Can’t do it | Imamother

amother

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 4:27 pm

How do u guys do it??
From working to supper to laundry to taking care of kids
How do u do it all?
I get a lot of help from my husband and I still cannot handle
I come home from work exhausted, take care of my baby clean a little and I’m just wiped !!!
How are we expected to do everything!?

amother

Mimosa

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 4:29 pm

Y'know, I think we should start a tally of how many threads like this there are. I'd venture to guess over a hundred. You know why? Because we're all barely holding it together! I don't know why we tell ourselves stories that everyone else is managing all these responsibilities, they're not. Now, there are definitely things you can do to make life easier, there are many tips and tricks that women here can share with you, but drop the idea that everyone is managing, it's not true.

Genius

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 4:30 pm

We don’t do everything. When I work I take more cleaning help or refuse to care about the mess (or both) and ask my husband to help with the kids. What makes you think you’re expected to do everything? Are you superhuman?

amother

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 4:32 pm

In general I feel like a lot of pressure goes onto women these days
Like it’s “our job” to take care of the baby and change diapers and it’s “our job” to make supper every single night and it’s our job to do the laundry and clean up
Happens to be I do not have that kind of household
My husband does plenty but still I just feel so guilty when I come home and just have no energy to make supper …

Genius

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 4:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Buy ready to bake chicken coated fingers and French fries for days like this. Add tradition soup for a well rounded meal (high in calories but cheaper than takeout). No need to feel guilty. Don’t take on pressure that nobody is pressuring you with.

amother

Silver

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 4:36 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You got to plan ahead so you’re playing offense and no defense. I cook for the week on Sunday. Others do crockpot meals. Or some freeze ahead of time. You def can’t come home and start on dinner unless it’s eggs and cereal every bight. Which is ok if that’s dinner. But anything more needs to be planned and prepped ahead

fbc

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 4:46 pm

I think society has to drop the expectation of "woman's job". It's not our job to run ourselves ragged to the point where we are second guessing ourselves and wondering how "everyone manages". I'm not saying to let everything slide. But think of realistically what you can handle on your own. Think of what your husband can do. Let some things go, get help for what you can, lower expectations. I feel like we'd all be a lot happier that way!! The people who you think are managing it all are probably asking the same question as you, or they have a lot of help that you don't know about! Or, they've actually lowered their expectations and you just don't know/see it!

amother

Olive

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 4:48 pm

We don’t all manage. I think people who do are AMAZING!!!! And we all think everyone else does it so why can’t I?
I just quit my job because I just can’t do it anymore.

amother

Caramel

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 4:50 pm

My husband does 90% of cleaning. A small big thing I do now is I go into work an hour after the kids leave so I have an hour in the morning to get stuff in order. Dinners in my house are 5 min prep or less (we had salmon teriyaki from a bottled sauce and rice tonight). And yes, I'm barely holding it together

amother

Molasses

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 5:09 pm

I have a babysitter in my house who does everything for me and I'm barely managing. I have 3 with oldest whose 3 and work just 30 hours in a physically exhausting job which comes home with me at night. I think it makes ppl uncomfortable that I'm so open about barely managing when I have so much help.

amother

Crocus

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 5:12 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I feel the same. I work full time. Shop, cook, laundry, homework with the kids...my husband helps but it's still a lot. I feel like we feel the need to take care of our homes and cook the way our mothers did, yet most of them weren't working out of the home full time.

Sewsew_mom

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 5:15 pm

Unfortunately woman put on themselves alot of pressure. It's not the norm. Our bodies weren't made to handle this all. We're all just running ourselves ragged. But let's see who will be the first to stop. (I run myself thin and I don't even really work. I have a hobby that I made as a side job) . And I can barely keep it together. It's really alot.
I don't buy into the concept that everyone else has it Togo. In fact I've never met someone sho has said to me "oh ya, I'm good. I have it all together!"
Most people have something that they let slide. That's OK.
Remember most importantly your children need a happy healthy mother. Give some things up that aren't really that important..

nicole81

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 5:40 pm

I don't know what kind of help your husband gives, but the idea that what he does is "helping" you is part of the problem. You guys have a household to run together, and the only expectation is that the jobs need to get done-- not that they're yours to do with his help. If you're exhausted, then you need to split things differently.

amother

Silver

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 5:50 pm

nicole81 wrote:

Exactly. This. Word for word

amother

Leaf

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 6:02 pm

OP- neither can I. I just can't do it. It's on the boundary of impossible. I don't have add or adhd so at least I have 1 thing not going against me but I need to keep on an EXTREMELY strict schedule for household tasks or else all hell breaks loose. I need to go grocery shopping and do errands on Sunday (and get everything, including shabbos stuff), I need to do laundry on Monday and Tuesday, I need to fold and put away on Wednesday. I need to begin cooking dinners the moment I walk in the door (at 4, with my kids). I need to cook and clean the kitchen for shabbos on Thursday night. I need to set my shabbos table Thursday night too. I need to shower Thursday night and bathe my kids as well. If I skip anything... oh dear... I will end up folding laundry at 2am with my eyes closed ... or not at all.

My husband also does plenty- he clean bathrooms, floors, dusts, vacuums, mops. We split linen duty- he takes off, I put on. And he works too.

It's very hard (like I said- near impossible) to run a busy household when working full time or more. Total survival mode. Which is not a space I want to constantly live in.

amother

Ultramarine

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 6:05 pm

nicole81 wrote:

In my household the problem is that both my husband and I are exhausted! I’m sure I can’t be the only one.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Dec 27 2021, 6:14 pm

amother [ Ultramarine ] wrote:

In my household the problem is that both my husband and I are exhausted! I’m sure I can’t be the only one.

You're not! My husband really does help me (he probably does more than me in comparison to how many hours he works, sh!) And it's still not enough. I feel bad for my kids, but even more, I feel bad for me.