Why such big portions—bal tashchis

amother

Fri, Jan 07 2022, 3:07 pm

Mothers of small children, a question: Inotice mothers dishing out adult-size portions of food to babies, toddlers and preschoolers, when the kids haven’t a prayer of eating so much. The kids take two bites and the rest ends up in the garbage.

You can’t predict how hungry or picky your dc will be at any given meal , but why dish out so much lechatchila? Why not dish out a tablespoon or three, and if the kid wants more, give him a refill the same size? Why get them used to seeing oversized portions and tolerating massive waste? Meileh, if you eat their leftovers, but from what I see, few parents do. Three quarters of the food gets wasted.

When I feed my dc, I dole out a little at a time and refill as needed. There’s always some waste, but in spoonfuls, not in handfuls. A cube of chicken, not most of a chicken quartet.

Also, why give the kid a whole yogurt or whatever to feed himself, when you know he’ll only have a little. Now you’ve ruined it for anyone else. I dish it out into a small bowl or cup so the original container is uncontaminated. If the dc wants more, fine; if not, someone else can have the rest whenever.

Moms, please explain your tolerance for such waste. Are you so rich, or did they not teach about bal tashchis in your school?

amother

Poinsettia

Fri, Jan 07 2022, 3:11 pm

I don't give adult potions but I also can't give them tiny portions. My kids are one and done, if they finish what's on their plate they say they are full and won't let me refill. So for their health I need to risk throwing some out because sometimes they will eat the whole portion. Also I think the last line is incredibly rude and judgemental. There are other mitzvohs we need to keep too you know, like how to speak to and about people.

amother

DarkViolet

Fri, Jan 07 2022, 3:20 pm

This drives me crazy. We have very special next door neighbors who I adore and we eat one shabbos meal together almost every week. Their kids take giant portions and barely nibble. I was trying so hard to think of a way to stop this without offending the parents. One time I just told the mother the food is extra hot tonight, why don't you serve your kids? Sure enough, she gave her kids just as much - maybe more. Banging head

I'd rather throw the food out than offend my neighbors but GRRRRR!!!!!!!!

amother

Mulberry

Fri, Jan 07 2022, 3:40 pm

As a previous poster said, she doesn’t always let me refill. I also separate her food out ahead so it’s not hot- if she finishes it, the rest is too hot for her. Kids are also unpredictable. Most nights my kid can eat a whole chicken drumstick and maybe ask for more. But if she’s distracted by company at the table, I might be lucky to get 2 bites.
And yes, most of the time my toddler finishes her whole yogurt- unless you’re here distracting her

amother

Bergamot

Fri, Jan 07 2022, 4:19 pm

I think some of it is learned behavior.

Often people who experienced poverty at some point want to make sure their children are not deprived - even if this isn't conscious thinking.

My grandmother grew up in the Depression and my mother looks back at the portions that were considered "normal" for children to eat - because it made my grandmother so happy that she could fill the plates with healthy food - and healthy for her meant meat and chicken and fish - or eggs in the morning. Potatoes were acceptable as a side but certainly a main dish composed of grains wouldn't be what she thought the children should have.

Perhaps it is also a mindset in terms of plump children being healthy - again I find that to be common among people who grew up where food scarcity was a real issue and so plumpness was a sign of health.

Not saying that this is the reason but I think there are cultural factors at work. My experience is that a lot of immigrant cultures who escaped poverty "over serve" and that the food changes to reflect prosperity. For example, Italians also made their "native" dishes much more meat intensive when the came to the US and became prosperous.

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Jan 07 2022, 4:25 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How many kids do you have? It sounds like you have just one. Not every mother can hover over her kids and get up and refill everyone's plates 20 times. I don't give adult proteins. I do trybto give less than they would eat and refill once. But even then, I never get a chance to sit and eat my own food because everyone wants refills. Sometimes it's easier just to give one portion and be done.

Regardless of what they do, it's really not your business. Let people feed their kids as they please and don't judge. I'm sure they have their reasons.

amother

Fri, Jan 07 2022, 4:32 pm

The people I see doing this are young women who’re minimum second or third generation US born if not more, not Depression babies, children of Depression babies, or even gc of Depression babies. Not necessarily wealthy but for sure not from families that were food-insecure for the past two generations. And in fact from a society that for at least the past two and a half generations has been obsessed with thinness.

I wonder if the moms have “big eyes” because they’re always dieting and they get pleasure from shoveling out tons of food even though they’re not shoved it into their own mouths. Vicariously enjoying food by handling it, as it were.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Jan 07 2022, 5:17 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I have 5 kids and agree with OP. I have my kids start with smaller portions and refill as needed. Also just taught them to take 1 thing at a time at the Shabbos meal so if they are full after 2 dishes, there's no need to throw 2 others away because they were already on their plate. The youngers ask me before taking or ask us to dish out. Cuts out a lot of waste.

