Would this annoy you??

amother

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 3:15 pm

I have a guest room bh. A neighbor had a Simcha a year or 2 back and she was sending me and older single uncle who ended up coming erev shab with his stuff and then falling asleep on her couch and never showing up despite me leaving the door open etc.
This week she asked me to host again for a Simcha and this time her company never showed up at all. Not even erev shab.
Technically it doesn’t matter cuz the beds will sit done for the next person except it was a hard ever shab for me and I was def stressed over having the room made up on time.

Curious how to react. She still didn’t call me to say anything Can't Believe It

amother

Lemonchiffon

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 3:22 pm

Once ok it happens but twice the same person? I almost feel like she's using you as back up and then doesn't tell you she doesn't need you last second. Next time I would just decline and say sorry it won't work out.

Mom/Bubby/Morah

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 3:24 pm

Yes I’d be annoyed . No I wouldn’t tell her no next time - but I’d ask her to confirm the week
of . Happened to me once - called my friend frantically moments before licht bentchen and she said ‘ sorry I forgot to tell you they’re not coming ! ‘

LittleDucky

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 3:25 pm

If she ever asks you to host in the future please tell her what happened, that you need to be kept in the loop uf the guest changed their plans, and that you can only host if they will actually show up.
A one time falling asleep on the couch is not a huge issue IMO and cant be expected. Twice is a pattern with their guests and needs to be brought up. Especially as you said you left the door unlocked. That is dangerous (especially depending on where you live and how crime has increased in many areas). If they fell asleep someone should knock on your door.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 3:45 pm

Please don't judge your neighbor who made the simcha. Most people would be furious if they made up a bunch of rooms and their friend didn't bother to pick up a phone and let them know there was a change in plans and they weren't having guests. That's because they can't imagine there are people who wouldn't bother letting the hostess know. I'm here to let you know they exist.
Dh has multiple family members who say they're coming and don't show. At one simcha Friday night after candle lighting my sister-in-law asked why I made place settings for family she already knew weren't coming. No one had bothered telling me, the hostess. I felt terrible to have put out neighbors who set up for my guests and nobody showed up, but since it was almost time to start the meal I couldn't walk over and tell them. Next simcha I told those same guests they didn't have to come and we wouldn't be offended. They assured us they didn't want to miss it and were coming and they did the same thing again. This time I found out early enough to let the hosts know but since it was almost Shabbos I don't think the phone call was appreciated.
It's disgusting behavior on the part of the guests but don't be angry at your neighbor. I'm sure you're upset but your friend is even more upset, and she's embarrassed too.

amother

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 3:45 pm

Flip Flops wrote:

I don't understand why you didn't say anything to her.
First thing I would do after shabbos is call her and ask her what happened.

She prob put up 50 plus people for Shabbos. Her guests obv didn’t show... The whole world is sick I’m not shocked. I didn’t call cuz how would that change anything and I don’t want to come across annoyed on the phone

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 3:51 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I guess I have a diff kind of relationship with my neighbors... I would def call to hear what happened and shmooze about it. Either she'll apologize and you'll hear her side of the story or you can nicely add that it was a bit frustrating...

observer

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 6:54 pm

I would call the neighbor after Shabbos to find out what happened.

I wouldn't jump to saying no the next time, as it isn't the host's fault, and if they really need it, it's a big chessed. But I would call the neighbor a couple of days before to confirm, in light of the history there.

SingALong

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 9:27 pm

I have neighbors guests all the time for Simcha’s. I happen to have a separate door for the basement that goes straight to the guest bedrooms. I lock the door from my kids playroom to the guest area. Before Shabbos I text my house the combo to the basement entrance. The guests can come and go whenever, and everything stays locked.

Even if you don’t have a separate entrance, would you be comfortable giving a guest your Shabbos combo to let themselves in?then you can go to sleep with the door locked? Or do you need to show them the room they’re staying in?

If I d be having Shabbos guests that didn’t show up before candle lighting I’d lock up and assume they’re not coming.

amother

Mocha

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 9:56 pm

amother [ Camellia ] wrote:

It's not the neighbor's fault that the guest didn't show up.

It happened twice with this neighbor. If it were me, I’d at least be very apologetic. I think I’d have also confirmed with the guests beforehand.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 10:25 pm

I once had a stranger call me (just happened to be making a Simcha in my neighborhood) to ask for a guest room for Shabbos. She called me twice to confirm that I can host her guests and she ended up canceling on Thursday before the simcha. She called me back on Friday midday to ask if she could have the room after all. I said yes but I wasn’t happy.

amother

Sun, Jan 02 2022, 11:09 pm

amother [ Mocha ] wrote:

It happened twice with this neighbor. If it were me, I’d at least be very apologetic. I think I’d have also confirmed with the guests beforehand.

I asked her to confirm the week of cuz she asked a month or 2 early. She confirmed this week Mon or Tues. I turned down family who asked to come cuz I had given out the room. I told my fam “another time” they tested positive for Covid today. Now I’m grateful to my neighbor Wink