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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
If you teach kindergarten - 2nd grade, what do you REALLY
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jan 05 2022, 10:13 pm
Think about the kids who never do their homework??
I’m talking about kriyah, simple math, reading, worksheets… that the kids are sent home with everything day and need to send back signed. 9/10 times the homework isn’t signed, filled out, or even gets lost.
The truth is these kids are too young to be responsible for all this homework so…
What do you think of the parents?
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amother
Heather


 

Post Wed, Jan 05 2022, 10:15 pm
Why don't you call the parent and find out what's going on? Maybe they are overwhelmed and homework is just not a priority. I never realized how difficult it was to do homework with kids until I had my own kids.
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amother
Holly


 

Post Wed, Jan 05 2022, 10:17 pm
Why think something of the parents? Pick up the phone and discuss it with them, find out what the issue is. It is so hard to get kids to do homework after school.
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gibberish




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 05 2022, 10:22 pm
OP, if doing homework with your son is a struggle, then please pick up the phone and discuss it with the teachers. There are plenty of kids that don't do homework, but open communication is important. Also, the teacher may be able to give you guidance on the areas of struggle that require review and let you know what can be skipped.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jan 05 2022, 10:26 pm
I’m the parent. As a kid, I pretty much never did my homework. I probably have undiagnosed ADHD. My bag was a mess and I often lost stuff and ran out of supplies and never restocked.

Fast forward 25 years and I have an adorable child kah who is just like me. Bright, creative, and a mess. Backpack is very disorganized, papers crumpled and lost. SO SO SO much homework and very little patience getting it done after a long day of school. And very honestly, I also don’t have the patience and mindset for it. How many times can I beg the poor kid to practice reading followed by math followed for vocabulary and kriah?

I was so happy to be done with schoolwork after I graduated. And now I feel like I’m back in school!
I feel guilty and incapable. Very often I forget to read all the notes every day and then my child comes home crying that everyone brought in a stuffed animal for a project except them. It’s so hard for me to keep track of everything and DC isn’t keeping track either.

When you have a student who ran out of pencils a month ago and still hasn’t restocked, or lost their homework folder for the second week in a row, or has a very blank signature section in the kriah book, do you think the child is being neglected or lives in a dysfunctional home?

My home stocked with healthy and often homemade food. I somehow keep up with laundry (though I don’t iron). Kids are bathed, wear clean clothes, we read books together and laugh and learn with each other. Their vocabulary is superb and they are happy. But I see my irresponsibility passed on to my kids and it makes my heart sink. Am I neglecting them?
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amother
Arcticblue


 

Post Wed, Jan 05 2022, 10:37 pm
TBH, if I see that a student has ADHD tendencies along with a parent who misses many notes and doesn't do homework, I generally assume it's likely the parent has ADHD tendencies too. And if there's something I feel is especially important for the parent to be aware of/ on top of, I'll communicate with that parent in other ways (not only notes and folders). I don't see it a negative, but it can be a challenge when the child misses out on things like bringing a teddy bear (I bring extra teddy bears on those days because there will always be parents who missed the memo!).

You should be aware that while you feel guilty now, in a couple of years it will be your child who feels guilty and bad about himself. If organization doesn't come naturally to you, hire someone to work with both of you so he can stay on top of his assignments and feel successful. The goal is not to hide his adhd. The goal is for him to feel good about himself, and a certain amount of organization is necessary for that to happen in a mainstream school environment.
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amother
Calendula


 

Post Wed, Jan 05 2022, 10:39 pm
I HATE home work!!!! To me homework should be mandatory1-2 days a week(so parents really know what is going on. Parents/children choose the day) the other days should be optional and the children who do more should be rewarded... houses are hectic many parents have more than one job, or work late outside the home and don’t want to spend the few waking hours fighting with their lies about work. They want to enjoy their time w their children... I’m my house the children who need the help do their homework the others choose if they want to do it based on what their own social pressures or consequences in school.🤷‍♀️
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 05 2022, 10:43 pm
That's tough OP.

Is your child keeping up with learning - reading/kriah on grade level?

If the answer is yes, then homework is not so important.

It is important to teach responsibility, but maybe when your child is older and can do it herself.

PS Maybe on Shobbos and Sunday do some reading/kriah practice.
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amother
Amber


 

Post Wed, Jan 05 2022, 10:46 pm
I'm not a teacher, but I was like your daughter. Not the creative part, but the disorganized part.

The homework itself may not be important. But it is very important to have some structure and routine for your daughter and to teach her the executive function skills that she will need to function as an adult.

I did not get that and I have had to do a lot of work as an adult to catch up. In the meantime, I went through a lot of unpleasant and stressful experiences in school, college, grad school, and work, that were the result of executive function deficiencies. I'm sure a lot of factors contributed, but besides probable undiagnosed ADHD, my parents also were disorganized in home life. It wasn't their fault, they faced external challenging circumstances and really had no knowledge that ADHD was even a thing. But I didn't have anyone modeling or teaching me the skills.

