"Chill" girls high school

amother

Taupe

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 11:32 am

Check out Bnos Yaakov in Brooklyn
It's a regular bais Yaakov but the academics are light and they give the girls space in hashgafa I think.

amother

Lightcoral

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 12:02 pm

Ilan High School in Deal NJ

Its not officially in Brooklyn but most students are from Brooklyn as they are bussed in back and forth.
Its the perfect balance of in town and out of town girls plus very warm, loving and hashkafically geared.

amother

Indigo

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 12:07 pm

To the people who said ska bruria Manhattan
Obviously didn’t chap that her daughter doesn’t like Judaism and would HATE those places where the acediemkxs in both Jewish and secular are ridiculously hard
She needs a water berry for girls where it’s just love and acceptance and no pressure to be a certain type of frum
I’m sorry I’m only familiar with boys schools like that not girls Hatzlocha

amother

Garnet

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 12:10 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

But it's not clear if she doesn't like Judaism or doesn't like the Judaism she's currently growing up with.

I went to KTA in Philly. Amazing amazing school. We had some girls from very yeshivish places who "didn't like Judaism", do well, because of the diversity of the school. Even though it is a very academic school. These girls just needed a warm place where they could wear their hair long and down without having to be told to put it up.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 3:55 pm

Oz Vehodor besides that it’s not around anymore.

nicole81

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 3:57 pm

Bruriah is an MO school. Just because they're tznius and most of the moms cover their hair, doesn't mean they're between MO and BY. They follow a strong RWMO hashkafa

Manhattan HS follow a BY hashkafa, except that they push academics, college, and learning for the sake of learning much more strongly.

Neither school would be appropriate for a child that needs a laid back environment.

nicole81

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 4:07 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

She needs a water berry for girls where it’s just love and acceptance and no pressure to be a certain type of frum
I’m sorry I’m only familiar with boys schools like that not girls Hatzlocha

Yes and no. Rabbi Kalish takes boys no matter what their current struggles, which is amazing, but no reason for dd to be in a school where she's being exposed to girls who are wayyyy more OTD or have drug problems, etc.

There's Bnos Chaya Academy in Brooklyn that's run by rabbi wallerstein. From what I know, it's as close to Waterbury for girls as it gets. I don't know their specific policies though.

Bnos chomesh with I recommended earlier has a strict drug free policy and do kick girls out if it's an issue. But they're all about love and acceptance and they're not pushy although they do learn the lubavitcher rebbe's teachings. It's a mix of chabad and non chabad girls.

I spoke with the principal there not too long ago and she described Nefesh as the bnos chomesh of Flatbush if that helps at all lol.

If you want a mainstream school, maybe shulamis Brooklyn. Their official hashkafa is RWMO. They struggle with enrollment so they might be more accepting and less pushy with the girls.

amother

NeonYellow

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 4:18 pm

Think about Bnos Chaya in Albany.

It's very small, run by Chabad. Many of the girls are chabad, but several are not.

It's run by Leah Rubin.

Depending what is "chill" about your daughter and what you're looking for, it might be a good fit.

amother

Dahlia

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 4:30 pm

FWIW I went to SKA... went in just a wee bit skeptical about Yiddishkeit... came out viciously opposed to Yiddishkeit. Graduated, went completely OTD, intermarried, relations, drugs, rock & roll, yadda yadda yadda. Went O-OTD 14 years later when I accidentally discovered the traditional egalitarian velt (like Machon Hadar). SKA was a big part of the action-reaction dynamic in my own personal story.

That was a long time ago, so who knows, but at the time they were not chill. (Though they pretended to be...? And they did like girls to be "comfortable" in certain respects so long as no one questioned dogma, was too creative, or had a naturally prominent chest...?)

I have no recommendations but props to the OP for advocating for your daughter. It sounds like no matter what direction you go in, you will need to have open communication with the school administration AND your daughter from the outset, so that it is clear for everyone what you are expecting. And tell your daughter that if she is not happy in her school, she can always tell you, and you'll be on her side. Hatzlacha.

Edit: This morning I remembered something hilarious and apt that a former SKA classmate of mine said about the school recently. She said its a "Yeshivish school for girls from Modern Orthodox homes." So while a significant portion of the student body comes from MO homes, the administration, rules, and hashkafa are strongly Yeshivish, and there isn't room (in school) to push back against that.

amother

Bone

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 4:40 pm

As a fellow OOT mother, honestly if I were in your situation I would look into other oot schools. Why send your daughter to brooklyn? I understand you have a lot of family there. But definitely think about the pros and cons. There are many many more opportunities for girls who are struggling to really mess themselves up in Brooklyn, or probably any other large frum community, than in small oot places. Oot places that will love her and give her space. Often, girls who seem to be "not into it" in high school, do end up finding their place.

I was one of those oot kids who would have loved to get into more trouble but BH BH did not, due to lack of opportunity! At the time, I was not happy about it. But boy am I happy now that I remained pure to a large extent!

