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DustyDiamonds




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 1:10 am
Also. Anyone wonder why people ignore Mitzvos De’oraisah like being kind to one another, which is stated in many forms throughout the Torah, and is many of the 613 commandments….

In order to “give honor” to someone who is dead, when this obviously is a custom that came to be far later than the Torah was given!

A custom has become a way to disregard multiple commandments that God told Moshe at Sinai! What a religion we’ve developed!

Sefardim name for living relatives.

Nobody in Tanach named a child after a grandparent! It’s a much later thing!

BestBubby and the rest of you: do you think that God would prefer that you do something UNKIND by making a DEMAND for a name upon your postpartum daughter/ daughter-in-law in order to be yotzei some shittos that it can give honor to the deceased? I mean, don’t you intend to live in kindness and harmony with your DD/DIL for many more decades?

Isn’t that preferable — shalom and kindness with LIVE FOLKS - preferable to the possibility that the deceased in Heaven may sense a bit of honor and Bubba Genendel may move from Gan Eden 3837683 to level 3837683.01 due to having a descendant named after her?

And Bubba Genendel will DEFINITIVELY benefit in Heaven if you dedicate your chessed and kindness to your offspring by treating them respectfully and not making demands upon them - what an incredible zechus for her!

I know that when I’m dead, I would MUCH RATHER have my descendants live in harmony than name their offspring after me!

BestBubbty and the rest of you - would you prefer that your great-grandchildren resent their parents and give their child your name when you’re looking down from Gan Eden, or have everyone live in peace and kindness and not have your name given in 100 years?

Because you can’t have both.

Nobody can make demands (or hint demands) upon another adult without incurring resentment.

PS if you have doubts about the sentence above, I GUARANTEE that many folks in your life fear and dislike you, and you are unaware of that fact.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 2:15 am
Dusty Diamonds,

If my children refused my request, I would "get over it" for the sake of sholom with my children.

But that does not mean that the children were right to say NO!

Dusty Diamonds, you could have written the exact same letter encouraging the CHILDREN to
"give in for the sake of Sholom".

And that would be a BIGGER Mitzvah than Parents giving into their Children
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 2:26 am
DustyDiamonds wrote:


Nobody can make demands (or hint demands) upon another adult without incurring resentment.

PS if you have doubts about the sentence above, I GUARANTEE that many folks in your life fear and dislike you, and you are unaware of that fact.


It is a long-time custom that married children ask their parents to suggest a name.

Often, there is no need to ask the parents because the children KNOW that their
Father wants his grand-daughter named for Father's deceased Mother.

And for generations, children has NO ISSUE, making their Parents happy, and giving
Nachas to their Grand-Parents. Even TODAY, Most children name their children what
would make their parents happy.

I named my children according to my parents/in-laws wishes.

My children name their children according to Me/DH /their in-laws wishes.

And it is NOT TRUE that this causes resentment, fear or dislike, If the Children believe
that this is BASIC HAKORAS HATOV and MENTCHKEIT.


I did not have resentment, fear or dislike towards my parents/in-laws.

I WAS HAPPY TO MAKE MY PARENTS/INLAWS HAPPY.

When I was growing up my parents sacrificed to MAKE ME HAPPY -
and now I am Happy I can do the same for them!
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LovesHashem




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 2:36 am
#BestBubby wrote:
It is a long-time custom that married children ask their parents to suggest a name.

Often, there is no need to ask the parents because the children KNOW that their
Father wants his grand-daughter named for Father's deceased Mother.

And for generations, children has NO ISSUE, making their Parents happy, and giving
Nachas to their Grand-Parents. Even TODAY, Most children name their children what
would make their parents happy.

I named my children according to my parents/in-laws wishes.

My children name their children according to Me/DH /their in-laws wishes.

And it is NOT TRUE that this causes resentment, fear or dislike, If the Children believe
that this is BASIC HAKORAS HATOV and MENTCHKEIT.


I did not have resentment, fear or dislike towards my parents/in-laws.

I WAS HAPPY TO MAKE MY PARENTS/INLAWS HAPPY.

When I was growing up my parents sacrificed to MAKE ME HAPPY -
and now I am Happy I can do the same for them!


Please provide a source for the custom of having the grandparents choose the name.

I've always been taught the parents have ruach hakodesh when naming, not the grandparents.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 2:52 am
I don't know the source. But it is a well-known custom.

If Parents feel that naming their child after their grandparent, making their parents happy,
giving a zechus to deceased grandparent is the right thing to do - That's their Ruach Hakodesh!
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 3:14 am
In the book All For the Boss. Ruchoma. writes about sending a telegram to parents that she gave birth. and asking parents what to name the baby.

This was Pre WW II. Litvish.
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amother




Bottlebrush
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 3:15 am
#BestBubby wrote:
Dusty Diamonds,

If my children refused my request, I would "get over it" for the sake of sholom with my children.

But that does not mean that the children were right to say NO!

Dusty Diamonds, you could have written the exact same letter encouraging the CHILDREN to
"give in for the sake of Sholom".

