Love my baby but don't like constantly entertaining him

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:08 am

I love my baby to pieces
he is 1 years old
but I don't like sitting on the floor with him and playing
or having him around the whole time
that sounds really bad and I feels so guilty
I enjoy giving him cuddles, kissing him,making jokes, blabbering to him in his language, read him the occasional story, bathing him or settling him with a few toys and then letting him do his thing
but feel it's a bit much to have him around the whole morning
I hate feeling guilty
I know I'm doing a good job but sometimes I feel like I'm doing a bad one
Like why do I get excited to have me time when he goes to the babysitter
I know this guilt is not good for him either
Any advice from experienced mothers out there would be gratefully welcomed
I just want to feel at peace with myself

BrisketBoss

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:14 am

I don't do this. Like you I enjoy cuddling and kissing, a short game or story. But certainly my attention is not on my babies the whole time they are awake. I do my own thing a lot of the time! This doesn't make you a bad mother at all. You're actually giving your child a gift IMO. If he can't expect you to constantly entertain him then he will be forced to entertain himself, a lifelong skill.

mushkamothers

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:16 am

You don't have to entertain your baby! And you're allowed to want me time.
I just had a whole convo on this topic, feel free to watch.
https://www.instagram.com/tv/C....._link

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:20 am

Thanks. I grew up in a small family without babies or nieces and nephews. So I am really not knowledgable about what's normal and how much time is normal to spend entertaining your baby

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:22 am

mushkamothers wrote:

You don't have to entertain your baby! And you're allowed to want me time.
I just had a whole convo on this topic, feel free to watch.
https://www.instagram.com/tv/C....._link

I don't have instagram. Thank you though

BrisketBoss

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:23 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks. I grew up in a small family without babies or nieces and nephews. So I am really not knowledgable about what's normal and how much time is normal to spend entertaining your baby

I would say that I don't think of anything I do as time spent 'entertaining.' I take moments of connection. I know it's important to have eye contact, to be silly sometimes, to let them hear plenty of language. But if I decide that their current need is simply to be occupied in activity, I put them on the floor and let them do whatever.

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:24 am

amother [ Glitter ] wrote:

Get a job and take him to the sitter where he will have company his own age.

I do work and he does go out
I'm talking about the times when he is home

mushkamothers

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:26 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks. I grew up in a small family without babies or nieces and nephews. So I am really not knowledgable about what's normal and how much time is normal to spend entertaining your baby

Watch my live above, that topic starts about 10 minutes in. You don't need Instagram to watch in the browser. I'm having a free class coming up too (I don't mean to self promo just if you're interested, I'll put an ad here in a few days anyways)

If you prepare a baby safe space and have toys then he can play himself. You don't have to constantly entertain.
I
If you want to read a book - Your Self Confident Baby by Magda Gerber is great

Last edited by mushkamothers on Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:28 am; edited 2 times in total

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:26 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

Makes lots of sense
I do the same
Sometimes I just wonder if I'm putting him on the floor and entertain himself because I can't be bothered.

BrisketBoss

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:27 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Makes lots of sense
I do the same
Sometimes I just wonder if I'm putting him on the floor and entertain himself because I can't be bothered.

Here's a parenting secret.

A lot of the time, the right thing to do is actually the easiest thing to do.

BrisketBoss

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:36 am

I see so many posts from parents of older children who are at their wits' end because the children won't amuse themselves. And they're old enough to do that now, right? They're not little babies anymore who have to be entertained all the time, right? Wrong. You have to set these expectations up early in life or it won't magically change with age. (I mean, you can always change the pattern but it's harder and not automatic.) The reality is that when their children were little babies, they would have been capable had they been trusted to be.

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:44 am

BrisketBoss wrote:

I think my subject line is misleading
I really don't constantly entertain my baby
I just feel like I'm selfish for wanting to get on with my own things
I always make sure he has toys etc
Let's say I want to bake so I'll put him in the highchair next to me so he can watch as he enjoys it (and he'll get to the oven which is dangerous) but I feel like I'm always putting my wants first, eg I want to bake. Maybe it would be better for me to do something for HIM
Honestly I need to get a life and not be so worried but I'm not sure how

BrisketBoss

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 11:46 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No no no no.

Living in an adult-centered home is actually great for children. Children do not need child-centered activities. They are naturally interested in what you're doing and want to learn and practice their place in the family. You're doing great!!

When I want to spend quality time with my toddler, I'm like here. Come help me put these clothes away. She's thrilled.

mushkamothers

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 12:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

He wants to be involved in real life... you're not doing anything wrong. What Brisket boss said. Also he can play in your cabinets at your feet but watching from high chair is fine too. You can also Involve him, let him feel the whisk or taste the batter or help you pour etc. But just doing your thing and narrating as you do it like pretend you're the announcer at a sporting event (now I crack the egg, now I whisk the egg) and letting him watch is so valuable.

amother

Peachpuff

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 4:01 pm

My kids are big now but I was like this. I just took them out wherever I went and talked to them a lot about what was going on, showed them things out and about, etc. play dates with other moms/babies is good, and bouncy/entertainment toys. I had a little gate enclosure for one kid and filled it with books and toys and she was good there for 20-30 min while I did whatever nearby. I also worked, which helps.

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 5:18 pm

amother [ Peachpuff ] wrote:

really appreciate all the responses.
Peachpuff - you felt like me?
I definitely find it easier when it's nice weather outside
When I have to stay indoors because of the cold, it gets harder

amother

Gray

Fri, Jan 28 2022, 7:38 am

OP, it sounds like you’re doing a great job of parenting. What you feel is a case of mom guilt for h having your own personal needs and wants. Your child has to learn that Mom is a human being who has a life, needs, desires, and gosh.. even just alone time sometimes. My mom was a martyr and it backfired on her. You’re including your child in daily activities, interacting with him, loving him up... and also wise enough to give yourselves time to have your own space. Those are all hugely important. Kol hakavod.

amother

Nasturtium

Fri, Jan 28 2022, 8:01 am

First time mom here too.
What do I do if my baby does not let me leave him on his own. He does not know how to play by himself for more than three minutes maximum. He has plenty of toys and I set him up with all of his favorite toys and the second I shift my attention away from him he starts crying and making me hold him. Any advice for that? I wish I could do other stuff with him around but I just cant. He’s 15 months. I feel like this should not be happening. Don’t get me wrong I spend all day with him. But it would be nice to cook dinner before my husband gets home etc…