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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jan 13 2022, 8:23 pm
Hello ladies
My husband and I are struggling w a decision for our son. He is still very younge, but we are trying our best to do the right thing at an early age. All else being equal do you chose a school that presents with more social or academic development for the child. This particular child LOVES to learn and thrives on learning new things- with average behavior in a social setting. If given a choice he would chose to learn a new topic vs going to play. We don't want to hold him back on academics, but at the same time don't want him to miss out on learning social skills.

Would love to hear your thoughts!
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amother




Lightcyan
 

Post Thu, Jan 13 2022, 8:27 pm
Social. I put my very smart kids in a very academic school and they were miserable. They needed the warmth and social experience of their new school. Even though the academics are just average now they are thriving in every single area and they are much happier.
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Rubies




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jan 13 2022, 8:31 pm
Another vote for social and supplement academic at home if necessary.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jan 13 2022, 8:34 pm
amother [ Lightcyan ] wrote:
Social. I put my very smart kids in a very academic school and they were miserable. They needed the warmth and social experience of their new school. Even though the academics are just average now they are thriving in every single area and they are much happier.


I worry that my child will start to develop behavioral problems due to lack of stimulation and boredom. Did they initially experience any of this?
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amother




White
 

Post Thu, Jan 13 2022, 8:49 pm
Most schools are on an average curriculum. I'm assuming you will not look into a school that's below average in academics. I would focus on a school thats meets ulyoir family standards and has a warm environment and a fun way of teaching so he continues to love learning as he gets older and not turned off by it. He will thrive in a happy wholesome environment. So my answer is social. Do not worry about him being bored. If he is in a good school with a solid staff team, they will work with him. I have a child thats a little above average and finishes his tests and worksheets before most of the boys even started. The teacher has a stash of higher level math sheets or whatever it is for him to do untill the rest of class is done . There's nothing wrong with a child being on top of the class. It will not make him socially interesting or give him behavioral problems. Good luck
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amother




Lightcyan
 

Post Thu, Jan 13 2022, 8:54 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I worry that my child will start to develop behavioral problems due to lack of stimulation and boredom. Did they initially experience any of this?


At times they are ahead of the class and lack stimulation, but overall it's not an issue. They are young and still have so much to learn so there is a lot of new information they are exposed to even by being in an average school. And the teachers give them extra sheets or reading time if they finish work early. In their old school they never lacked stimulation but lacked everything else that is important to childhood growth.
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Mom/Bubby/Morah




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jan 13 2022, 9:24 pm
Go for a school with solid academics but more of an emphasis on the social and midos aspects of chinuch. Nowadays it is so easy to supplement a child’s academics but so much more difficult to supplement and nurture his social skills without reinforcement from the school. If you see that he is eating up his class work and finishing before the other children you might want to approach his teachers and offer to help them find resources a.k.a. busywork for him to do in school. Again this is not difficult to do in today’s day and age of Google, teachers pay teachers, chinuch.org and all so many other sources available for you to find him extra work.
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cupcake123




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jan 13 2022, 9:26 pm
Social 💯
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amother




Brown
 

Post Thu, Jan 13 2022, 9:40 pm
I guess I am the voice of dissent as I am intellectually gifted and was completely bored in elementary school where I was went what were actually bright average kids - school did tracking based on performance.

I wasn't a rebellious kid but it was a pretty miserable experience for me.

In seventh grade I went to a school with girls that were as bright as I was and it was a wonderful experience - including socially. There wasn't any social awkwardness in terms of cliques or whatever because everyone had their own circle of friends that were weird in their own way. LOL so there was no particular "in" crowd.

Going to school in elementary school with kids who weren't as bright as me didn't help me socially at all.
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amother




Offwhite
 

Post Thu, Jan 13 2022, 9:47 pm
I was a gifted kid and school was torturous for me because I was so bored. No amount of socialization made up for it because I didn’t have any interest in socializing. I was desperate for intellectual stimulation and it was nowhere to be found.

I think the question is more complex than just academics vs socializing though. Is the academic school really challenging the kids or is it just offering busywork?
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amother




Molasses
 

Post Thu, Jan 13 2022, 10:04 pm
I would send him to the more academic setting.
If he is a more academic child, why not send him somewhere that he will excel and succeed? He may not have the best social skills , therefore, he probably won’t appreciate or excel being in a setting that is primarily socially focused.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jan 14 2022, 7:43 am
amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:
I was a gifted kid and school was torturous for me because I was so bored. No amount of socialization made up for it because I didn’t have any interest in socializing. I was desperate for intellectual stimulation and it was nowhere to be found.

I think the question is more complex than just academics vs socializing though. Is the academic school really challenging the kids or is it just offering busywork?


This has really got me thinking
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amother




NeonBlue
 

Post Fri, Jan 14 2022, 9:26 am
I have been in chinuch for a few decades and I find it interesting that everyone here assumes that if the school is at a somewhat higher academic level then it is automatically lacking in warmth and social sense. I don't believe that to be true. It depends on the individual school and environment.

A few other points:

Be cautious regarding assuming a very young child is gifted or on a high academic level before he even begins school. Of course, you have to be mechanech your child al pi darko. However, a child who presents as very bright and may learn to read early or whatever, may not continue exactly in that way. Many balance out with peers within a few years. Some don't approach learning the same way once it becomes a little challenging. Others may like to learn but are not so skilled with essential critical thinking skills, etc...

I also believe that it is much easier to supplement or address academic needs at home or in school, than it is to do so with social skills.

Just some food for thought...
Much hatzlacha
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amother




Brown
 

Post Fri, Jan 14 2022, 9:40 am
My mother was a teacher and so I got lots of intellectual stimulation at home. We also did a lot of intellectually stimulating activities such as taking me to cultural events and museums although I was also allowed to be just a kid.

At least in my case, having a home environment that valued academics did not compensate for my feeling bored and completely unstimulated for the six hours I was in the classroom. It is not a question of compensating for not learning in school - it is a question of being in an environment in which one is bored. It wasn't that I came out of sixth grade being less educated but that I felt like I had escaped when I was in a school surrounded by peers who were as gifted as I was and where teachers didn't have to teach to the "masses".

Being markedly more intelligent than other kids in the classroom often leads to one feeling alienated socially and for the other more typical kids to tease or bully.

I think the stereotype of smart people being socially inadequate is a stupid stereotype and is used perhaps to make others feel superior in some way just as there is a myth of rich people being miserable because they are rich. If anything my intelligence has also given me emotional intelligence based in part because I read widely including nonfiction which provides information as well as good fiction which provides insight into the human condition.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Jan 14 2022, 11:39 am
[quote="amother [ NeonBlue]

A few other points:

Be cautious regarding assuming a very young child is gifted or on a high academic level before he even begins school. Of course, you have to be mechanech your child al pi darko. However, a child who presents as very bright and may learn to read early or whatever, may not continue exactly in that way. Many balance out with peers within a few years. Some don't approach learning the same way once it becomes a little challenging. Others may like to learn but are not so skilled with essential critical thinking skills, etc...

[/quote]

I find this to be very valid. I don't think my child is gifted. I truly think the reason he comes off that way, is mostly due to early exposure and curiousity. And yes, I absolutely think once the other kids are given that exposure, he will be someone who is top of his class let's say, but not someone who would need to be pushed ahead. But just for right now- I'm having such a hard time "placing" him.
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smss




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jan 14 2022, 11:46 am
How old is he? Are we talking preschool age? And you're wondering whether to send to a school that does more academic learning or more play?
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