And that would be a BIGGER Mitzvah than Parents giving into their Children


You ever heard the expression "you're the adult in the situation, act like it"?
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 3:40 am
The "children" are also adults.
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amother




Vanilla
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 6:58 am
Touchy topic because I was also asked to change a nickname. (By a great grandmother of the child )

I was furious and it still hurts.

It’s my child, I’m raising him not you, and besides, I was kind enough to use the name altogether!



I did read that the neshama itself might have a hakpada and it can cause the child to have difficulties. That even if people don’t call. Y the full name to still call him/her the full name at least once a month (like when they make trouble 😂) to prevent the neshama from a hakpada... So that helps me, knowing I might be giving my child a smoother path in life.

Still upsetting, but it’s been about a year and the sting has faded
Although it does not make me particularly warm towards this grandmother
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keym




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 7:14 am
#BestBubby wrote:
In the book All For the Boss. Ruchoma. writes about sending a telegram to parents that she gave birth. and asking parents what to name the baby.

This was Pre WW II. Litvish.


Actually, no. Ruchoma writes about dreaming of the Chafetz Chaim and writing to her parents about wanting to name after him and then sending a telegram to her father to get a "Bracha".
She also writes about her father when his first son was born. His father asked him to name after his father to which R Herman responded "I already chose a name" having forgotten that the name he chose was in fact the grandfather's name.
And he chose his youngest daughter's name Ruchoma based on historical events despite a grandmother's disappointment.
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amother




Rose
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 7:20 am
#BestBubby wrote:
In the book All For the Boss. Ruchoma. writes about sending a telegram to parents that she gave birth. and asking parents what to name the baby.

This was Pre WW II. Litvish.


With your logic we should all have the custom to go stand by beaches in the summer wearing signs about modesty.

Get real.
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amother




Periwinkle
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 7:28 am
My father died young and I was waiting for my daughter to name after him although it's none of my business. She added a name from her husband's family and calls him by added name. My feeling is she never should've named after my father. If she had no intention on using the name why bother. Yes. It bothers me and it would mean alot to me if she used both names. But then again it's her baby and noone asked me. Moving forward I asked my children not to name at all if they don't intend to use it or like the name.
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amother




Rose
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 7:32 am
#BestBubby wrote:
The "children" are also adults.


And the adults can really be children sometimes
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amother




Zinnia
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 7:40 am
#BestBubby wrote:
In the book All For the Boss. Ruchoma. writes about sending a telegram to parents that she gave birth. and asking parents what to name the baby.

This was Pre WW II. Litvish.


So we use random people’s actions as sources for Torah and minhag now? And yet those of us who follow how the avos chose names are doing something wrong? They didn’t name for grandparents or consult their parents about name preference.
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allthingsblue




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:01 am
amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:
My father died young and I was waiting for my daughter to name after him although it's none of my business. She added a name from her husband's family and calls him by added name. My feeling is she never should've named after my father. If she had no intention on using the name why bother. Yes. It bothers me and it would mean alot to me if she used both names. But then again it's her baby and noone asked me. Moving forward I asked my children not to name at all if they don't intend to use it or like the name.


Think of it from her side. She probably thought she was honoring your father’s memory. Now her children will remember your father, and their children etc. The name will now be in your family’s legacy.
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amother




Bottlebrush
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:01 am
amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:
My father died young and I was waiting for my daughter to name after him although it's none of my business. She added a name from her husband's family and calls him by added name. My feeling is she never should've named after my father. If she had no intention on using the name why bother. Yes. It bothers me and it would mean alot to me if she used both names. But then again it's her baby and noone asked me. Moving forward I asked my children not to name at all if they don't intend to use it or like the name.


Excuse me? They can want to name after their grandfather and not call by that name. That's their choice. You don't get to tell them not to name after their grandfather because you don't like how they're calling him.
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:10 am
amother [ Zinnia ] wrote:
So we use random people’s actions as sources for Torah and minhag now? And yet those of us who follow how the avos chose names are doing something wrong? They didn’t name for grandparents or consult their parents about name preference.


Just pointing out that its a custom to
ask ones parents for a name.

someone asked for a source.
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amother




Zinnia
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:15 am
#BestBubby wrote:
Just pointing out that its a custom to
ask ones parents for a name.

someone asked for a source.


That’s not proof of a custom for all Jews to follow…
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amother




Zinnia
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:17 am
amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote:
My father died young and I was waiting for my daughter to name after him although it's none of my business. She added a name from her husband's family and calls him by added name. My feeling is she never should've named after my father. If she had no intention on using the name why bother. Yes. It bothers me and it would mean alot to me if she used both names. But then again it's her baby and noone asked me. Moving forward I asked my children not to name at all if they don't intend to use it or like the name.


The entitlement here over the top. If it’s meaningful to your kids to give the name but not call by that name they have every right to do that. Mindblown that you think any of this ok.
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amother




Trillium
 

Post Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:18 am
I don’t understand the big deal, why can’t you just use both names in their presence? Like who cares? Technically they have no right to force you or ask you, whatever, and maybe you are not obligated, but why can’t you go out of your comfort zone and grant the request? If they are always overstepping boundaries I hear, but if it’s a one off maybe you can just be mevater?
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