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Can’t do it
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cupcake123




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 11:19 am
amother [ Hosta ] wrote:
This. When our kids went to bed at seven and had five minutes of hw and didn’t have to be driven to play practice things were much simpler.

I feel like we just have to get through these years

Ha this is me right now! 7 bedtime for all and 5 min of hmwk if that.
Wow ! It's making me want to live in the moment and appreciate where I am (although I'm still really really exhausted lol)
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amother
Hosta


 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 11:22 am
cupcake123 wrote:
Ha this is me right now! 7 bedtime for all and 5 min of hmwk if that.
Wow ! It's making me want to live in the moment and appreciate where I am (although I'm still really really exhausted lol)


Yes treasure it. I know you are exhausted. You will always be exhausted. But at least after seven your brain is off duty from being there emotionally.

Bh I’m not complaining I love my kids and wouldn’t want life any other way. But after a full day of work it’s hard to be on call till ten pm.
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cupcake123




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 11:27 am
amother [ Hosta ] wrote:
Yes treasure it. I know you are exhausted. You will always be exhausted. But at least after seven your brain is off duty from being there emotionally.

Bh I’m not complaining I love my kids and wouldn’t want life any other way. But after a full day of work it’s hard to be on call till ten pm.


Thank you for the chizuk!
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 1:25 pm
I read these threads and it makes me wonder. Is living in a place with such a high cost of living worth the sacrifice?

I live OOT. I’m a SAHM of 7 ka”h. I used to work part time teaching, more as a hobby than a job because it paid next to nothing. My husband works a not very demanding job and is able to be home a lot, so he’s very involved with the kids. If I told you how much we live on a month you would laugh. And we live pretty well, or at least I think so. We have a large, 4000+ sq ft home that cost less than $300k (not the norm for our neighborhood, most ppl have 4 bedroom houses for around $200k. Pre-Covid prices, now things are more.) We have vouchers so school is free. Granted, I have a boy starting yeshiva next year and a girl going to sleep away camp so our finances will need to change, I will probably have to start working part time, but for now it works.

Yes, it is very out of town. But I love the low material standards here. I’m able to dress my kids nicely by OOT standards and get them whatever they feel is the norm because it’s not a lot. Here, if you’re a year or two behind the current in-town trends, you’re ahead, so I can shop on sale. We can afford vacations thanks to credit card points. I have a cleaning lady 2 hrs a week. I’m able to send my little ones to playgroup for half a day. We don’t have money for everything, I’d love to redo my kitchen but that’s just not happening, but living calm and present and not always rushing is worth it to me.

And we’re not the only ones. A good percentage of moms here don’t work. Some do to support husbands in learning, and some both parents work. Pretty much everyone I know owns their home. Simchas are super modest, there’s literally no standard to live up to (especially after Covid). And life is calm here. There’s no rushing around. All your kids go to the same school (separate boys and girls of course) within walking distance until high school, so no juggling lots of carpool, different school schedules, etc.

So I’m wondering. What is it that keeps everyone in the tri-state area? I hear living close to family. (I grew up in NY fwiw, I don’t have any family nearby.) But I can’t really think of any other thing that would make the life that you’re all describing worth it. And I don’t mean to humble brag or make anyone feel bad, I really don’t. I’m just wondering what makes people think that out of town is SO not an option that it’s worth always feeling like you’re just holding it together and always exhausted.

Ok now I’m running for cover… TMI
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 1:31 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
I read these threads and it makes me wonder. Is living in a place with such a high cost of living worth the sacrifice?

I live OOT. I’m a SAHM of 7 ka”h. I used to work part time teaching, more as a hobby than a job because it paid next to nothing. My husband works a not very demanding job and is able to be home a lot, so he’s very involved with the kids. If I told you how much we live on a month you would laugh. And we live pretty well, or at least I think so. We have a large, 4000+ sq ft home that cost less than $300k (not the norm for our neighborhood, most ppl have 4 bedroom houses for around $200k. Pre-Covid prices, now things are more.) We have vouchers so school is free. Granted, I have a boy starting yeshiva next year and a girl going to sleep away camp so our finances will need to change, I will probably have to start working part time, but for now it works.

