I'm too tired to deal with this but I must- please help

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 2:03 pm

My 6 yr old daughter wakes up in middle of the night and comes to my room. She had been doing this on and off for a few years. I feel like I've tried everything. It stopped and recently it's started back again. I'm too tired to deal with her. She doesn't talk or communicate just bangs the door and fiddles with the doorknob. If I get up and try to take her back to her room (her room is upstairs, we're on the main floor and the kids are upstairs). She physically resists and sometimes has complete meltdowns. I'm too tired to lift her and even when I did that she runs downstairs. It's like shes in a panic. The problem is that my sleep is interrupted. I'm exhausted. It affects my intimate life with my husband and I just recently convinced my husband to sleep in my bed with me, but if my daughter comes into my bed, he gets kicked out. (We're chassidish, she's not sleeping with us). She won't sleep anywhere except in my bed. Sometimes I'm so tired I just open the door and let her crawl in beside me because it's the easiest and quickest.
I'm not sure if this part matters but she has ADHD and is probably on the ASD spectrum, we are months away from our Neuropsych eval appointment.
I need sleep. I need my husband. I need my space.
Help.

amother

Denim

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 2:08 pm

My kid is a bit younger , but we got her an ok to wake clock.
She gets 1 treat if she stays in her room till it turns green (we include coming to us and letting us take her right back to bed as in her room)
And 2 treats if she didn't need us to sit with her in the middle of the night when she wakes up.

Took about 3 weeks but she's mostly sleep trained. About 1-2 times a week she asks me to come tuck her back in, maybe sit 2 min, and then I go back to bed. Most nights she now sleeps through.she used to wake up every night for an hour

amother

PlumPink

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 2:11 pm

Have your husband carry her back to bed

amother

Aqua

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 2:19 pm

If she was neurotypical I would say what if you slept on a mattress for a few nights next to her bed and hope she stops waking up at all.

But with the adhd and asd type symptoms, that makes me suspect brain inflammation and that makes things a lot more complicated. You’re going to need to calm her nervous system down, it’s in high arousal. Behavioral techniques won’t help before that.

amother

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 2:21 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

We did this a few months ago. It worked for a little bit but it no longer works at all.

amother

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 2:24 pm

amother [ PlumPink ] wrote:

Have your husband carry her back to bed

It doesn't help. She runs back down to the room. And she screams that she wants me. Wakes up the baby. She doesn't stay in her room.

I sit with her and soothe her to sleep at night. She gets a ton of sensory input during the day and before bed.

I'm at my wits end.

behappy2

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 2:26 pm

Can you leave the door unlocked and put down a comfy blanket for her to lie down on the floor near your bed? You can prepare it at night with her with a pillow and blanket. You get your sleep and everyone is happy and eventually she will outgrow it.

amother

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 3:44 pm

behappy2 wrote:

She climbs into my bed. I've tried a mattress by her bed and a mattress by my bed. She cuddles into me.

Rubies

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 3:49 pm

Are you absolutely positive that there isn't something she's scared or worried about underlying all this?

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 3:51 pm

I think 6 is too young for a kid to sleep on a different floor than the parents. She might be scared. Especially of your door is closed. I don't think it's safe.

amother

Amaranthus

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 3:53 pm

Are there other kids sleeping upstairs with her?

Sewsew_mom

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 3:53 pm

I tell my kids don't come to my room. And if you do this is your spot on the floor. My bed isn't available. If you come into my bed I will move you back to yours. If you want to stay I need to not see you.
That works for me. Not sure it'll work for you just giving you an idea what worked for me and my kids. I cannot have them in my bed.

amother

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 4:51 pm

Sewsew_mom wrote:

It worked for my other kids just not her, and I cannot lift her back up to her bed a bunch of times while she's kicking and screaming.

She shares a room with her sister and we are not far away.

When I ask her if she had a bad dream or if she's scared I get nothing. Just crying and screaming as if in a panic. I ask her about it in the morning and she says I just want to sleep with you.

amother

Emerald

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 5:06 pm

Could it be pinworms?

doodlesmom

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 5:08 pm

Maybe a weighted blanket would keep her asleep?

amother

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 5:09 pm

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Could it be pinworms?

Ooooh maybe. But she falls back asleep right afterwards. Could it still be it?

amother

Glitter

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 5:10 pm

Does she have a night light in her room? Get her something big to cuddle with in her bed. Prep her at bedtime that she needs to stay in bed and if she comes out you are going to take her back. Just keep taking her back and sitting there. It will be rough and take some time but after a while if she never gets to sleep in your bed she'll stop coming out. It will be worth it in the long run.

amother

Wandflower

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 5:10 pm

I find that as soon as I sit the child down on the toilet (they resist and say they don't need it), they use the bathroom and suddenly they calm down. It's like they need the bathroom in middle of the night but refuse to admit it. Just speak soothingly and carry her, get her undressed, and sit her down on toilet. When she stream starts, see if she calms down. Then wash her hands, walk her to bed, and gently tuck her in with a big kiss.

Rubies

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 6:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If she's crying and screaming and panicking it sounds more like she has something she's scared of and maybe dreaming about. She may not be fully conscious of it though.

amother

Indigo

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 6:26 pm

amother [ Wandflower ] wrote:

This worked for me too. My son used to wake up for years screaming in middle of the night. I took sometime to figure out and many reminders that he just need the toilet literally 99% of the time.

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