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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Jan 04 2022, 6:40 pm
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I’m at a loss and really need help. My 13 son is b”h very bright and in Gemara kids are always(literally every day) asking him to explain things to them during class(teacher is clearly overwhelmed with other kids so he ends inadvertently being the “helper). The problem is that there are a few kids who always ask him for help who are really mean to him otherwise. He helps them because he doesn’t know what else to do but it’s killing him because he knows they are using him. How should he handle this?
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Rubies
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Tue, Jan 04 2022, 6:43 pm
Can you give him the ability and confidence to make the choice to help or not? It shouldn't be a given.
He can choose to say 'if you are mean to me I don't help you in gemara class'.
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jan 04 2022, 6:59 pm
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He’s tried to do it in the past but then they become even bigger jerks to him so he just feels like it’s pointless(one is extremely impulsive and rude and takes no responsibility for his actions, the other one is very manipulative- has the teachers completely fooled but has a real mean streak). This has been going on for a while, and I had dealt with it with the school principals and teachers and with him ignoring them so it’s been manageable. But now that they run after him during class, he’s so torn about how to do it without making a scene or getting in trouble, because they’re relentless and very loud. I’m looking for good strategies for him and myself about how to approach it next.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Tue, Jan 04 2022, 7:01 pm
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He can charge $5 for tutoring and homework help
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FranticFrummie
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Tue, Jan 04 2022, 7:05 pm
| amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote: | | He can charge $5 for tutoring and homework help |
And he doesn't charge anything to his friends. The $5 is a "bully tax."
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amother
OP
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Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:36 pm
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That would be a good idea if it was after school. This is during class while the teacher is working with other kids so it’s more of a spontaneous encounter where they come over to him for help and then treat him like dirt once class ends. He’s trying to work out how to tell them to go fly a kite unless they plan on treating him decently without creating drama and fighting(because they’ll flip out if he turns them down but then helps other boys).
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amother
Floralwhite
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Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:49 pm
| FranticFrummie wrote: | | And he doesn't charge anything to his friends. The $5 is a "bully tax." |
Exactly!
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amother
Floralwhite
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Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:50 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | That would be a good idea if it was after school. This is during class while the teacher is working with other kids so it’s more of a spontaneous encounter where they come over to him for help and then treat him like dirt once class ends. He’s trying to work out how to tell them to go fly a kite unless they plan on treating him decently without creating drama and fighting(because they’ll flip out if he turns them down but then helps other boys). |
He can always say he's still working through it so they have to wait lol
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Rubies
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Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:52 pm
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | | He’s tried to do it in the past but then they become even bigger jerks to him so he just feels like it’s pointless(one is extremely impulsive and rude and takes no responsibility for his actions, the other one is very manipulative- has the teachers completely fooled but has a real mean streak). This has been going on for a while, and I had dealt with it with the school principals and teachers and with him ignoring them so it’s been manageable. But now that they run after him during class, he’s so torn about how to do it without making a scene or getting in trouble, because they’re relentless and very loud. I’m looking for good strategies for him and myself about how to approach it next. |
Have him try it again but clue in the teachers so they can see the pattern.
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