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-> Parenting our children
-> Toddlers
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amother
OP
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 Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:16 pm
My almost 3 year old ds is currently in playgroup; since the beginning of the year I haven't been happy with the situation. Before starting, he was always with a babysitter or home with me, and not around kids much. When he was, he was never interested in interacting/playing. I was nervous about sending to playgroup for this reason, but hoped it would help him with social skills.
The morah has not been communicative about this, I mentioned the issue in the beginning of the year, and throughout have asked a few times if he plays with anyone, and what can we do to encourage him.
Ds is still telling me he doesn't want to go to playgroup several times a week. I tried getting to the bottom of it by asking the morah how he is doing there since he is unhappy about going, she said hes "fine." More recently she's said he still isn't interacting much with the other kids, or playing. I ask him who he plays with, or what he plays with, and don't get told much. But it sounds like he spends a lot of time just hanging around the morah. I think she tries to get him to play but he ignores her.
Another twist is that, while she was supposed to have an assistant, for the past few months she has been running the playgroup herself (we're talking 14-15 kids!) which I don't think I'm ok with safety wise. I feel that this gives me reason to pull out, and get my money back. If there was another morah, ds would be getting more attention.
I'm wondering if at this point I should just pull him out and keep him home until the summertime when he'll start camp. The problem is, I'm due soon and don't know what I'll do with a toddler and baby home all day. I've asked around, it seems like it would be near impossible to find somewhere else.
I'm leaning toward pulling out....but then what do I do with him all day?? He likes going places, but I'm far in pregnancy and getting too tired to do things out of the house. He doesn't easily play with his toys at home.
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amother
Maroon
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:27 pm
Wow yeah I would pull my kid out. One lady watching 14 young ones all by herself is crazy. And I wouldn’t be ok with her lack of communication either. I taught in a preschool. We sure told the parents a lot more than just that if that’s really all she is telling you. Thank gd I’ve had excellent experiences with my oldest’s teachers. He’s been more shy and they have always been honest with me about how he has or has not been socializing and how comfortable he looked in class.
A toddler and newborn at home is doable though challenging. I’m doing it now with a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old. But yeah I would still pick this over the scenario you are describing. Especially the safety factor. I assume she is watching them in her own home, yeah? So no other classes or adults around if G-d forbid something would go wrong?
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amother
Periwinkle
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:30 pm
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Have you had him evaluated?
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amother
Cherry
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:33 pm
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I’m not sure that one Morah for so many kids would feel safe for me. But I want to also point out what is developmentally appropriate for interacting with peers at age 2 might be different than you expect. At this age they are getting valuable socialization however the majority of kids will only “parallel play” and not really playing with friends. That might be why you aren’t getting much info out of your child. But if this your first child it would be helpful for a Morah to explain this to you too
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amother
Periwinkle
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:35 pm
She said he’s almost three. Parallel play is usually appropriate for under two.
She also said he doesn’t seem to play at all.
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amother
Maroon
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:36 pm
| amother [ Periwinkle ] wrote: | | Have you had him evaluated? |
Why? I don’t see any red flags from her post.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:36 pm
| amother [ Maroon ] wrote: | Wow yeah I would pull my kid out. One lady watching 14 young ones all by herself is crazy. And I wouldn’t be ok with her lack of communication either. I taught in a preschool. We sure told the parents a lot more than just that if that’s really all she is telling you. Thank gd I’ve had excellent experiences with my oldest’s teachers. He’s been more shy and they have always been honest with me about how he has or has not been socializing and how comfortable he looked in class.
A toddler and newborn at home is doable though challenging. I’m doing it now with a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old. But yeah I would still pick this over the scenario you are describing. Especially the safety factor. I assume she is watching them in her own home, yeah? So no other classes or adults around if G-d forbid something would go wrong? |
Thank you for responding. Yes, in home, sometimes family members around but who knows how available they are. She has not been communicating well from the beginning.
I do feel bad that the 3 year old won't get enough social interaction if he's home with me and a newborn. It's hard now, but I would try to take him to play places, or try to arrange playdates. After the baby comes I doubt I'll be able to. What do you do with your toddler? tips?
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:40 pm
In response to previous posts, I'm working on having him evaluated. In general he's not very interested in playing, and likes to follow me and see what I'm doing. Even when I get down on the floor and try to play. But when we go to play places he's interested in playing, and actually has started being comfy playing around the other kids a bit which he wasn't doing before
He is my first, but I'm aware of parallel play. However the other kids in the playgroup are playing with each other. And I would be totally fine with him playing by himself next to someone else - it just sounds like from what the morah says that he hands back a lot or sticks close to where she's sitting.
