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Who should share a room? Wwyd?
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 6:22 pm
My 2.5 year old needs to move out of my master bedroom. He can either move in with his sisters who are 10 and 11. Or a 16 year old brother. Wwyd? This will probably be a long-term arrangement as we can't afford to move to a bigger house.
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amother




Nemesia
 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 6:24 pm
If there’s room I would do for now with the girls and I don’t know about by you but where I live boys usually go to dorm at some point so you can then rearrange.
Saying this because bochurim usually get up earlier to wake the toddler.
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amother




Sage
 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 6:26 pm
Sounds like he’s a boy, so why not big brother? There’s a huge age difference in all cases, and sounds like brother has more space anyway.
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cupcake123




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 6:30 pm
The 16 year old
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amother




Seafoam
 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 6:34 pm
Definitely the 16 year old. I bet he's not around much, and you may get a lot of resentment from the girls if you put him there. Meanwhile, have an arrangement/setup in your room to put him for naps and an occasional night there when it is helpful.
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amother




Daylily
 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 6:34 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My 2.5 year old needs to move out of my master bedroom. He can either move in with his sisters who are 10 and 11. Or a 16 year old brother. Wwyd? This will probably be a long-term arrangement as we can't afford to move to a bigger house.


Who has more of a similar schedule. Does the 2.5 year old wake up early and would wake up his sisters? Who needs their space more?
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amother




Blush
 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 7:10 pm
I would keep him in your room, until someone moves out. Unless someone is very open to having him in his/her room.
It's difficult to have a child with such a big age gap in the room.
They can't be in there after he's asleep, can't talk on the phone to friends, or turn lights on, or rummage around.
It could breed resentment.
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amother




DarkYellow
 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 7:47 pm
amother [ Blush ] wrote:
I would keep him in your room, until someone moves out. Unless someone is very open to having him in his/her room.
It's difficult to have a child with such a big age gap in the room.
They can't be in there after he's asleep, can't talk on the phone to friends, or turn lights on, or rummage around.
It could breed resentment.

A boy that age in yeshiva is never ever home. It would make zero difference for him to have the baby in there- he comes home and goes to sleep.
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amother




Impatiens
 

Post Thu, Jan 06 2022, 7:54 pm
Are you asking out of an abundance of caution of the little one being in the same room with his older brother? I appreciate the concern. I don’t have big boys but my toddler son shares a room with 2 of his much older sisters and it works well for us. Sometimes inconvenient but generally fine. I’d be more comfortable with him in the girls room.
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singsong




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 10 2022, 1:40 pm
amother [ DarkYellow ] wrote:
A boy that age in yeshiva is never ever home. It would make zero difference for him to have the baby in there- he comes home and goes to sleep.


Not everyone goes the yeshiva route. My son is in a very Jewish boys high school and keeps a schedule similar to the girls schools. He's out from about 7:30 - 5/6. OP did not mention what her teenage son's schedule is.

Personally I'd put the 2.5 year old with whichever sibling has a similar schedule. That way the one that say, goes to sleep later or wakes up later doesn't have to feel like they're "locked out" of their room.
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SixOfWands




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 10 2022, 1:46 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My 2.5 year old needs to move out of my master bedroom. He can either move in with his sisters who are 10 and 11. Or a 16 year old brother. Wwyd? This will probably be a long-term arrangement as we can't afford to move to a bigger house.


The 16 year old.

The age gap is so big between your toddler and his older siblings that no one is going to be thrilled to have him with them.

But your 16 year old is likely to be moving out in a couple of years, to yeshiva or college or whatever.

While the 10 and 11 year olds are going to be teens, who won't be particularly comfortable with a 5 year old boy in their room in a couple of years.
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amother




Calendula
 

Post Mon, Jan 10 2022, 1:58 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
The 16 year old.

The age gap is so big between your toddler and his older siblings that no one is going to be thrilled to have him with them.

But your 16 year old is likely to be moving out in a couple of years, to yeshiva or college or whatever.

While the 10 and 11 year olds are going to be teens, who won't be particularly comfortable with a 5 year old boy in their room in a couple of years.


