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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Kids have ADHD/ASD. Possible to have a clean house?
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torquoise




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 09 2022, 1:33 pm
Hugs to all those in the same boat. This thread really made me feel better, and I hope it does for you too.
One thing I keep in mind - they do grow up BEH, and hopefully leave to their own homes. That is my light at the end of the tunnel. Even the asd ones, I think their mess eventually morphs into their own room/clutter, hopefully not backpacks, coats and toys.
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torquoise




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 09 2022, 1:38 pm
Rubies wrote:
The answer is getting rid of stuff. Just getting rid of everything but the absolutely necessary. Think minimalist.
The child that loves stuff is also probably constantly coming up with new things to love. Keep one spot for that kid, when it overflows, child needs to sort and dispose.

Here's a question to ask yourself when facing extra toys, clothing, and stuff: is this worth the sanity of a mother to this family? Put your guilt and theoretical organized house aside.

Once you pare down all the things, there's more energy for streamlining and requiring things to be put away.
Too much stuff in a small house with adhd is a losing battle. The cycle feeds itself.


Thank you! I found this so empowering. I totally agree - getting rid of stuff needs to be a part of life. I have become notorious for throwing people's things out, but I see it needs to be done. Maybe if I do it on a regular basis, and the kids/dh get to keep what fits in their "area", so they feel they have more control, I won't have to deal with so much backlash.
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amother
Jade


 

Post Sun, Jan 09 2022, 1:47 pm
Every Motza shobbos be have a whole family quick cleanup. It's motivating because we all work at the same time, sometimes there is music, there is a timer.
Usually 10 minutes but 5 can work just as well. Everyone has a space they clean- living room, den, dining room table etc. When the timer starts we all clean and when it beeps we stop even if the job isn't done. It's amazing how much gets done in a few minutes. If you can do this every night, I think your house will be neat.
Inspect and praise their work very much. If a child has trouble cleaning, tell them to pick up an item, ask themselves where does it go, then put it away. It tell them a specific task such as "put all clothes in the hamper" when they are done you can instruct them further " all the shoes in the closet", "all the garbage in the bin" etc
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amother
Gold


 

Post Sun, Jan 09 2022, 5:33 pm
I didn't have a chance to read through all the responses, but I can't tell you how many times I have thought of starting a thread like this!!

Dh has adhd, and quite a few of the kids. I see so clearly how it is such a different reality than homes without adhd. I have had to tell myself so many times that it doesn't reflect on me as a homemaker. I am by nature very organized, but I have had to give up on most of that and lower my household expectations to the ground, because I prefer to have a happy home.

I plan to read through the responses later iyh.
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amother
Begonia


 

Post Sun, Jan 09 2022, 5:41 pm
amother [ Jade ] wrote:
Every Motza shobbos be have a whole family quick cleanup. It's motivating because we all work at the same time, sometimes there is music, there is a timer.
Usually 10 minutes but 5 can work just as well. Everyone has a space they clean- living room, den, dining room table etc. When the timer starts we all clean and when it beeps we stop even if the job isn't done. It's amazing how much gets done in a few minutes. If you can do this every night, I think your house will be neat.
Inspect and praise their work very much. If a child has trouble cleaning, tell them to pick up an item, ask themselves where does it go, then put it away. It tell them a specific task such as "put all clothes in the hamper" when they are done you can instruct them further " all the shoes in the closet", "all the garbage in the bin" etc


and while you are cleaning/organizing get rid of everything that's broken/missing pieces/shmuntzy/never used etc.

your life will be so much better.
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amother
Cinnamon


 

Post Sun, Jan 09 2022, 9:54 pm
I am the only neurotypical in my family. Husband has ADHD. Kids have it too. I am not the neatest to begin with but I am lightyears ahead of some of my family.
Here is what I do-
1. Containers with labels and pictures.
2. Secretly toss broken stuff. They have so much they dont miss it.
3. Hide toys/stuff and if they dont ask for it after a week I will toss/give away.
4. I will direct clean up. What to start with. What to do exactly- kid A- all legos are to go in the lego bin. Kid B take all dirty clothes to hamper. Etc.
5. I also explained some basic cleaning principles. Like toss absolute garbage first- makes the place look cleaner, shows progress and is super easy. I also walk them through what makes something trash. Is it broken? Ripped? Obviously garbage like a plastic spoon?
6.Praise and give rewards when complete.
7. And give up and know I do my best.
8. Reward myself for not getting too frustrated (not always earned... Hiding)

You are not alone. And I wish people didnt look at me strangely and judge when they see my small apartment. I also work full time so cant do a lot when they are at school, which was another possible solution...
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