Therapist for teen girl / what is this?!?

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> New York related Inquiries

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amother

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 3:34 am

Can anyone recommend a good therapist or psychologist for a older teenager. I can’t pin point what’s wrong with my child maybe others can. First she does have some anxiety. Other things are like example, if there’s a rule or she’s told to do something she always manages to go about doing what she wants with her own thought process of being right . Example school says hair can’t be too long or should be in pony, she wears it down and says they didn’t say anything , If they do I’ll put it up. She often is in her own world like at home she’s oblivious to things to help out, always on her phone or sitting on couch watching . If the living room is a tornado she wouldn’t think to pick up stuff unless she’s told and even that it’s a big deal. She seems always like she’s dragging herself and tired maybe but depresse. Could be she’s a black and white thinker, like if a teacher says something nice to her she says the teacher loves her but the minute anything doesn’t go right the teacher hates me. She can’t decide what to do with her life, college is too hard but then one day she’s all into her work and college because a friend probably told her, but then she’s falling apart because it’s too hard to study. She has monthly if not more crying fits, but like hysterical loud the whole house hears her and she can’t calm down, and it’s not usually for something big. I just feel like she’s often in her own mind. I worry how she’ll communicate and run a household if she doesn’t go for therapy to learn proper skills. Is this just a regular teenager who needs to mature. She has matured a lot but I just can’t pin point what it is that worries me.
Side note , I tell her and show her how to do things, I have other kids that do see and help out and want to , I just feel like what is it that I’m missing

amother

Peru

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 5:12 am

Sending you a hug! Some of what you describe is common by teens especially at the time of their period. The crying and anxiety is not unusual. Having said that, she is clearly suffering and should seek help. Is she agreeable to getting help? Most teens will refuse therapy. Perhaps someone other than you can suggest it, a teacher, mentor or relative that she is close to. Wishing you lots of hatzlocha finding a therapist who is a good fit. Perhaps others here have recommendations.

amother

Ultramarine

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 5:17 am

I don’t have who to refer u to but it def seems that she can benefit having guidance on how to deal w stuff on a day to day basis. U also didn’t mention how old she is. But u did speak abt college so I’m assuming she’s in high school.
Hatzlacha on getting the right help for her!!!!

amother

Caramel

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 5:25 am

A lot of this is just regular teenage hormones. It’s a rough time and most people make it through ok. Personally I don’t see a need to run to a therapist or be concerned.

nicole81

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 5:27 am

Honestly a lot of this sounds like typical teen stuff. Not all teenage girls are like this, but it is fairly common. But coupled with the anxiety and possible depression, it would only be of benefit to try to help her. One of my teens has been helped immensely by a therapist from jbfs. They're hit or miss, but if you describe what your daughter needs and they have the right in person available, it can work well.

amother

Cognac

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 6:13 am

This book might help you understand her better https://www.amazon.com/Brain-I.....r=8-1

amother

Yolk

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 6:18 am

I would give her a diagnosis of teenager. Alot of teenagers could benefit from therapy. And their moms could use therapy to get them through too. It's a turbulent parsha. Hatzlocha.

amother

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 7:16 am

Thank you everyone for your warm words it means a lot. When she was in elementary school we tried a few therapist, looking back we were throwing money in the garbage as she hated going and we pushed her , we stopped for a while and now she seems like if we find someone good she would go. I know it’s like a shidduch. She needs someone who is warm and understanding, not tough , not so formal , cool and middle age might be better for her . I don’t know: she’s a regular bais yakov teen , she has likes young , open and with it yet frum teachers who don’t preach but make her feel like she’s their friend

amother

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 10:10 am

So any recommendations for a great teen therapist

amother

Steelblue

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 10:34 am

As a mother of many girls and a teacher of teens, I’m sorry for all the people who are telling you this is normal behaviour.
It’s really not, especially if as you said she’s an older teen and not a 13 year old.
People who are telling you that it’s normal are not helping the situation as they might convince you not to help your child seek professional help.
She’s clearly suffering.
We have enough women on this chat, who share that their suffering was ignored by their parents as a teen. They never got help and are suffering the effects now.
Their parents probably had the same attitude as the posters here who say it’s normal.
Reach out to relief for a referral and then run the names by her principals and see who has been successful with their students in the past.
Most principals will know who has been successful with their students before.
Hatzlochah

amother

Ultramarine

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 11:26 am

I know of someone in the chassidish circles who gives piano or art lessons and mentors kids . Most times the kids don’t know that she’s mentoring them; just giving them lessons. Maybe the school can guide and help u look for someone like this so she won’t be so adamantly against seeing someone.

