes a lot of time! I’m shocked people don’t pay. Yes they are not allowed to give you a set price but of Course you should pay! At least $600-$700!
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amother
Peach
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Thu, Dec 23 2021, 8:56 pm
Yeshivish.
Didn't pay mesader kiddushin. It was my dhs hs rosh yeshiva. It was a half hour drive from his house and a kavod
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