We have a young kid who visits regularly who PILES up their plate with adult-sized portions of everything and then only takes a taste of each. So lots of salads, dips, fish, chicken, etc. being thrown away. Could simply be avoided if a parent directs their kid to be more mindful or takes over the dishing themselves.

imaima

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 12:33 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why does it irk you so much?

Reality

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 12:54 pm

imaima wrote:

Why does it irk you so much?

I'm not the OP but in certain social settings it can be very annoying. I remember going to a shul event where a lot of people gave each of their many little kids a whole bagel. The kids took one bite and left it all over. There was not enough food for many of the paying adults to get anything.

People need to use their sechel. If you paid for yourself and brought four little kids with you that doesn't mean you can feed all your little kids full portions. If many people do this there isn't enough food to go around.

In my own home, if guests leave over on their plate it doesn't bother me. I have noticed on a rare occasion when someone has taken one of everything and practically eaten nothing. That I find rude but there's nothing to do about it.

FranticFrummie

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 1:29 pm

I'm with OP on this one. If you have picky kids, put things on their plate that you want them to try. Have them at least attempt to taste it, and only then give them the other stuff.

DD would have lived on white bread, potatoes, noodles, and rice if I let her. I'd give her a plate with a piece of salmon and some small broccoli florets. If she ate that, she could have all the starch she wanted. It became a habit, so she never fought me on it. She knew the routine.

I can tell you why food waste triggers me. I've been homeless. I've begged for spare change on street corners. I've had one bag of lentils and a sad looking carrot, and made it into "lentil soup" - and I had to live on that for a whole week until my next paycheck. I had to make the rounds of different food banks , and I had a weekly calendar of where food would be on any given day.

My mom is a daughter of Holocaust survivors. Her parents made her eat every single thing on her (adult portioned) plate, and would not let her leave the table until every crumb was gone. When my mom passed away, she weighed over 300 pounds.

When you've had moments in your life where you didn't even have a penny in your pocket, and you see other people toss $10 bills out the window and not even think twice, it is upsetting. I agree that it's none of my business, and that I should mind my own affairs - but it still hurts.

PTSD about poverty and hunger is a real thing. Even if I won the lottery tomorrow, I think I'd still strive for a frugal and balanced lifestyle.

Chickensoupprof

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 1:39 pm

I totally get you I’m also wondered by this. I don’t know what my parents did in this. I remember I had a childrens size plate! And kids cutlery! My mom grew up as second generation cuz my grandma was orphaned after the war etc nothing went to waste my mom has morbid obesity really she get fatshsmed by her mom now but what u expect if you have to eat everything

imaima

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 1:39 pm

Reality wrote:

Okay
At a communal meal or as a guest, I agree it ia annoying.

But that's not what OP os describing. Who serves yogurt in the original package at a communal event?
She is clearly describing what people do in their housew with their own food. Why do judgmental?

I feed my kid from an original package because I don't want to wash the extra cup

FranticFrummie

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 1:56 pm

imaima wrote:

I feed my kid from an original package because I don't want to wash the extra cup

If you know from past experience that your child will eat the whole tub of yogurt, then I don't see a problem with that.

I think it's important for kids to understand portions, and to be able to gauge their body's fullness cues. If you respect what their bodies are telling them, you can set them up for a lifetime of healthy eating habits.

I babysit a 19mo, and we always feed her in stages. She gets her regular plate of food, but we leave room for her to still be a little hungry - or not. Some days she's fine with one plate, some days she eats like a teenage boy!

Are you all done? Do you want more? What do you want? are all things that we say around meal time. I don't mind getting up and getting a second, or even a third portion of something. That's part of my job. We never insist that she eat anything. We can try to tempt her by pretending that we are going to eat all of her food, or give it to her big sister, but if that doesn't work, then she's done.

I think that if people paid more attention to their kids' eating habits, there would be a lot less food waste going on. It's really easy to just let them take whatever, and as much as they want. You need to be there for your kids to make sure that they are getting the nutrition they need, in the right amounts. (Says the mother who's DD would have eaten nothing but mashed potatoes if I'd let her!)

Reality

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 2:18 pm

imaima wrote:

This is true. I thought OP was talking about what other people do at her house, like guests or extended family members. There is nothing you can do about it.

I do think it's wasteful when I see Mom's buy their little kids huge expensive ice creams and they take 3 licks and chuck it. I'd never do that. But again there's nothing to say or do.