Rebbe wont speak to me about child's progress

scintilla

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 9:39 pm

I think you need to speak with your agency - if they placed you there they are somewhat responsible for making sure it's possible for you to do your job.

amother

Dill

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 9:41 pm

Maybe he'd be more comfortable talking to you by phone?
I really find this weird, the melamdim in my son's cheder never had an issue with talking to mothers. My mom also spoke to melamdim plenty. My father is a melamed for 30 years now and deals mostly with moms when it comes to classroom issues and progress. What this melamed is doing is really not the typical.

amother

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 9:44 pm

amother [ Dill ] wrote:

hes very very frum
ive spoken to mothers who told me they want me to find out how their children are doing in class bc he wont speak to them either
it is what it is
im not part of this chassidus its hard for me to relate, but like I said earlier im trying to respect his gedarim

amother

Firethorn

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 9:53 pm

You have an ideal of what you want- a q and a if a discussion. It looks like that isn't going to happen. Instead of giving up the idea of feedback completely, I'd make a questionnaire. Give it to the school to give to the rebbe each month, from them as opposed to you.

I'd do it as ratings, with a likert scale- it will be easier for him, and likely more in line with how he thinks. You can put in a section for comments that might include anything he wants to add about something you asked above, OR, anything about the kid that has been different that month, including academic performance and behavior.

amother

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 9:54 pm

amother [ Firethorn ] wrote:

sounds like a really good idea
except they tried this already and he refuses to do it lol!

ill try again next week iyh

ra_mom

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 9:56 pm

Create a questionnaire with pointed questions (Does he... A. Always. B. Sometimes. C. Most of the time. D. Never) for him to answer fill in. Kind of like those assessments that therapists have parents fill out before an evaluation.

Have the parents hand it to him and ask him to return it to them.

amother

Opal

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 10:25 pm

Would a digital camera help? Taken by the secretary? One of my kids in a very anti technology school, used digital cameras to prove that certain kids need certain help. They told the class they were taking video how nicely they learned and played. And even with kids are their best behavior certain kids stood out.

#BestBubby

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 11:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

sounds like a really good idea
except they tried this already and he refuses to do it lol!

ill try again next week iyh

Maybe Rebbe does not read english.

amother

Junglegreen

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 11:57 pm

"Hi, I'm a professional trying to do my job and help these kids and you are getting in the way. If you think therapy doesn't do anything, at worst you'll have lost a little time speaking to me. But if it does work, you'll have helped the boys tremendously. I assume that, like me, you want to see your students grow and advance. We're working towards the same goal."

I would guess that he doesn't have the basic English skills needed to fill out a form.

Try to get the head of the agency to speak to him as well.

ETA, if he doesn't respond, get in touch with all the parents and tell them that he's stonewalling you. You would love to make progress, but you are being blocked.

amother

Ebony

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 12:09 am

Wow, this is so not okay. My son is in a chassidish school and he has a team of support involving males and females. There is no universe in which the rebbe does not speak to myself and other female therapists. Some rebbeim are more forthcoming and comfortable than others but there is no way I would tolerate no communication. Speak to the principal, your agency, the parents, stir up a ruckus. Your clients deserve better.

amother

Daylily

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 5:49 am

This doesn't sound like a frum issue, it sounds like a personality issue. He's not interested in speaking to you or creating a report? What kind of teacher is he? Does he care about his students' wellbeing?

imasinger

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 6:02 am

#BestBubby wrote:

Get one of those voice changers that make you sound male.

I love this idea.

Simple, practical, best interests of child and family.

amother

Milk

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 6:34 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

he speaks to fathers not wives.
when I asked him once about how a kid was in class he told me he doesnt feel comfortable answering and to only speak to the mother.
I work for an agency.

oh well. I tried I guess. ill just continue what I was doing

This doesn't make sense. My children are in one of the most frum mosdos, probably frummer than the one you are working for, and my boys rebbes speak to mothers.

It sounds like the biggest issue is the fact you are a therapist not that you are a woman
There also sounds like there is a cultural and language barrier, and I'm not sure you are the right match. Also, how old are the children? I imagine the parents would probably prefer a male therapist for boys. How do the parents feel about the entire set up of your calling?

Why would you need to speak to the rebbes? If the parents hired you maybe speak to them and have them speak to the rebbe? I think he was right to tell you to speak to the child's mother.

amother

Lilac

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 7:05 am

scientist wrote:

Maybe ask the menahel to help you find a solution?

I think this would be ur best bet. Usually the principals are very aware of what’s going on in the classroom. If he doesn’t know he can ask and give u the feedback. Hatzlacha Raba!