A slight thread derailment, but how do people manage to get their older DCs to move out? I used to think this about 18-year olds, but we are at the stage where we have kids in their 20s still around and the younger kids at home need their space. We had incorrectly presumed by now that they would have moved out…

To bring it back to OP’s question, my point is just that you can’t guarantee that the older DCs will move out when you make your decision.
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amother




Blush
 

Post Mon, Jan 10 2022, 3:32 pm
amother [ Calendula ] wrote:
A slight thread derailment, but how do people manage to get their older DCs to move out? I used to think this about 18-year olds, but we are at the stage where we have kids in their 20s still around and the younger kids at home need their space. We had incorrectly presumed by now that they would have moved out…

To bring it back to OP’s question, my point is just that you can’t guarantee that the older DCs will move out when you make your decision.


I don't think you should. DH lived with his parents until we got married, when he was 29. 2 moved out before they got married, 3 stayed until they got married, in their 20s.
I wouldn't kick out children. They can share rooms, but as long as my children wanted to stay with me, I would find room for them. It's their home, as well.
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 10 2022, 3:38 pm
You can't move a boy in with his preteen sisters long term. The sixteen year old will have to put up with it. It might be easier some nights to put him to sleep in your room and then move him later on, so that the sixteen year old can use the room in the evenings.

Looking ahead, in a few years time you might want another room to host your older son and his wife when they come for Shabbos. Is there any way you can adapt the space or convert an attic to give another room?
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amother




Cerise
 

Post Mon, Jan 10 2022, 3:44 pm
SixOfWands wrote:
The 16 year old.

The age gap is so big between your toddler and his older siblings that no one is going to be thrilled to have him with them.

But your 16 year old is likely to be moving out in a couple of years, to yeshiva or college or whatever.

While the 10 and 11 year olds are going to be teens, who won't be particularly comfortable with a 5 year old boy in their room in a couple of years.


I agree, and I wonder if you can put up a curtain or similar in the room around your baby's space so your older son can at least have the light on when he's in there? I dormed out of town and therefore always shared with the baby, which I thought was a great setup except the light was the only annoying part when I was home.
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SixOfWands




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 10 2022, 3:57 pm
amother [ Cerise ] wrote:
I agree, and I wonder if you can put up a curtain or similar in the room around your baby's space so your older son can at least have the light on when he's in there? I dormed out of town and therefore always shared with the baby, which I thought was a great setup except the light was the only annoying part when I was home.


I was thinking that they could get the 16 year old a loft bed with a desk/relaxation area underneath that he could curtain off for privacy. Sort of like the boy version of this:

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amother




Calendula
 

Post Mon, Jan 10 2022, 3:58 pm
amother [ Blush ] wrote:
I don't think you should. DH lived with his parents until we got married, when he was 29. 2 moved out before they got married, 3 stayed until they got married, in their 20s.
I wouldn't kick out children. They can share rooms, but as long as my children wanted to stay with me, I would find room for them. It's their home, as well.


29 definitely won’t work for DH and I! We will downsize the house by then. It isn’t technically kicking them out as they are financially independent adults.
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amother




Snapdragon
 

Post Mon, Jan 10 2022, 4:05 pm
amother [ Calendula ] wrote:
29 definitely won’t work for DH and I! We will downsize the house by then. It isn’t technically kicking them out as they are financially independent adults.


My aunt never married, and never left home. She is in her early sixties, and still lives with her mother, in her nineties. I don't know the exact financial arrangements, but she pays rent, and they split the bills 50/50. Possibly she pays more now. While her mother is very healthy, at her age the family is very glad that there is someone else in the house with her in case of need.
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amother




Calendula
 

Post Mon, Jan 10 2022, 4:12 pm
amother [ Snapdragon ] wrote:
My aunt never married, and never left home. She is in her early sixties, and still lives with her mother, in her nineties. I don't know the exact financial arrangements, but she pays rent, and they split the bills 50/50. Possibly she pays more now. While her mother is very healthy, at her age the family is very glad that there is someone else in the house with her in case of need.


That is nice, but it won’t be our scenario as the DCs are not paying rent or bills. I agree it is different if an adult child is contributing like an adult.
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Raisin




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jan 10 2022, 4:14 pm
amother [ Calendula ] wrote:
A slight thread derailment, but how do people manage to get their older DCs to move out? I used to think this about 18-year olds, but we are at the stage where we have kids in their 20s still around and the younger kids at home need their space. We had incorrectly presumed by now that they would have moved out…

To bring it back to OP’s question, my point is just that you can’t guarantee that the older DCs will move out when you make your decision.


Putting a toddler in their room may help encourage older children to move out!
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