Splitting myself in half-toddler and baby

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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amother

Glitter

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 2:41 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

This reminded me that my toddler calls the baby “our baby”. It’s adorable. Her older brother did the same thing with her. I love how they feel that way.

My 2 year old calls the baby her baby, forget our.

Anyway, OP, I may be wrong, but from your post it sounds like you are more concerned about giving your toddler time at the expense of your baby. I don't have a problem with cry it out, but I do it when it's good for me and the baby, not my toddler. Its ok if your toddler tantrums a little bit too.

imasinger

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 3:02 am

What we're missing here is context.

It's one thing to let a 5 month old who's overtired and not responding to usual sleep cues CIO for 15 minutes once in a while.

It's another to put Baby in a bassinet in another room and ignore the shrieks so as to play an hour long, uninterrupted game of Candyland with Preschooler.

OP, can you give us a bit more detail?

Last edited by imasinger on Wed, Jan 12 2022, 3:25 am; edited 1 time in total

imaima

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 3:07 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I have an almost three year old and a new baby...well I guess she's almost 5 months already!

With my older daughter I literally didn't let her cry at all. I read books and articles about why crying it out is wrong and I very strongly believed it. If she cried I would pick her up immediately. Or even if she made a little peep. I used to rock her to sleep for HOURS. I rocked her to sleep for her nap while I was nine months pregnant. I nursed her for a long time, and eventually weaned her when I got pregnant.

When I was pregnant, I was like, how on earth am I going to have another child?? I'm idealistic in certain ways like no cry, and nurse as long as you want, but also I don't have the emotional stamina to do this again. I really don't know how I did it the first time but I felt that it was the right thing to do.

Well, here I am bH, home with two wonderful children. Not letting my baby cry is out the window because how on earth can I manage both of them without cutting myself in half? I need my baby to sleep in her bassinet so me and my toddler can have some uninterrupted time. Right now I'm doing some inconsistent situation where I leave my baby to cry while watching the monitor and going crazy while my toddler absorbs my waves of anxiety. Then I pick her up when I feel like it's been too long.

P.S. I'm not here to debate cry it out. I'm just a mama who needs help Sad

Letting the baby cry and letting the baby cry it out are two different things.

You can let the babycry for 5 minutes while you give snack to toddler or use the bathroom.
It won't damage her like CIO.

You can find the solution for this.
My kods used to nap in the buggy because it worked for both of them without having anyone cry.

Also, use a baby carrier.

amother

Holly

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 3:12 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

It is impossible to uphold the standards set forth in the OP with more than one child. Logistically, staying within the physical laws of nature and the time continuum, impossible.

It works for me now with a huge gap before the baby. As in, teens, pre-teens and baby.

Baby and toddler: forget it. Use all the "crutches" available to get you through this time.

amother

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 7:08 am

I don't have much time, but I quickly skimmed through the posts and I started tearing up at all the support. I love being a SAHM but it's lonely. And I beat myself up a lot about not doing things "right." Thank you everyone and iy"H I will read through everything tonight and respond.

amother

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 5:14 pm

Thank you to everyone for your kind responses! I felt warm and fuzzy when I read all the validation and support from everyone. In real life, people just think I'm crazy for not wanting to let my baby cry and for stressing about it.

It's really me that's struggling to juggle. Today was such a hard day. I tried to keep an eye on my baby's sleep cues and the clock but I just can't seem to ever get it right!

I used the baby carrier twice today but it's so tiring.

I think instead of saying I need uninterrupted toddler time, I really should have said, I need some structure to my day. I had zero structure with my first and it was stressful but I didn't know how to implement structure since I couldn't 'make her' sleep. And I think I have weak executive functioning in certain areas. Now with two, I'm drowning. Today started off OK with nap #1, but then the rest of the day fell apart...

I tried to put her in for her second nap when she yawned twice, but that failed. I took her out after she cried for ten minutes. I'm so strung out I don't know the difference between crying and kvetching anymore. I tried again to put her in when her "wake window" was up, but that failed too. Finally I put her in the carrier and she fell asleep for twenty minutes. After that, there was no hope for knowing when she was tired or not! The day was a mess and my toddler kept asking me to hold her. I feel so bad for my toddler. We've been so cooped up and she's been dealing with crazy mommy.

amother

Strawberry

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 5:28 pm

Can you take them both out for a walk to a park? Baby will fall asleep on the way and you’ll have some time together at the playground playing together. The fresh air will be good for all you. You should implement it to your day

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