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Forum -> Parenting our children
"Look, look"



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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 2:36 pm
My 4 year old daughter always says "look, look" while I'm busy and absolutely can't look. I feel like I'm constantly saying "I'm not available to look right now." It's always when I'm making the baby a bottle, draining the pasta, etc. I don't know why this triggers me so much but I feel like screaming when this happens.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 3:34 pm
Bump
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Motherhood




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 3:39 pm
Had this exact same thing with my then-six year old and it was driving me crazy. Someone told me to say “mommy is not always available to look, but I can listen and understand what you’re saying.” It helped to a certain degree
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SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 3:41 pm
So say “amazing,wow! So cool!!” without looking up…
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 4:19 pm
I feel bad when it happens. Because it always happens.
It's not his fault that I'm always busy.
I try to look for a split second as soon as I could pause.
He deserves his mommy's adoration.
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mushkamothers




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 4:22 pm
It sounds like she's trying to get your attention specifically when you're not able to give it. Could you give more undivided attention/ quality time in general so her bucket is full?
In the moment a good response is "I'd love to see, I'm always interested in what you have to share and I'll look when my eyes/hands aren't busy" so at least you have that connection piece
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dena613




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 5:03 pm
All of th above, plus, give your child a set time when you can look.
Like, I can look for the first 15 min when you come home from school, and for 10 min before bed.
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amother
Azalea


 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 5:07 pm
I just say wow and amazing without looking up
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 5:28 pm
mushkamothers wrote:
It sounds like she's trying to get your attention specifically when you're not able to give it. Could you give more undivided attention/ quality time in general so her bucket is full?
In the moment a good response is "I'd love to see, I'm always interested in what you have to share and I'll look when my eyes/hands aren't busy" so at least you have that connection piece


This is great, thank you.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 5:33 pm
amother [ Azalea ] wrote:
I just say wow and amazing without looking up


My mother did this when I was a kid and it totally gave me the message "I really do not care about what you are showing me." And I stopped bothering to show or share.

It is way better in my opinion, to say I need to look at what I am doing. Give me a few minutes and then I will look.
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amother
Azalea


 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 5:38 pm
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
My mother did this when I was a kid and it totally gave me the message "I really do not care about what you are showing me." And I stopped bothering to show or share.

It is way better in my opinion, to say I need to look at what I am doing. Give me a few minutes and then I will look.


Well I'm not your mother. I do look all the time and give them undivided attention. But when I cannot look up I say wow and it works for my kids.
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amother
NeonPink


 

Post Tue, Jan 11 2022, 6:41 pm
Can you make sure to give her specific *moments* of completely uninterrupted attention, even for a very short while? For example, even just 10-15 completely dedicated minutes for every 1 hour?
And during those 10-15 minutes you focus 1000% of your energy and attention on her? It may not help initially but eventually her brain will begin to accept and be assured that she is going to get her special time.
And apart from those times, you can be confident about multi tasking without the guilt.
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salt




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 12 2022, 2:42 am
I usually ask if it's something urgent, or if it will still be there in a few minutes once I'm finished with this. Or, can you bring it to me?

If it's a bird on a branch outside the window, you may have to look immediately, or otherwise miss it and apologize that you were busy with something else at that second.
If it's a drawing, she can bring it to you.
If it's to show you how she is sweeping the floor in the other room, you can come when you're done.

To say wow without looking up is a little insulting, unless it's a really young child who doesn't really notice that you are not actually looking.
And when you do look, say more than 'wow'. Give details as to what she did well, what you like about what she did, how she's improved, etc.
"wow, I love how you made the colors match in that drawing"
"you've really got better at sweeping the floor. You even got into all the corners"
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English3




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 12 2022, 5:46 am
What is wrong with saying,one minute sweetheart.its not possible that you don't have a second to look at the child. Give a glimpse and continue talking while doing your stuff.
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lamplighter




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 12 2022, 6:23 am
I say I can't look now but would you like a hug? I can look in x minutes or after x.
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amother
DarkPurple


 

Post Wed, Jan 12 2022, 7:30 am
I say "I'd love to see, but can't right this second. Give me a minute or 2 (or 10 however long you need) and I'll come see."
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amother
Green


 

Post Wed, Jan 12 2022, 9:24 am
amother [ Azalea ] wrote:
Well I'm not your mother. I do look all the time and give them undivided attention. But when I cannot look up I say wow and it works for my kids.


I'm kinda hard-of-hearing sometimes and I do this with my kids. I cannot always hear what they are saying especially when I am concentrating on something else. Instead of making them repeat themselves, which makes them frustrated, I respond with " oh, yeah" and "wow" when it appears to be the reaction they are looking for.
I find that if it is something they need a different answer for, they'll come closer and wait for me to give them undivided attention.
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amother
NeonPurple


 

Post Wed, Jan 12 2022, 9:28 am
Why can’t you glance over while making pasta or a bottle?
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