schmoois1

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 2:55 pm

She sounds like she may have subtle pragmatic language issues and possibly a subtle form of ADHD executive planning dysfunction.
She needs an excellent language evaluation and maybe a full neuropsych and then you can figure out what’s going on once and for all.
Speaking as an SLP who sees this kind of behavior all the time.
No it’s not normal.

amother

Electricblue

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 3:34 pm

I'm too young to have teens but I was recently a teen myself Wink

so feel free to ignore....
I'd say this sounds a bit too extreme to brush off as 'normal teen stuff'.
Teens may not initiate to help out but it's not a big deal when they do.
They can be emotional but not hysterical crying fits like you describe.
Her relationship with her teachers sound like the way my kindergarten dd talks about her. They're either the best or worst love her or hate her depending on the day...

She probably can get by without therapy but would really benefit from it.
Try asking her principal/mechaneches or call a referral agency.
Good luck!

LittleDucky

Mon, Jan 17 2022, 11:29 pm

The difference between when it is normal teen stuff and when it is something that should be addressed is whether or not it is impacting her life. Does it stop her from functioning? Socially? Academically? Does she mind it?

For instance, almost everyone has some amount of anxiety- if we didnt we would never worry about anything, wouldn't get out of bed because "why not stay in bed?", wouldnt consider consequences... but there is a point where it stops us from doing what we need to do because we are so chained by our worries and fears. It seems like there are times it does get to her- schoolwork- and then she gives up for a while until she gets reminded. And the cycle starts again.

Not paying attention to clean up a mess might be a teen issue. Teens are often self focused and unaware of their surroundings.
But what is going on when she is spaced out?

Does she get into trouble at school? Does her doing things the way she wants to cause any issues? Besides the hair- where else does this come out? She could be very black and white in her thinking or have some part of her thinking that gets "stuck".
Does she have real friends or people that let her tag along?

Having someone to talk it through, in an open and non judgmental way can be helpful.
You can frame it in terms of stress management for school, helping her figure out if she wants college or not, or anything else that seems to not be so "scary" and "diagnostic".

amother

Oleander

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 3:24 pm

Why don't you call relief and see who they recommend?

mommy3b2c

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 4:50 pm

This is not normal. Sounds like a lot of anxiety and difficulty with emotional regulation. Very possibly ADHD. I think you should first find a therapist for yourself. Maybe the way you are parenting is not working for her . How do you feel about her ? What are your expectations of her? Do you think she is capable and can do anything?

amother

Thu, Jan 27 2022, 12:52 pm

Can someone please post a good Therpaist for an older teen.

amother

Bronze

Thu, Jan 27 2022, 1:09 pm

I think it sounds like adhd as well however it may be something else but good to get it checked out. It sounds like your daughter has difficulty with planning, initiating and organising tasks. With anxiety included. Perhaps it would be good to see a therapist but also to go to a Dr. And ask how to get her evaluated by someone who could work out what the issues are. If it is ADHD there are strategies that can be used to help her be able to organise herself and work through these issues. Unfortunately I don't know of a good therapist but the schools/dr. Normally have therapist names that they can provide. B'hatzlacha!

amother

Candycane

Thu, Jan 27 2022, 1:18 pm

She might be on the spectrum. How is she socially? Does she have friends? Does she understand social cues easily?

amother

Tealblue

Thu, Jan 27 2022, 1:38 pm

Did she always struggle developmentally? Do new tasks take longer to learn? Sounds like developmental traumas and she’s been struggling all her life and is frustrated with handling life. OT therapy, executive functioning , emotional regulation can all be worked on

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