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11 yo dd hitting puberty, some questions
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jan 17 2022, 8:30 pm
She already has minor pubic hair and under arm hair, both of which make her uncomfortable and she dislikes. She has had hair on her legs for a couple of years, which she also dislikes. She has dark hair, fwiw. She already has small breasts. I spoke to her about body changes and all, do it's not a surprise to her, but she doesn't appreciate the changes, of course.
A couple of questions:
A, when should she expect her period, going by what her body is up to?
B, when is it normal to shave legs? Armpits? She doesn't go to camp.
C, when do I really need to have a detailed conversation of the birds and bees? I just told her a more scientific version with some technicalities omitted. It was unplanned and that's just what came out. She is one of the older ones in the class, but also one of the more sheltered ones too.
Thanks!
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amother




Maple
 

Post Mon, Jan 17 2022, 8:33 pm
She could literally have her period tomorrow.

(Or it could be a few more years too.)
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 4:34 am
amother [ Maple ] wrote:
She could literally have her period tomorrow.

(Or it could be a few more years too.)

Thanks, I was thinking that...

Any thoughts on my other questions?
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amother




Cyclamen
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 4:42 am
The general time table is 2 years from when she started breast development.
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amother




Amethyst
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 4:46 am
It's really important to address the part your didn't ask about: her attitude to turning into a woman. Why doesn't she like it? What scares her? What bad associations does she have? Does she have questions about how other women groom their public hair? Work on a healthy attitude to womanhood and embracing the changes with her.

I started developing around age 12.5 and got a period at 13. It was fast.

Shaving should start as soon as she has visible hair she doesn't like on her legs or armpits, especially if it's summer. So now. Teach her and demonstrate so she doesn't cut herself.
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Bnei Berak 10




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 4:47 am
If she wants to shave please let her shave. It's one of those things that make a huge positive difference.
Tell her a a matter of fact that everyone goes this stage sooner or later. The ones that don't do are:
Either dead or have a serious medical issue.
Sorry to be so blunt but sometimes its good to have a non-emotional matter of fact attitude.
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Elfrida




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 5:06 am
Shaving when she wants to or feels it is necessary. There's no rules. Some people never shave.
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Oldest




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 8:59 am
If its bothering her, she should shave. I never understood "waiting" to shave...
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amother




Lemonchiffon
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 9:29 am
Offer her to wax- lasts longer than shaving and grows back thinner.
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amother




Watermelon
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 9:31 am
Oldest wrote:
If its bothering her, she should shave. I never understood "waiting" to shave...

The point of waiting to shave is to see whether she actually wants to or not. Maybe she's just not used to having body hair. Body hair is normal on an adult woman and does not have to be shaved.
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sequoia




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:07 am
Why does she dislike the changes? I remember being so excited.
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amother




Zinnia
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:12 am
When should she start removing pubic hair and how? My 11 year old also tells me she wants to remove it before swimming. I found bikini wax terribly painful and told her so, but she is very concerned about anything showing by her bathing suit.
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amother




Peach
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:13 am
As far as getting into reproductive system education, I think it's really important for my child to know what's happening to their body and why.

Now, to whatever extent you want to and decide to discuss how babies are made, that's a more complicated evaluation of how and when you go about that for your child.

But I think it's imperative that a young woman, certainly if she has simanim, know what internal and external body parts she has and how they work. I wouldn't want to have not known that I might start bleeding, and why, and how to deal with that. I'm glad I knew what my body was going to start doing so that when it happened in the middle of the day at school, it was really a non event that more greatly surprised the teacher I asked for a pad than it surprised me.

ETA I was 11.5 when I started menstruating as was my currently only teen daughter. (FWIW My mother was 14--so I don't think there are clear rules to predict generation to generation).
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:16 am
sequoia wrote:
Why does she dislike the changes? I remember being so excited.


I was not excited. I liked the freedom of being a kid. I remember being so grateful that I was a late developer.
OP's daughter is one of the oldest in the class, so she will probably be developing one of the first. It's uncomfortable being the only one with breasts, dealing with periods and body hair while other friends have simple kid bodies.
My daughter is similar to OPs daughter, and I know she just wants to look like her tiny friends. It doesn't help that she has always been tall to begin with.
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amother




Camellia
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:19 am
I remember my pediatrician telling me and my mother that for several months before getting a first period, white discharge will start to appear. That sign helps me prepare for my first cycle after a baby as well. Even if this seems tmi, sharing this info may help prepare her (although it will still be a surprise when it comes).
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amother




Watermelon
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:24 am
amother [ Zinnia ] wrote:
When should she start removing pubic hair and how? My 11 year old also tells me she wants to remove it before swimming. I found bikini wax terribly painful and told her so, but she is very concerned about anything showing by her bathing suit.

Swimsuits should have shorts. If hair sticks out, too much is showing in the first place.
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amother




Zinnia
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:32 am
amother [ Watermelon ] wrote:
Swimsuits should have shorts. If hair sticks out, too much is showing in the first place.
I was referring to a regular bathing suit. She doesn’t want to wear shorts. Any hair showing would be a minute amount and probably only she would notice it.
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amother




Hyssop
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:33 am
amother [ Watermelon ] wrote:
Swimsuits should have shorts. If hair sticks out, too much is showing in the first place.


This depends on community norms, and is not a halachic necessity if females only.

I used to shave the edges so no hair would show. (No need for a full Brazilian).

In camp we would all shave our legs starting from age 12 or so.
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amother




Watermelon
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:35 am
I think halachically, full nudity is technically allowed if only girls are present. It's still weird that it's standard for swimsuits to show the edges of the private area.
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amother




Hyssop
 

Post Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:39 am
amother [ Watermelon ] wrote:
I think halachically, full nudity is technically allowed if only girls are present. It's still weird that it's standard for swimsuits to show the edges of the private area.


I respect that.

I swam on a female swim team and we wore athletic swim suits. Shorts would cause more drag and make you slower in the water.
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