Vacation with an acquaintance

amother

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:41 am

I'm going on vacation with my husband and baby. We mentioned it to an acquaintance (we're kind of friends, mostly because our kids are) and they decided they'll be going to the same place on the same dates. I am happy for the company for my son, but is there a polite way to say that I'd rather stay in separate hotels and do my own thing most of the time? We're not close enough for me to feel comfortable going out to eat and going to the pool together.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:48 am

I don't think you can say anything. You don't own the hotel...... You can do your own thing but you can't tell them to stay at a different hotel. You can stay at a different hotel if you want to.

amother

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 12:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Really?! There's no polite way to say that we'd prefer to do our own thing on vacation? Flights and everything... I didn't sign up to spend my entire vacation with people other than my family. I can't change all my flights and hotel and itinerary at this point.

amother

Kiwi

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 12:07 pm

It seems very strange and socially off. I would just tell her that you're going for a family vacation and you're not planning on spending time with anyone else other than your immediate family. I would also be quite upset to find out that someone had booked the exact same vacation as I did without even asking me first.

amother

Honeysuckle

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 12:07 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Just say your DH and you are going for alone time so you don’t think you will be available to socialise. Nothing impolite about that.

amother

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 12:14 pm

tichellady wrote:

Did they say they want to spend time with you? I’m confused how this all unfolded

When we told them we were going, they got all excited and said "we should go too! It's such a great idea!" Of course we said "yes you should" because what else should we have said, and also we didn't think it would actually materialize. Now that they decided to actually go, they are asking us for hotel and flight information. I'm aware that I don't own the city so I'm okay with them going to the same place as us and meeting up for a day trip, but I really don't want to fly together and stay together.

amother

Brown

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 12:20 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Maybe they just feel you had a good ideas assumed that you found good deals and are hoping to utilize that information. Nothing wrong with that. Or maybe they want to make sure that they DON’T stay in the same hotel.

amother

Bronze

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 12:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We actually like to do our own thing but we are staying in x area (surf side/ Sedona or whatever general area) and would love to meet up one It's

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 12:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

They do seem a bit socially clueless. I've learnt already to not tell anyone our vacation details till we get back. You can tell her that you're planning to spend your entire time with your husband/family.

lamplighter

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 12:22 pm

This is really strange. I would upfront. When they ask for info ask them why they need it.
And based on what they say you can respond.

amother

Poppy

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 12:25 pm

"It's such a nice surprise that we'll be in the same place at the same time. Our plans are mostly set, but we'll be free on Thursday afternoon if you would like to do something together."

mommylev

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 10:11 pm

Just to add my two cents, I'm can totally relate to your acquaintance. I'd love to go on trips, but hate logistics and planning. So if I can find someone that already did the research, what could be wrong with "piggybacking" on their plans? OF COURSE, we'll each do our own thing at the hotel or wherever. I wouldn't expect to do the activities WITH you, and all socially aware people know that. It's not about tagging along, it's just helpful for me- and others like me- to get ideas.

amother

Candycane

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 10:25 pm

Umm no, you absolutely should not give them the details. Brush them off however you can. You may need to be a bit rude. Socially savvy people don’t do what they did.

amother

Candycane

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 10:27 pm

mommylev wrote:

You shouldn’t be asking someone for their vacation details and going at the same time to the same place. That’s not fair to them.

agreer

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 10:35 pm

Honestly, I think for clueless people, you need to be straightforward or they WILL NOT GET IT.

Avoid telling them flight/hotel details. If they ask again, say you just had to change them and you aren't sure.

If they ask a third time and they still don't get it, tell them, "I'd rather not give too many details because DH and I are going away for alone time." There's nothing wrong with saying that; you are being assertive, not rude.

And if you really don't want to be so straightforward... find a similar flight/hotel that isn't yours, give them that info, and when questioned later say you changed last-minute.