Yes, it is very out of town. But I love the low material standards here. I’m able to dress my kids nicely by OOT standards and get them whatever they feel is the norm because it’s not a lot. Here, if you’re a year or two behind the current in-town trends, you’re ahead, so I can shop on sale. We can afford vacations thanks to credit card points. I have a cleaning lady 2 hrs a week. I’m able to send my little ones to playgroup for half a day. We don’t have money for everything, I’d love to redo my kitchen but that’s just not happening, but living calm and present and not always rushing is worth it to me.

And we’re not the only ones. A good percentage of moms here don’t work. Some do to support husbands in learning, and some both parents work. Pretty much everyone I know owns their home. Simchas are super modest, there’s literally no standard to live up to (especially after Covid). And life is calm here. There’s no rushing around. All your kids go to the same school (separate boys and girls of course) within walking distance until high school, so no juggling lots of carpool, different school schedules, etc.

So I’m wondering. What is it that keeps everyone in the tri-state area? I hear living close to family. (I grew up in NY fwiw, I don’t have any family nearby.) But I can’t really think of any other thing that would make the life that you’re all describing worth it. And I don’t mean to humble brag or make anyone feel bad, I really don’t. I’m just wondering what makes people think that out of town is SO not an option that it’s worth always feeling like you’re just holding it together and always exhausted.

Ok now I’m running for cover… TMI


But that's community and state specific.
I was raised OOT and I have family raising their families in the same OOT city.
No vouchers so tuition is tough 12k per child as opposed to my 6k in Lakewood per child.
House prices are similar enough 500k can buy you something decent near frum people.
Chalav Yisroel and meat, matza, arba Minim, etc are significantly more expensive for them than me.

And traditionally those OOT communities that have vouchers tend to have a rough job market.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 1:39 pm
I hear that. So somewhere like that may not be worth it.
(I don’t find that to be the case with food prices btw. Based on what I read here it seems I spend considerably less than a lot of people in large Jewish cities for a family of my size. I’d say I spend about $1,000 a month.)
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 1:42 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
I hear that. So somewhere like that may not be worth it.
(I don’t find that to be the case with food prices btw. Based on what I read here it seems I spend considerably less than a lot of people in large Jewish cities for a family of my size. I’d say I spend about $1,000 a month.)


Depending on what hashgochos you're makpid on and products you use or whatever, you might spend even less on the east coast.
Or not.

I'm just pointing out that many of us know about OOT. Living OOT may even be easier because we have family, but for many reasons not doable.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 1:56 pm
For sure. Just wondering what those reasons might be. But you don’t have to share if you don’t want to, of course.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 1:57 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
For sure. Just wondering what those reasons might be. But you don’t have to share if you don’t want to, of course.


Rather not because I'm under my screen name.
But you can pm me
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 1:58 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
So I’m wondering. What is it that keeps everyone in the tri-state area? I hear living close to family. (I grew up in NY fwiw, I don’t have any family nearby.) But I can’t really think of any other thing that would make the life that you’re all describing worth it. And I don’t mean to humble brag or make anyone feel bad, I really don’t. I’m just wondering what makes people think that out of town is SO not an option that it’s worth always feeling like you’re just holding it together and always exhausted.

Ok now I’m running for cover… TMI


I grew up in the tristate area. I don't see living OOT as Utopia. There are things here that I like, like a strong frum community (including its pros and cons), a community we feel part of, Rabbanim, friends, and family that we grew up with. These are values we have that we feel are worth working harder for.

On a smaller scale, when I moved a few years ago, I could've bought a big fancy house on a huge property with a gorgeous pool for the price my more modest home on a frum block within walking distance of multiple shuls, with loads of frum neighbors. But obviously, these are values DH and I have that we believe are worth the price (and having a big fancy home isn't one of our values.)
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 2:01 pm
(To clarify, that number was with being makpid on Chassidishe shechita, cholov Yisroel, and pas Yisroel, and includes things that I would consider a splurge, like meat pretty often, packaged snacks for kids lunches, expensive bodek frozen veg, etc)
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 2:03 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
(To clarify, that number was with being makpid on Chassidishe shechita, cholov Yisroel, and pas Yisroel, and includes things that I would consider a splurge, like meat pretty often, packaged snacks for kids lunches, expensive bodek frozen veg, etc)


Still? Even over the past few months?
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amother
Glitter


 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 2:03 pm
One reason I know people stay in NY area are because of services available for children with special needs, especially as paid for by the city/state.
OOT you also need to factor is costs of having 2 cars usually (very difficult to manage on one) plus school transportation (carpool or you pay for busing, that's not covered, either).
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amother
Glitter


 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 2:06 pm
keym wrote:
Still? Even over the past few months?

