S/O 12 yo not showering

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Forum -> Children's Health

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amother

Sat, Jan 15 2022, 10:40 pm

I have a slightly different situation, but also similar to the other thread posted in the hygiene forum.
My 12 yo D's only showers once a week, for Shabbos. This has been going on for a number of years, honestly. In the beginning we tried many different approaches, but finally decided it wasn't worth the negativity and dropped it. Hoping that he'd realize on his own that he really should shower more often.
Fast forward to now. He is almost bar mitzvah. He has to be pushed and reminded to shower even on erev Shabbos, but he does go- albeit very late which makes my husband later too... Only one shower, and my husband works...
We just had a conversation with him. He wasn't sure at first WHY he doesn't like to shower, but finally he verbalized it. He says he barely has enough time to relax and he doesn't want to waste it on a shower. Because he has a super hard time taking quick showers. He is usually in the bathroom for close to an HOUR, between using the toilet and washing/drying up and dressing. So, why does it take him so long? Because he is very very distractible! By nothing of major consequence. It could just be his own imagination. These are his words, btw... He says it won't matter if he knows he stinks, he doesn't care. Plus, his head itches all the time. It used to work to tell him a shower would help, but he says it doesn't and itches right afterwards anyway. This is for years already.
Any genius ideas to help us out here please?

amother

Tanzanite

Sat, Jan 15 2022, 10:46 pm

Sounds like severe ADHD.

amother

Sat, Jan 15 2022, 10:50 pm

amother [ Tanzanite ] wrote:

Sounds like severe ADHD.

Not sure... He does very well in school, top top Talmid and student in English.
But honestly, I don't know much about that condition.

Geulanow

Sat, Jan 15 2022, 11:18 pm

See if has other problems with going to the bathroom, like constipation.
Tell him to time himself and maybe wear a robe and dress in his room.

amother

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 7:43 am

Geulanow wrote:

See if has other problems with going to the bathroom, like constipation.
Tell him to time himself and maybe wear a robe and dress in his room.

Thanks. He doesn't seem to have bathroom problems. The getting dressed is the fastest part of the equation right now. There are times he does get dressed in his room, he doesn't mind that.
The shower itself is often running for more than a half hour. Now it could be he takes such long showers because he only does it once a week and needs to scrub a lot. But I doubt it ;-).

amother

Denim

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 7:46 am

Is he a music kid? Create a playlist of short songs or even a sound track of you talking to help him time his showers. Song 1- get wet. Song 2- wash your hair. Song 3- wash your body. Song 4- rinse. Song 5- dry and dress

amother

Gray

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 11:56 am

The itchy hair will be helped by showering more often. One shower isn’t enough to fix that.

naomi2

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 12:42 pm

Regarding the itchy head, unless he has a skin condition, he may not be washing his hair efficiently. Show him how to scrub his scalp with his fingertips hard in circular motions. He should make sure all the soap is out by pulling some hair and feeling resistance as opposed to slippery.

amother

Hosta

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 12:45 pm

amother [ Tanzanite ] wrote:

Sounds like severe ADHD.

ADD, very unlikely ADHD.
Let him time himself. The next week let him see if he could beat his time. Slowly he will learn to cut down on minutes.
Also make sure he has everything he needs before he goes in to shower.

amother

Mintcream

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 12:51 pm

My niece with adhd hates showering and her mom realized it’s because she gets distracted and forgets what she did already and keeps repeating.
They came up with a plan of putting everything on one shelf and replacing on a diff shelf when done using it so she knows what’s done already.

Maybe you need to come up with a plan…find out what takes so long and help him. Maybe only wash his hair one day and only his body the next?and that’ll give him 2 showers a week.

amother

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 11:31 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

He is, but I doubt he'd go for this. But I'll suggest it, thanks!

amother

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 11:32 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

The itchy hair will be helped by showering more often. One shower isn’t enough to fix that.

Yup, I know...

amother

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 11:33 pm

naomi2 wrote:

I've definitely demonstrated when he was younger, but it's been a few years! I'll ask him how he does it. Thanks!

amother

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 11:35 pm

amother [ Hosta ] wrote:

He does well with timing usually. He times himself to get ready for bed, it is usually successful BH. We can try this, thanks!
I can't make sure he has what he needs, I'm usually busy with other kids/house stuff, but he's pretty ok having his clothes prepared BH.

amother

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 11:37 pm

amother [ Mintcream ] wrote:

I like this idea, but not sure he will! I'll suggest it, thanks!

He doesn't forget in the shower, I don't think. But more likely daydreams and enjoys the hot water too long.

amother

Hosta

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 11:40 pm

Let him try a dandruff shampoo to help with itchy scalp

amother

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 11:42 pm

amother [ Hosta ] wrote:

Let him try a dandruff shampoo to help with itchy scalp

He uses that already, thanks! But I bet if he uses it more than once a week it may help ;-)

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