Rewarding kids for calling Bobby

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 5:43 pm

My mother in law isn't well and is lonely. She's not necessarily fun to talk to. Every so often I promise a candy or a quarter for calling. Lately they aren't interested. Any ideas?

amother

Slategray

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 5:58 pm

I don’t blame them. You either need to get them to do it because it is a Mitzvah and the right thing to do (honestly, that is us expecting to be rewarded in Shamayim) or up the reward. A quarter is not much, especially if either she is difficult or they don’t have the ability to really spend it. A candy is great if they are small, my 15 year old will do something because it is the right thing or because I asked, but cannot be bribed with either a candy or a quarter.

amother

Zinnia

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 6:01 pm

Can you do video chats instead? Walk around with a device have the kids wave and say hi. You have to keep in mind that it’s really hard for kids to talk to people that aren’t fun or pleasant.

BubblyBubby

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 6:24 pm

Have them write letters, then they don't have the interaction they don't like, but she still has the nachas...

You could write the letters together

amother

Copper

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 6:27 pm

My kids school sends home a chart. If you call 5 fridays you get a prize.
I like the idea of video chat. Or coloring and dr orating stickers and mailing them out.

Can she read them books on video chat?

amother

Garnet

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 6:27 pm

A few years ago we started incentivizing my kids to call their grandparents and wish them good shabbos. Every kid that did got extra dessert on shabbos.

Now it’s become an ingrained habit, they each call all grandparents (often 4 separate calls) every Friday, and don’t even remember the original incentive. It started off as 30 second phone calls, but as their relationships improved they can now shmooze for much longer.

I’m so happy we started it, even with bribes.

amother

Stonewash

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 6:51 pm

I'm the grandparent getting the calls. I felt kind of strange when I found out there was a reward for calling me. I was okay knowing kids reminded grandkids to call, but knowing they got a reward was not the best feeling. I love hearing their voices so I got over it and decided I'd just enjoy the calls.
I like the idea of getting the kids to write letters. I also like the idea of kids calling without a reward but let's all be grateful for whatever we have.
(Waiting to hear all my imamother friends tell me I need to turn myself into the grandmother they want to call without their parents pushing it Wink

)

amother

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 8:07 pm

I do video calls and they wave.. they will show her some stuff. I try to call every day. She is really really lonely. They will talk to her between 1 to 3 times a week depending on their mood. I have a few kids between the ages of 6 and 12.

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