S/O Helping siblings

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Do you help siblings financially

Yes

52%

[ 71 ]

No they don't need help

36%

[ 50 ]

No I don't want to

11%

[ 15 ]

Total Votes : 136

amother

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:00 am

I do come from a society where parents support children even after they are married so im not a firm believer in everyone has to make it on their own but another thread they are discussing raised income means helping siblings more and that is just something I've never heard of. Do you support your siblings?

ShishKabob

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:01 am

There's a difference in supporting siblings or helping them out once in a while when the going gets tough.

amother

Raspberry

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:01 am

No I don't believe in it.
What is this communism? If I don't need so much money I will just work less hours. Thank you.

amother

Sapphire

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:03 am

We give some money before pesach and sukkos but they have no clue it comes from us.

ShishKabob

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:04 am

amother [ Raspberry ] wrote:

No I don't believe in it.
What is this communism? If I don't need so much money I will just work less hours. Thank you.

Communism? really? How do you view the mitzvah of tzeddakah? No one is telling you to work extra just so that you can support your siblings.

Rubies

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:05 am

My sense of the original post was in regards to siblings being expected to chip in more or easily, not regarding actual support.

amother

Springgreen

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:21 am

We've done it, but I would be unhappy if I were to be treated as a second income.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:24 am

supported my parents for many years until they figured out who was sending them money. They were pretty ashamed.

amother

DarkRed

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:26 am

I voted yes. But I don’t think how you mean.
Dh and I give anonymous gifts to his siblings occasionally.
We don’t support them
They don’t ask
They don’t know it’s from us.

amother

DarkRed

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:27 am

amother [ Raspberry ] wrote:

No I don't believe in it.
What is this communism? If I don't need so much money I will just work less hours. Thank you.

I feel blessed to be on the giving end.

Ultimately no matter how much hishtadlus a person does in this world it is Hashem who decides what he will earn. What he will need to receive from others.
We only think we are in control.

There are halachos who ma’aser goest to first and how to split it. Family, Torah, poor, israel. Etc.

amother

Sage

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:27 am

amother [ DarkRed ] wrote:

I voted yes. But I don’t think how you mean.
Dh and I give anonymous gifts to his siblings occasionally.
We don’t support them
They don’t ask
They don’t know it’s from us.

Same.

amother

Lemon

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:35 am

We don't have extra money and we don't have destitute siblings. We have some wealthy and some struggling like us. No one helps us and we don't help anyone else.
I invite my siblings for shabbos Yom tov, may buy something for them on occasion as a gift but no real help in any direction.

Blessing1

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:42 am

I never heard of supporting siblings. But if a sibling needs help and I'm able to do so, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

cupcake123

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:49 am

I give maaser money to them.

amother

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:53 am

Those that voted or commented yes were you asked by the sibling or you did it on your own? (Obviously not applicable to those who said they do it anonymously)

If you did it on your own how did you know that they needed the money and they wouldn't be offended?

amother

Snowdrop

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:56 am

Rubies wrote:

My sense of the original post was in regards to siblings being expected to chip in more or easily, not regarding actual support.

I don't know, im one of the posters. in a way it is support. If someone wants to do it gladly, kol hakoavod.
My dream is to be sahm, it's not an option for me, because food comes first.
But most females in my family don't work, and their husband's are responsible for that, which means the siblings chip in for Simchas etc.. to the tune of tens of thousands dollars a year.
I'm not judging anyone, I know how hard it is to juggle work and home. I am just explaining

amother

Saddlebrown

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 10:59 am

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

supported my parents for many years until they figured out who was sending them money. They were pretty ashamed.

My parents have to ask my siblings and me to help them pay the mortgage on a regular basis.

My father hasn’t had a job in 20 years due to debilitating depression, my mother works herself ragged with multiple jobs including being a housekeeper and working late nights for the chevra kadisha. Their finances are a disaster and no matter how much my siblings and I help them it literally feels like throwing money into a big black hole.

“Please help us get together $10,000 or the bank will take the house”
“I borrowed money from (teenage brother with a job)’s bank account to pay the mortgage this month and didn’t tell him - I need to pay him back”
“If you have any maaser to spare this month, please consider giving it to us”

We are all so messed up from this, it’s hard to keep an emotional distance and not get sucked in.

If it felt like it helped, it wouldn’t be so traumatic, but they just keep doing whatever it is they do and it’s like they assume that tens of thousands of dollars of their yearly budget will come from their children?

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 11:01 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I have a sibling who is sort of borderline SN, married to someone similar.

I'm not in any way wealthy, but you can't watch your siblings' kids flounder and not have what they need. Over the years I've made sure that my niece went to daycamp in the summer (like if I heard she wasn't going because they couldn't afford it, I found a daycamp that offered them half price...and I paid or raised the other half.) I made sure the kids had decent clothing hanging in their closet. I raised money to send niece to seminary and made sure she went with normal stuff.

My sibling never asked me for anything and in the early years would have refused help if they knew it was offered, but later on were more okay with it, realizing their kid needed whatever it is.

amother

Papayawhip

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 11:02 am

We love to be able to share - I learned that from my parents, my parents grew up and their siblings helped each other with down payments, marrying off their kids... everyone grown up and now they can do that for their own kids ... now most of our siblings are self sufficient bit def try if we know they need and that's really what family's are for helping each other...

amother

Honey

Mon, Jan 24 2022, 11:08 am

We pay for stuff like therapy and vacation. They are much bigger spenders than us but not healthy emotionally, no real job and some really sad, hard life circumstances. Sometimes it bothers me I feel others can use the money more wisely or need it more since we are not well off ourself but it makes dh feel like he’s helping out I a very difficult situation. They used to ask for loans which we forced them to pay back and he doesn’t have a problem asking for clothes and stuff (full Jewish price of course) we evaluate each request seperaly to decide if it’s worthy.

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