DH and I are trying to be better for our kids. We are far from perfect, but we are learning and improving.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 05 2022, 10:48 pm
I think when your child is a bit older, get an ADHD coach to teach organizational skills.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 05 2022, 10:52 pm
I get you op. My sons principal called me the other day to tell me that they are having a big test in a week and to make sure to do the homework with him every night. I was so embarrassed 😳
And I usually do the homework with him. But I guess I miss enough ...
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amother
Alyssum


 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 12:06 am
I think there are usually a handful of students that don’t hand in the work. There could be many different reasons for it.
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amother
Amaranthus


 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 12:07 am
Op my dd has adhd and the first few years of school was so hard for her. Like you described papers always crumpled, missing, etc. I spent every week or so sitting on the floor, emptying out her knapsack together with her, picking what was garbage and what’s important to keep. We did this ALOT until she was able to do it on her own. Did the same with her room too, but didn’t need to do as often. Today she Bh keeps her knapsack and workspace super neat and organized. I think having her stuff neat and organized helps her focus and remember stuff so much more easily, her brain doesn’t also need to work through the mess of papers and have to figure out what to do. By now she craves structure and order around her cuz she needs it so badly to be able to function. I also hired a girl on my block to come do homework with her every night. She couldn’t stay focused when I’d do it with her and every two minutes another kid would come ask me for a drink or help with something. With the girl they can have uninterrupted hw time. If that is an option for you I’d try to do work something like that out.

(My other kids knapsacks are flying most of the time but it doesn’t effect their function since they just know how to pick out what they need and do their work. It’s effortless for them. They have a different way of thinking).
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 12:10 am
amother [ Amaranthus ] wrote:
Op my dd has adhd and the first few years of school was so hard for her. Like you described papers always crumpled, missing, etc. I spent every week or so sitting on the floor, emptying out her knapsack together with her, picking what was garbage and what’s important to keep. We did this ALOT until she was able to do it on her own. Did the same with her room too, but didn’t need to do as often. Today she Bh keeps her knapsack and workspace super neat and organized. I think having her stuff neat and organized helps her focus and remember stuff so much more easily, her brain doesn’t also need to work through the mess of papers and have to figure out what to do. By now she craves structure and order around her cuz she needs it so badly to be able to function. I also hired a girl on my block to come do homework with her every night. She couldn’t stay focused when I’d do it with her and every two minutes another kid would come ask me for a drink or help with something. With the girl they can have uninterrupted hw time. If that is an option for you I’d try to do work something like that out.

(My other kids knapsacks are flying most of the time but it doesn’t effect their function since they just know how to pick out what they need and do their work. It’s effortless for them. They have a different way of thinking).


Wow this sounds amazing… the problem is I struggle with the same things… my house is pretty disorganized and sometimes even chaotic and I feel badly about it affecting my kids in this way versus having a neat, calming home.

I feel like my child and I can use some kind of executive functioning course together.
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amother
Gardenia


 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 12:11 am
Im a school based SLP.
I see boys 2x a week 30 min sessions.
Im lucky if I see the boys for 25 mins, by the time they get their folder, go to the bathroom walk down to the speech room etc.

I send home 2 sheets of HW a week for carry over.

Some parents do it with their children, and many of my kids dont.
Some kids beg me for more HW (I give fun worksheets).

I already tell students in the beg of the year HW isnt an expectation, but if its done, its rewarded with an extra sticker on their chart + an extra sticker for parent signature. they're not penalized for not doing HW. but you betchya I can see whos making better progress when they do carry over work at home.
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mommy3b2c




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 9:23 am
amother [ Gardenia ] wrote:
Im a school based SLP.
I see boys 2x a week 30 min sessions.
Im lucky if I see the boys for 25 mins, by the time they get their folder, go to the bathroom walk down to the speech room etc.

I send home 2 sheets of HW a week for carry over.

Some parents do it with their children, and many of my kids dont.
Some kids beg me for more HW (I give fun worksheets).

I already tell students in the beg of the year HW isnt an expectation, but if its done, its rewarded with an extra sticker on their chart + an extra sticker for parent signature. they're not penalized for not doing HW. but you betchya I can see whos making better progress when they do carry over work at home.


Speech therapy homework is different then the teacher .
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amother
Arcticblue


 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 9:27 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Wow this sounds amazing… the problem is I struggle with the same things… my house is pretty disorganized and sometimes even chaotic and I feel badly about it affecting my kids in this way versus having a neat, calming home.

I feel like my child and I can use some kind of executive functioning course together.


This is what an ADHD coach does.
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amother
Beige


 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 9:28 am
I hate hate homework! My kids have so much homework everyday day. I don't know what the teachers are thinking! I don't have an hour every evening to dedicate to homework. If it's too hectic at home or I don't have patience/energy to do homework, I skip it and write a note for the teacher. To me, homework is just not a priority. There's zero reason for kids to have so much homework, of the teacher is afraid the kids will "forget" from one day to the next, they need to do a better job teaching the material.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 10:05 am
My 5 year old is very bright, but has adhd tendencies. His knapsack is always open, and he is forever losing his homework. We sometimes do homework, but I don't really care so much because he is doing well in school and he is young.

My older kids need to do homework. But things sometimes get in the way. Recently, I had a lot of close family simchos, and had other things as well that I ended up being out a few nights a week for a few weeks. Not long after, first trimester sickness and exhaustion hit, along with the sick season. I am having a hard time keeping up with everything and homework is less of a priority. One kids comes to me with homework, where others are happy to avoid it. I feel bad, but this is life and iyh I'll be back at it soon.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 10:16 am
Here's my method:

A) Set an alarm on your phone to go into ds's bag, find the notes, and do the things on them (or set up alerts in your phone to do them.) Set it for a time you're less likely to just snooze it.

Note- It's definitely worth at least asking the teachers to email you things in addition to sending it physically. This tells the teacher you are working on the communication and asking her to work with you.

B) Re the work itself: My adhd ds was very into trains. I/we made a path-type game board with four stops on it, for the different categories of hw, and got a toy train car. He got to move the train from stop to stop as he accomplished work, make different noises bases on terrain, etc. To pull into the last stop, he had to put everything away and close his backpack. Then he earned something small but desired. This helped both him and me. It can be adapted to many interests. You can even make something on the computer and make copies of dc likes the color it in each day.
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