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Dorming for high school
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 7:53 pm
Obviously this is not talking about families that are nowhere near a jewish highs school and want their children to have a jewish high school experience, my question is, if there are good high schools in your area, why would you send your child to a dorming high school?
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amother




Offwhite
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 7:57 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Obviously this is not talking about families that are nowhere near a jewish highs school and want their children to have a jewish high school experience, my question is, if there are good high schools in your area, why would you send your child to a dorming high school?

'Good' is relative. If you live in Lakewood and you want your son to learn English in school, which IMO is very warranted, you might have to send him out of town for that.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 7:58 pm
amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:
'Good' is relative. If you live in Lakewood and you want your son to learn English in school, which IMO is very warranted, you might have to send him out of town for that.
But out of town doesnt always mean dorming.
When I went to high school, I traveled an hour a day, in each direction, for high school.
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amother




Offwhite
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 8:00 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
But out of town doesnt always mean dorming.
When I went to high school, I traveled an hour a day, in each direction, for high school.

If you live in Lakewood, it most likely does.
My brother goes to a yeshiva in Monsey and while there is a dorm option, a lot of his friends live at home, in Monsey. That's not an option for all kids.
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amother




Broom
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 8:01 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
Obviously this is not talking about families that are nowhere near a jewish highs school and want their children to have a jewish high school experience, my question is, if there are good high schools in your area, why would you send your child to a dorming high school?


This is what I can’t understand and I think it’s awful. I believe it’s become a trend and now is considered “the thing to do,” and people follow like sheep, whether it’s good for their kids or not. I refuse to fall into the trap.
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 8:02 pm
Some kids really do better with more independence, needing to take responsibility, living with older kids, getting out of their bubble and distractions of home. Each kid is different and there are pros and cons to both.

My kid was a different kid in just 6 weeks of yeshiva. For the better. He was being stifled at home and in his community.
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mha3484




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 8:05 pm
My city has finally started opening a more broad range of yeshivas but for a long time what we had on only catered to a very specific academic and social type. Some boys stayed local anyway but not everyone wants that. I’m very happy the tide is turning because I would not want to send my sons away at a young age.
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Mommyg8




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 8:06 pm
I'm very against dorming for high school boys, for this reason. None of my sons dormed for high school. The optimal place for a child - a person of any age actually - is home, with their family. In my very humble opinion.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 8:09 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
I'm very against dorming for high school boys, for this reason. None of my sons dormed for high school. The optimal place for a child - a person of any age actually - is home, with their family. In my very humble opinion.
I completely agree.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 8:10 pm
And I wasnt just talking about boys. I meant girls as well (in israel, there are many high schools, for boys nad girls, that are dorming schools)
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amother




Starflower
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 8:13 pm
An hour a day is doable. For a lot of people, particularly in metropolitan areas like NY/NJ, what is technically a one hour commute will realistically take 2 at the time they go. For example, northern NJ to Queens is technically doable, but everyone I know dorms their boys. They come home every Shabbos, and usually one night during the week, though as the boys get older they tend to stop the mid-week ones.

Basically, it's a decision whether it's worth it to dorm to get a school that's a good match or to stay and be in one that's ok, or even less. And as has been said, sometimes it's better to get the boy out of his house.

ETA that in the US, a girl doesn't usually dorm unless she absolutely needs to.
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amother




DarkGray
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 8:54 pm
I used to have an opinion on this. A strong opinion, but I see that time and experience have humbled me.
Each child is different, unique.
What works for one child is not necessarily what is best for the next.
While I used to be adamantly against sending boys away, I have grown to appreciate each child’s individuality and differing needs.
Based on my experiences I really don’t think this is an all or nothing opinion, and we owe it to our children to determine whether dorming at home is best on a case by case basis.
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amother




Dustypink
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 9:07 pm
Mommyg8 wrote:
I'm very against dorming for high school boys, for this reason. None of my sons dormed for high school. The optimal place for a child - a person of any age actually - is home, with their family. In my very humble opinion.


Why do you think so?
I think for some high schoolers, it’s better for them to dorm. Let’s say their home is not an optimal place for them or there aren’t any good school options in their area?
Some boys learn a lot from being away.
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amother




Ginger
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 9:10 pm
I left home at age 13 to dorm "in town" and I traveled home for the weekends. For all of high school.
Was I independent, or did I become hardened to survive? In the beginning I used to cry every weekend. Today I get along just fine with my mother, the same way I would with a coworker. I am a classic avoidant dismissive. I didn't have a choice in my case but it wasn't worth it for me. My high school experience was traumatic on several emotional levels (not abuse or anything) - and I was a A+ well-loved, popular, normal kid etc.
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amother




Celeste
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 9:10 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
And I wasnt just talking about boys. I meant girls as well (in israel, there are many high schools, for boys nad girls, that are dorming schools)


I boarded (not in a dorm) because my mother is a controlling vicious person with BPD who never supported or loved me
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amother




Eggshell
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 10:27 pm
I know a girl who boards (not a dorm) with relatives, not because of her local HS, but because of the dynamics in her particular class.
There are no other acceptable school options in her locale
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amother




Wine
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 10:59 pm
amother [ DarkGray ] wrote:
I used to have an opinion on this. A strong opinion, but I see that time and experience have humbled me.
Each child is different, unique.
What works for one child is not necessarily what is best for the next.
While I used to be adamantly against sending boys away, I have grown to appreciate each child’s individuality and differing needs.
Based on my experiences I really don’t think this is an all or nothing opinion, and we owe it to our children to determine whether dorming at home is best on a case by case basis.

This completely. I used to think it was crazy to send boys away.
Now I see how for some boys, it’s the best thing. I don’t mean weaker boys. I mean for some good boys, there’s nothing like being completely immersed in yeshiva life.
My sons so far all b”h fine, and my home is also totally fine but I’m thinking that for my next sons I would send them away to yeshiva
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amother




Razzmatazz
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 11:09 pm
amother [ Broom ] wrote:
This is what I can’t understand and I think it’s awful. I believe it’s become a trend and now is considered “the thing to do,” and people follow like sheep, whether it’s good for their kids or not. I refuse to fall into the trap.


I don't know where you live, but I see the opposite here in Lakewood. When I was growing up there were so few options that my brothers had to dorm for 9th grade already. And we lived in Monsey, we weren't "out of town". These days there are so many options that most boys stay home. There are some boys for whom living in a dorm is a better option for whatever reason, and some who live in a city with no high schools, but most boys stay home and do very well.
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amother




Cerise
 

Post Sat, Jan 22 2022, 11:26 pm
amother [ Razzmatazz ] wrote:
I don't know where you live, but I see the opposite here in Lakewood. When I was growing up there were so few options that my brothers had to dorm for 9th grade already. And we lived in Monsey, we weren't "out of town". These days there are so many options that most boys stay home. There are some boys for whom living in a dorm is a better option for whatever reason, and some who live in a city with no high schools, but most boys stay home and do very well.

There are zero options for people who want their boys to get a decent English education. Not one. ZERO. It’s really quite crazy that in such a large frum community like Lakewood (and the surrounding areas), there is no school like that. I’m very sad that my son has to dorm, but BH he is home 3 nights a week. Still, I’d rather he was home every night.
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essie14




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jan 23 2022, 12:43 am
Mommyg8 wrote:
I'm very against dorming for high school boys, for this reason. None of my sons dormed for high school. The optimal place for a child - a person of any age actually - is home, with their family. In my very humble opinion.

DH and I feel the same way.
2 out of our 3 sons went to 2 different local schools. 1 traveled an hour each way for 4 years because none of the local schools were right for him. But he didn't mind the traveling.
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