At this age, if I keep him home, how much effort do I need to put in to give social interaction?
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amother
Blueberry
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:41 pm
If there is only one adult to 14 kids, I would
Definitely pull my kid out. That is not safe.
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#BestBubby
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:43 pm
Parallel play is appropriate for 3 y.o. - especially boys.
Most kids don't start playing together until 4, although some girls start earlier.
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#BestBubby
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:44 pm
I am not crazy about one adult.
But I do feel it would not be good for DS to be home with Mommy.
He might even refuse to go to daycamp.
Right now he is willing to go to playgroup, even if reluctant.
If you bring him home, DS will get the idea that he does not have to
go to school, daycamp, etc. and you might have a big problem on yr hands.
Last edited by #BestBubby on Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Teal
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 9:44 pm
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If you keep him home I would make an effort to play with him on the floor so he learns how to play, and I would take him places where he can interact with other kids like the library, playground, play center etc..
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amother
Snapdragon
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 10:06 pm
I found it very hard to have a 3.5 year old home when I had a two week old.
It changed my whole relationship with him (temporarily) because I was in the maternal-baby duo mindset.
I would recommend pulling him out but because the of the new baby issue, I would not recommend it.
How will you bond 1:1 with the baby?
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amother
Fuchsia
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 10:10 pm
| amother [ Snapdragon ] wrote: |
How will you bond 1:1 with the baby? |
This should absolutely not be a reason for leaving the older child in a setting where he is not doing well.
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amother
Midnight
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 10:15 pm
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I have my almost three year old dd home with me. I can give you some ideas for a schedule: We pack up some snacks, drinks, and lunch every morning. We go on errands together and listen to music and stories in the car. Lunchtime we come home and she plays with her toys, colors, stickers, play dough while I do some housework. Then I make dinner and she “helps”, she knows how to peel potatoes and apples! Also she knows how to knead challah dough and put things on pans. Then we wait for her siblings to come home from school. Then we have the regular evening supper homework bedtime routine with everyone. Yes she does “homework” too and makes me sign it lol.
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amother
Midnight
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 10:17 pm
| amother [ Snapdragon ] wrote: |
How will you bond 1:1 with the baby? |
I found it was better for my second third etc kids because they had another kid around to learn from. Language, social skills they picked up from their siblings. With my oldest I had to sit there talking to him and I felt awkward almost like I was talking to myself.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 10:37 pm
| #BestBubby wrote: | I am not crazy about one adult.
But I do feel it would not be good for DS to be home with Mommy.
He might even refuse to go to daycamp.
Right now he is willing to go to playgroup, even if reluctant.
If you bring him home, DS will get the idea that he does not have to
go to school, daycamp, etc. and you might have a big problem on yr hands. |
Wondering if that is actually something I need to be concerned about - enough that I should keep him in a less than ideal situation
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 10:39 pm
| amother [ Snapdragon ] wrote: | I found it very hard to have a 3.5 year old home when I had a two week old.
It changed my whole relationship with him (temporarily) because I was in the maternal-baby duo mindset.
I would recommend pulling him out but because the of the new baby issue, I would not recommend it.
How will you bond 1:1 with the baby? |
This is why I've kept him there until now, even though I've had my misgivings. More for selfish reasons of how I'll handle no sleep etc and toddler. He is pretty high maintenance and needs my constant attention. He's my first 
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 10:40 pm
| amother [ Midnight ] wrote: | | I have my almost three year old dd home with me. I can give you some ideas for a schedule: We pack up some snacks, drinks, and lunch every morning. We go on errands together and listen to music and stories in the car. Lunchtime we come home and she plays with her toys, colors, stickers, play dough while I do some housework. Then I make dinner and she “helps”, she knows how to peel potatoes and apples! Also she knows how to knead challah dough and put things on pans. Then we wait for her siblings to come home from school. Then we have the regular evening supper homework bedtime routine with everyone. Yes she does “homework” too and makes me sign it lol. |
Thank you for the tips! I would plan to do similar, however I am in my third trimester and get very tired - its hard to get him in and out of the car several times and worse bec its so cold out.
Do you worry about your dd not having social interaction? Diff is for you, she has siblings I guess..
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amother
OP
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Wed, Jan 26 2022, 10:41 pm
| amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote: | | This should absolutely not be a reason for leaving the older child in a setting where he is not doing well. |
I agree. But I also don't know what I'll do once the baby comes - I'm so torn
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