Yeah, I recently moved even more OOT from an already OOT place and my food costs have definitely gone up. They were already higher than NY/NJ prices lol.
The only thing I can figure is if Gray is living in an OOT place that is still within pretty close driving distance to the Tristate area.
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keym




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 2:07 pm
I do want to put out there that many people stay in NY or NJ for the massive amounts of state-funded frum special needs stuff.
Simple early intervention, programs like SCHI and HASC, group homes, ABA programs.

I know very many people who consider moving OOT and then have a child with Downs Syndrome or CP, an ASD diagnosis, or even a micro-preemie and they stay put.
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amother
Lemonlime


 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 2:37 pm
cupcake123 wrote:
Ha this is me right now! 7 bedtime for all and 5 min of hmwk if that.
Wow ! It's making me want to live in the moment and appreciate where I am (although I'm still really really exhausted lol)


Some of us with young kids never have that my kids are total night owls.
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 2:37 pm
I don’t live close to the tri-state area. When I visit NY prices are definitely cheaper, like $1 less for dairy items like cottage cheese, milk, $1 less per lb for meat, etc. But for some reason it doesn’t make much of a difference? Not sure why. Maybe because I only buy meat and dairy and specifically kosher items at the kosher store and anything that can be bought in a regular grocery store I buy there? No one stop shopping here. I can also get meat and dairy in bulk sometimes…
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amother
Lemonlime


 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 2:42 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
I read these threads and it makes me wonder. Is living in a place with such a high cost of living worth the sacrifice?

I live OOT. I’m a SAHM of 7 ka”h. I used to work part time teaching, more as a hobby than a job because it paid next to nothing. My husband works a not very demanding job and is able to be home a lot, so he’s very involved with the kids. If I told you how much we live on a month you would laugh. And we live pretty well, or at least I think so. We have a large, 4000+ sq ft home that cost less than $300k (not the norm for our neighborhood, most ppl have 4 bedroom houses for around $200k. Pre-Covid prices, now things are more.) We have vouchers so school is free. Granted, I have a boy starting yeshiva next year and a girl going to sleep away camp so our finances will need to change, I will probably have to start working part time, but for now it works.

Yes, it is very out of town. But I love the low material standards here. I’m able to dress my kids nicely by OOT standards and get them whatever they feel is the norm because it’s not a lot. Here, if you’re a year or two behind the current in-town trends, you’re ahead, so I can shop on sale. We can afford vacations thanks to credit card points. I have a cleaning lady 2 hrs a week. I’m able to send my little ones to playgroup for half a day. We don’t have money for everything, I’d love to redo my kitchen but that’s just not happening, but living calm and present and not always rushing is worth it to me.

And we’re not the only ones. A good percentage of moms here don’t work. Some do to support husbands in learning, and some both parents work. Pretty much everyone I know owns their home. Simchas are super modest, there’s literally no standard to live up to (especially after Covid). And life is calm here. There’s no rushing around. All your kids go to the same school (separate boys and girls of course) within walking distance until high school, so no juggling lots of carpool, different school schedules, etc.

So I’m wondering. What is it that keeps everyone in the tri-state area? I hear living close to family. (I grew up in NY fwiw, I don’t have any family nearby.) But I can’t really think of any other thing that would make the life that you’re all describing worth it. And I don’t mean to humble brag or make anyone feel bad, I really don’t. I’m just wondering what makes people think that out of town is SO not an option that it’s worth always feeling like you’re just holding it together and always exhausted.

Ok now I’m running for cover… TMI


That all sounds good where do you live?
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amother
Gray


 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 2:46 pm
I figured someone would ask that…
I was hoping to stay anonymous…

Milwaukee
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 28 2021, 3:04 pm
keym wrote:
I do want to put out there that many people stay in NY or NJ for the massive amounts of state-funded frum special needs stuff.
Simple early intervention, programs like SCHI and HASC, group homes, ABA programs.

I know very many people who consider moving OOT and then have a child with Downs Syndrome or CP, an ASD diagnosis, or even a micro-preemie and they stay put.


I have a close relative who moved to the tri-state area from OOT as a teen, because her younger brother needed services that were not available there.

And I have a friend who moved back in-town from living OOT for years, for Parnassah reasons. You still need a source of income, even if the lifestyle OOT is more chilled.
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