Anyway, you have not given a full picture of your daughter and your family and your needs, so I'm sure you have a lot of cheshbonos to weigh out.

amother

Lightcyan

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 6:29 pm

Chaviva HS in Cleveland.
I don't think they take boarders
https://www.chavivahighschool.org/

But who knows?? My kids said they saw chaviva recently advertised in Mishpacha, so not sure if they're willing to take girls from out of Cleveland, or it just meant it was an advertisement for them.

amother

Magnolia

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 7:40 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

(anonymous because there are people who know me here and for now I want to keep this private)
We live out of town and are looking for high school for daughter, currently in 8th grade since options in our town don't work for her. We are looking for a smaller, warm school that's not modern orthodox but not BY type either. Our daughter is not OTD, but she is not into yiddishkeit and needs a place that would give her some space. Ideally, something in Brooklyn would be great, since we have family and friends there and can visit frequently.
Any ideas are appreciated.

How not into yiddishkeit is she?
Is she angry? Suffering emotionally?
Just hasn't been inspired?
What are her academics like?

amother

Hosta

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:00 pm

Another vote for Ateres in Monsey. Sounds like a perfect fit.

naturalmom5

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:05 pm

I do not have daughters

But I was told by numerous people that Lakewood's. "Challenging " girls go to Bais Yacob of Greater Washington

amother

Hosta

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:07 pm

naturalmom5 wrote:

I do not have daughters

But I was told by numerous people that Lakewood's. "Challenging " girls go to Bais Yacob of Greater Washington

This is going back a bunch of years, but when I was in HS they stopped taking boarders. This might have changed again though.

amother

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:24 pm

OP here. We are not yeshivish but hashkafically close to it. as a previous poster said, we are looking for a school that is based on BY values but gives the girls space and tries to inspire them. My daughter can be best described as apathetic towards yiddishkeit and just interested in gashmiyus. She is not rebellious, just doesn't care. She gets along well with other girls and is friendly and outgoing and also pretty strong academically. Doesn't hang out with troublemakers. This presents a challenge, since we don't want her to be in a school with kids with major issues (drugs, boyfriends) but she doesn't want to be in mainstream Bais Yaakov either.

She has an older sister who was bullied by a teacher, went OTD and went though whole boys/drugs/etc route. We send her to an out of town school that has a great reputation. It ended up in disaster, starting from a bad boarding experience to inadequate supervision and since she was looking for trouble, she found it. She ended up being kicked out of that school.

This is why we were very reluctant to send another kid out of town, and Brooklyn is the best available option since we have relatives (not frum) and friends there and my husband commutes to NYC regularly for work so he could check on her. Still not ideal, since we would need to find her a place to board.

I would consider other places if the school sounds right, Brooklyn is just the first choice for the above reasons.

amother

Cognac

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:33 pm

What about the high school in/ near Washington DC? I forgot what it's called, but know some girls who went there.
May actually be in Silver Springs.

amother

Lemonlime

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:50 pm

I Seconed Chaviva high school in Cleveland!!

amother

Valerian

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:54 pm

If you’re open to the west coast, check out Torah High in San Diego. Maybe that could be a possibility? Wonderful teachers & staff. https://torahsandiego.com/abou.....ance/

nicole81

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 8:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Gonna say Nefesh for the 3rd time lol. This post gives a better understanding. About half the Nefesh girls are girls that were not thriving in BY and need a place where their questions will be answered and they won't be ostracized, where extra piercings or longer hair won't be an issue, where the goal is just to get the girls to love yiddishkeit. They used to have more problematic girls but I'd give them a call and see what their current class is like.

As far as apathy, I know from my dds experience at bnosh chomesh, we're not chabad but for some reason learning the rebbe's teachings and Tanya has really clicked with her and sparked her love for yiddishkeit again. I don't know if she'll be frum long term, and most likely not to our standards, but she's found her place and Jewish identity. So I wouldn't rule out chabad schools. There are a number of good ones in the ny area and most of them do weekly events for the girls in the evenings to keep them in a safe, connected, and kosher environment.

The MO schools in Brooklyn and Queens do have girls with boyfriends. But they also have a lot of good solid frum girls too. They would challenge her more academically but the level of limudei kodesh might be higher than she's used to.

I'm racking my brains here because I pretty much know every high school in the city and surrounding area. A small high school opened up call Mill Basin Girls HS. The HS was meant to be frummer than the elementary. They still have a website but I vaguely remember hearing they merged with shulamith Brooklyn. Maybe I'm wrong and if so, you can check them out as well.

Shalsheles BY may be another option. It's mainly a kiruv school but from what I know it's open and accepting while following a by hashkafa.

Feel free to pm me if you want to discuss any of this in more detail. I have 4 girls that have been in 9 different schools from kiruv to MO to mainstream BY lol and I have done sooo much research and at times I thought I wouldn't find the right school. BH it all worked out and iyh it should work out best for your daughter, too.