My son won't let me touch him.

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amother

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 8:52 pm

I'm so sad that my 7 year old son doesn't let me kiss him or even touch. He runs away if I try.
I don't know when this happened. He used to be a regular cuddly boy. But then he became macho and tough. He is a happy go lucky kid, but tough at the same time.
There are two kids younger than him so he isn't the baby anymore. But I don't remember when I stopped cuddling with him.
Is this normal boy behavior and os there any way to get him to soften up? (I have a few older boys as well and I can't remember them being so tough at this age.)

amother

Geranium

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 8:53 pm

Respect him.
Ask him if he prefers a massage instead.
Also try to find out if it's related to something he heard or just his personality.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 8:59 pm

Aww! Maybe it's a phase he's going through. Keep cuddling the babies around him and make offers sometimes. Don't just touch him without warning. I'm sorry, you probably feel pretty rejected by your sweet boy.

#BestBubby

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 9:22 pm

Sometimes you can get away with messing their hair.

And a slap on the back.

yaffa green

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:10 pm

Try a high five! A shoulder rub, or part on the back. Verbal affection might be easier for him to accept.

zaq

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:14 pm

geranium, do you really think a kid who won't let his mom hug or kiss him would let her give him a massage? If you ask me, THAT sounds way kinky. Seven-year-old boys are learning to be GUYS and that means hugs and kisses are sissy. I agree that the most you can hope for at that stage is to rumple his hair, exchange a high five or a slap on the back. Maybe an arm wrestle (let him win). You know--GUY stuff.

amother

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:24 pm

Thanks everyone.
Yes, he is a real "guy". And he wants to be big.
He wears only white shirts on shabbos with a suit and tie.
Been going to shul for 2 years. Goes even when he has no school. He's a real daddy's boy.
Refuses to listen to girls singing. I don't even know where he picks these things up from.
My older sons were not like that at all.
I did a fist bump with him today and he was good with that.

amother

Mustard

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:26 pm

Manly hand shakes.

amother

Salmon

Tue, Jan 18 2022, 10:30 pm

Give him a kiss before you go to sleep at night when he’s sleeping Smile

He’s older than your son and he Bh still loves giving and getting good night hugs. And hugs when something happens and he needs to be comforted (like when he came off the school bus with broken glasses after two kids picked a fight with him)....
and I still give him a kiss while he’s sleeping before I go to sleep at night. 🥰

amother

Geranium

Wed, Jan 19 2022, 11:37 am

zaq wrote:

Yes, my children who don't let me touch them like when I massage their arm or shoulders for a second.

Bnei Berak 10

Wed, Jan 19 2022, 11:49 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Be proud of him that he goes to shul! Seems like he is the serious type, kind of machmir Smile

yOungM0mmy

Wed, Jan 19 2022, 2:36 pm

Even touch like straightening his collar is positive, loving touch. Run your hand along his shoulders as you pass and he's sitting at the table, touch his arm as you give him his lunch and school bag in the morning. See if he'll let you wake him up in the morning with a stroke on his cheek, caress his forehead when you check on him at night. Some of my boys have very dry hands, and would let me rub cream in for them, so that turned into a little hand massage.

keym

Wed, Jan 19 2022, 3:11 pm

I have a son like this. We made a "secret handshake" for the two of us.
It's a whole ritual, but part of it is we each kiss our own hand exchange kisses through the handshake and then rub it on our own cheeks.
That's acceptable

Chayalle

Wed, Jan 19 2022, 3:24 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My 4 year old nephew is totally headed in this direction LOL.

I remember a nephew of mine, who is now Bar Mitzva, had "hug days" when he was three! He would let my sister know if it was a "hug day" or not, which let her know if any hugs were allowed. That quickly phased out.

He sounds normal. Fist bumps are a great idea!

BubblyBubby

Wed, Jan 19 2022, 3:31 pm

It's important to respect their autonomy over their body and not to hug or kiss when they don't want...

On the other hand, if he refuses hugs because he misunderstands halacha, that's sad... maybe his father should give him a few pointers...

Chayalle

Wed, Jan 19 2022, 3:43 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Not sure why I got hugged, but thanks anyway!