Do most kids go on airplanes and vacations

amother

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:09 pm

I am wondering what is the standard these days. My kids ages 8-15 keep telling me that all the kids in their class have been on a plane and go on vacations. I will admit that my husband and I are homebodys and do not get out often however we do take the kids on local outings on chol hamoed and vacation. Now once again midwinter is coming up and I feel so much pressure to "do something". I really really don't want to do anything! I want to stay home and relax with activities. Am I obligated to take trips with my kids?
They get plenty of love and attention but this issue of vacations makes me crazy.
We do not have extra money at all to spend - if we'd do something it would be outside of budget. What am I obligated to do this day and age.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:11 pm

How about yes, a few times , but you do you. ?
Why do you think that if my kids have gone a number of times that I think you should take your kids ?

I couldn’t vote. None of them were the right answer for me .

amother

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:15 pm

Does it make a difference that this is in Lakewood. I have so much pressure from my kids to do this! For the record- they are generally satisfied with what we provide - however this thing about all the kids go on airplanes to florida is making me hyperventilate!

amother

Yolk

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:18 pm

It depends on which Lakewood school probably…my kids are in Bais Faiga and cheder. I’d say maybe 4 out of 30 in the class go on planes for mid winter. It’s completely not a pressure for them. It is a pressure to do some type of outing though

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:20 pm

It's called peer pressure and you do not need to give in! Also, the kids that go on fancy vacations are many times the more vocal ones so their friends think that "everyone" is doing it, when in fact there are plenty of families who do not, but they obviously don't boast about NOT going. If at all possible, try to doing something fun with your kids, but it does not necessity an airplane or Florida!

amother

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:23 pm

TY all - just trying to get a sense of whether I am off the wall or not.

I was told by neighborhood friends that yes -most kids in this age group do go to florida or some airplane involved trip. Maybe it's the circles I am in? I don't know. I just don't want to be negligent.

Simple1

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:25 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My kids also said they're the only ones who never went on airplanes. I found that hard to believe that all these big families find the time and money to go on airplanes. They're not pressuring me for winter vacation, just in general to go at some point on such a trip.

But especially when you have kids in high school, winter vacation doesn't work out because the vacation days for all the schools don't line up.

amother

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:30 pm

Simple1 wrote:

At least I'm not the only one. I feel like I provide for all their basic needs occasional extras and much more - we have a happy loving home. I don't want to go into debt to provide for such extravagance but if I'd hear that this is indeed not an extravagance this day and age then I'm fine.

amother

Nemesia

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:32 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Negligent is a very strong word here. I live in Lakewood and while it’s not unusual for families to go to Florida for midwinter vacation I still wouldn’t go as far as to say that whoever doesn’t go is in the minority and depriving their children.

amother

Phlox

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:34 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Bais Faiga here. Went once with kids to FL. Used points from credit card sign up bonuses for flights and hotel. Didn’t make a huge deal of it. On the trip pointed out to kids that dying is a hassle- even first class seats aren’t all that comfortable, Shabbos meal wasn’t as nice as home and weather was nice and it was an enjoyable trip but far more hassle than an enjoyable local trip. Kids had a good time but are actually not interested in going back. They like staying home. DH and I never talk about other people’s trips or lifestyles so kids don’t grow up thinking they are missing out.

amother

Iris

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:41 pm

We traveled by plane to see family with kids in that age group, and we took a family trip to Israel, so everyone in my family is familiar with airplane travel. This does not mean that other families should travel by plane with any particular frequency. As for vacations, we're not fancy. We would have liked to go more places, but between work commitments and cost, it's never been possible and we really enjoy local day trips. If other people have the ability and desire to go on "destination" vacations, great. I don't begrudge them anything.

imacoolmom

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 2:57 pm

My husband and I are not into traveling; when we were younger we couldn’t afford big trips and now we don’t have that much time or energy. I’m in Brooklyn and it definitely feels like a lot of families go to Miami, Orlando etc. My teen daughter has never been on an airplane and she guilts me all the time about it. We are going to Florida for Pesach for the first time, first time my kids have been anywhere and they are super excited. It’s going to be a one time treat which will make it meaningful
I really think there’s value in kids not getting everything or doing everything ( even if parents can afford) otherwise they take things for granted and don’t appreciate…..

tichellady

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 3:01 pm

There is nothing wrong with you deciding that that does not work for your family, it’s also fine for your kids to be interested in travel and I don’t think you need to discourage that.you could tell them that there will be a time and a place in their life for that and it’s not right now Have them come up with ideas of ways to make vacation fun for them

amother

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 3:06 pm

tichellady wrote:

TY - is it an "obligation" on parents to travel with kids?
I happened to have travelled a lot as a kid however we (my parents) had plenty of time and money. These are things that I do not have. I also have no interest.
I just wonder if "travel" is like orthodontic work - a necessary part of childhood.

Hashem_Yaazor

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 3:10 pm

My teenage sons only fly because they go to yeshiva out of town.
The only other kid of mine who has been on an airplane is my 11.5 yo who traveled with me at 18 months to visit my grandmother shortly before she passed away.
And yes my kids complain that they've never been on a plane...

amother

Lightgray

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 3:26 pm

I think there are many people that go away but its not the base standard. Your kids are not the 'have nots' because they don't go.
That said its very much circle dependent. I dont think my daughter has pressure from her class because I send her to a very simple school. We do have pressure from my husbands family. They all go away for midwinter be it florida or somewhere else.

amother

Impatiens

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 3:27 pm

I went as a kid at least once a year by plane. But not usually for vacations- we lived OOT way too far to drive to see family. So we would go once or twice a year to see the grandparents.
My kids (elementary school) have gone on a plane a few times to visit their great grandparent. The only reason they went was to see my grandparent- no outings, no sight seeing etc. Unfortunately, my grandparent was niftar recently- I guess there won't be any reason for the kids to travel. Crying

No one has to travel by plane. I have friends whose first plane trip was to seminary. And before they went home at the end of the year they asked me to walk them through what to do at the airport because they didnt know what to do and they were flying by themselves this time...

abaker

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 3:39 pm

I voted many times but you are not negligent op if you don't. Take that part off your poll. Pre covid we would fly a few times a year to visit family. Once our family grew we started to drive because it was easier logistically to have our van with us at our destination rather than flying and schlepping carseats renting a car. My oldest has been on a plane so many times because first children are so portable. My youngest has never been because we drive nowadays and also ya know covid times.

Sewsew_mom

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 3:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Forgive me... But omg your neighbor sounds like my second grader EVERYONE IS GOING TO FLORIDA.
NO. not everyone is going to Florida. Not everyone is going on an airplane. In fact most are not. But there are always a handful that enjoy traveling. Have the funds to go and find it a necessity. But I don't think you should be getting convinced by a 2nd grade neighbor that everyone is doing it. I think you know that most people are not.
And just a side thought.. I enjoy traveling. I even enjoy taking my kids every so often on a trip somewhere. But NEVER during midwinter break. I stay far away from these places midwinter.
Please don't change your outlook on what you feel is important by peer pressure.