Going crazy from kids not hearing me

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Sat, Jan 15 2022, 10:16 pm

DDs are with earphones all day. Listening to music. I have no option of calling them from far or even talking to them from up close! They are practically deaf. Super duper annoying! Anyone relate?

amother

Cornsilk

Sat, Jan 15 2022, 10:19 pm

My 12 year old is like that. From the minute she gets home from school. She goes into her room and closes the door and puts the stupid things on. And then she yells at anyone who opens her door to get her attention…..

amother

Sat, Jan 15 2022, 10:21 pm

amother [ Cornsilk ] wrote:

At least you know to find her in her room. I can yell her name all day and no answer because she doesn’t hear. Banging head

And I need to do a house search every time. Really annoys me. But I don’t think I can take it away from her. It’s technically harmless, just annoying for me.

Geulanow

Sat, Jan 15 2022, 11:21 pm

Earphones can lead to problems with hearing. Get rid of them.

amother

Canary

Sat, Jan 15 2022, 11:22 pm

Yup....so annoying....

We use the zello app now. Although I still have one who is so spacey that even without the headphones on shabbos she needs someone to knock on her door and personally invite her down for everything.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 1:09 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

At least you know to find her in her room. I can yell her name all day and no answer because she doesn’t hear. Banging head

And I need to do a house search every time. Really annoys me. But I don’t think I can take it away from her. It’s technically harmless, just annoying for me.

harmless? Think about the hearing issues it can cause

amother

Dandelion

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 5:56 am

You're the parent
Take it away.

amother

Emerald

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 5:59 am

I feel you, yet taking the headphones away seems a bit harsh...
Maybe it's her only way of finding the privacy she needs... so maybe you should have a conversation about that...

And also: call her often for things that benefit her.
So she will see that she misses out when she does not hear.

amother

Azalea

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 6:06 am

As annoying as this is, they're not doing it to annoy you. They're trying to get privacy. Text them when you need them, and try to explain that when they have the door closed, it's better for their hearing not to have headphones in.

Remember when they were toddlers and they needed to talk to you ALL THE TIME? They go through phases.

amother

Olive

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 6:28 am

I would not invite people I would not chase after them.
Supper? I would let everyone know it is at whatever time you schedule. Then I would clean up and if people can't be bothered to come/listen/engage then its on them.
I would institute some system that works for me, like post its on their doors.
They have the responsibility to check.
If it is something that benefits them I really would not chase after them.
If it is something that they must pay attention to or it falls on me like a dr. appointment I would inform them once in a way that is respectful of me as well and if I am ignored (!) then I would put in a consequence in advance and enforce it.
They want to tune out and into their world...they can but only at certain times and in certain ways unless they want the natural consequences of that. I would not do things for people even my kids were I feeling like this and treated like this. I am not the hired staff, maid, chauffeur, bill payer etc etc etc
If it got really insane then yes I would stop paying cell and device bills. They want it they can earn it.

Yes I have raised numerous teens, now all healthy happy functional adults B"H. This is chinuch while they may be oblivious they can learn the consequences of their choices upon others and how to treat parents with a modicum of decency and respect.

If the earphones themselves become too much of a problem I would tell them they have to be aware of whats going on around them and can listen to music without earphones. They can learn what is rude and what is acceptable. If they want the privilege of using earphones then when they see me they can pop one out and acknowledge with a smile.

This pervasive problem demands a paradigm shift.

hugs and hatzlocha

dankbar

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 6:37 am

One ear has to be free to hear

amother

Eggshell

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 6:39 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

DDs are with earphones all day. Listening to music. I have no option of calling them from far or even talking to them from up close! They are practically deaf. Super duper annoying! Anyone relate?

Yes definitely.
I forbid my kids to use earphones at home. I am ready to take them away. Hate this. I hate even more when they have them on outside. They might not here a car coming up close, it's dangerous...

amother

Eggshell

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 6:43 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

Or better: don't call her for things that benefit her.
Then she will keep in mind to be aware that fun things may be happening in her absense.

I don't follow up with this because it doesn't disturb me that often.

amother

Eggshell

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 6:53 am

amother [ Azalea ] wrote:

My kids with earphones each have their own bedroom. I had to sacrifice other important things to make it work...

amother

Olive

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 7:14 am

Op it is not that they are not hearing you.
It is more like they are not listening to you.
you are the only one as the parent with the power to make some changes here b'erzas Hashem.
May take some time.
These things can be insidious and suddenly you find yourself in such a situation.
Changes for the good may take some time as well.
What happens on shabbos?
hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Babypink

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 9:08 am

amother [ Canary ] wrote:

Yes Zello!! I was just about to post that!!
It lets me talk directly into their earbuds. It’s amazing!! Highly recommend for all parents of earbuded teens.

amother

Strawberry

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 9:13 am

My daughter is deaf. I get a lot of exercise trying to find her when her devices are off. Even when they are on, I sometime have to physically touch her shoulder to get her attention.
Maybe you can try that.

amother

Eggshell

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 9:15 am

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

Yes Zello!! I was just about to post that!!
It lets me talk directly into their earbuds. It’s amazing!! Highly recommend for all parents of earbuded teens.

Thank you will try that.

amother

Lightcoral

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 9:16 am

I call or text them. Then I don't have to yell.

If they ignore my text (I usually text them, not call), well, their loss. I called them for dinner, etc.