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The shabbos table
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Tila




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 02 2005, 2:44 pm
I am not sure if this is the place to post this! Here I go! My kids do not behave at the shabbos table!! The refuse to sing, fight over who gets the brucha first even tho they know the oldest goes first etc. The grape juice issue, refusing to wash, total halibaliagun!! When we have guests, its easier, but that is so rare. Am I alone??
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proudmom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 02 2005, 3:25 pm
My kids have the tendecy to make a big tumelt by kiddush and havdalah
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technic




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 02 2005, 3:57 pm
oops posted x 2 by mistake - see below!!! embarrassed

Last edited by technic on Wed, Nov 02 2005, 3:59 pm; edited 1 time in total
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technic




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 02 2005, 3:57 pm
I dont know how many kids u have kyh but how abt making a list of the things they fight over and letting everyone b 1st in turn?
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chavamom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 02 2005, 4:33 pm
My 13 and 11 1/2 year old pull the shtick with not wanting to sing. It started when someone made fun of my son (he was a soloist in a choir and actually has a very nice voice). Grrrrrr. Anyway, it has become a 'thing' with him and the 11 year-old has his own issues. A friend tells me that some of her boys went through the same thing and that eventually peer-pressure, plus her girls singing (not when men are there) finally got them to sing.

We put a stop to the goofing around during kiddush by making that an 'automatic time out'. They were excused from the table immediately, no second chance. It was ridiculous already.
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chen




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 02 2005, 5:14 pm
chavamom, would you please put your dh on the phone with mine? Wink we, too, have a couple of children, long since old enough to know better, who goof around during kiddush, bicker during the meal, make faces during benching, etc. I have tried the banishment from the table method, but their father (who is himself being dissed when they goof around during HIS kiddush) reinstates them after about 5 minutes, thus nilifying any corrective effect the banishment may have had.

Oh, well, they don't do this when they go to other people's houses. I hope.
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cindy324




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 02 2005, 7:59 pm
Oy, do I ever sympathize! First they fight over their seats. " No , I'm sitting next to Tatty, "No, it's not fair she sat there last time!"Next , comes Kiddush.My 6 year old hates the idea of drinking kiddush after her older sister, so we have a mini tantrum almost every week. Then , comes the washing. My kids start throwing the hand towel at each other, instead of handing it over nicely. Etc. etc.
You are definitely not alone
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 02 2005, 8:20 pm
You r not alone but as chavamom says
Quote:
We put a stop to the goofing around during kiddush by making that an 'automatic time out'. They were excused from the table immediately, no second chance. It was ridiculous already

Yep we do that too and it works. Usually it's the younger ones that get silly too
and U know I find when we have guests they r on their best behaviour . The secret do as we do and have guests almost every week Wink
Also each child is required to say something about the parsha or a story they heard or words of Torah at the shabbos table and believe it or not we have assigned seating which switches every Rosh Chodesh yep it sometimes feels like we r running a military but to keep law and order sometimes thats our only choice. Tongue Out
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Rochel Leah




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 02 2005, 9:06 pm
there is something my uncle does with his kids at his shabbos table. I think it would work with lower elementary kids and younger though. starting at the beginnning of the meal each kid is allocated 10 points towards desert..for any "misdemenour" --fighting, bickering etc..they loose a point..this determines their portion size of desert..10 = full serving 8 = 3/4 serving etc..

It seemed to helped, I don't know if he still does it cuz his kids are older.
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TzenaRena




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 02 2005, 9:52 pm
freilich wrote:
and U know I find when we have guests they r on their best behaviour . The secret do as we do and have guests almost every week Wink


That's our solution. I'm not sure about best behaviour, but significantly better!

However, it then becomes more challenging for the kids to get their share of attention, to remember to ask them to say their Dvar Torah. DH is discussing divrei Torah with the guests...Unfortunately they don't always know Yiddish,(or English...) so when they speak Ivrit, the kids are excluded. (actually by now, they understand quite a bit, but not enough to follow a discussion.)

Sometimes I just send the kid up front with his Parsha sheet, and hope DH gets the "hint". My youngest son loves to fill a little mashke cup with grape juice and make a l'chaim that Moshiach should be revealed. so when he comes up there with his l'chaim, the focus switches back to the kids, and the guests enjoy it too. Smile
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Purple Hug Bunny




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2005, 2:21 am
This is very common I see.
Same things by my parents... e/thing becomes a fight.. my youngest brother who is almost 6 throws a tantrum for every tiny thing,, if he can't sit next to s/one, if s/one else gets to give out the challah, if he dosent get grape juice first and as much as he wants... for e/thing.... an the girls are no quieter, ages 8 and 10, also fight about seating...and what not..
You're def. not alone Tila...
I like what Rochel Leah wrote her uncle does...
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TzenaRena




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 04 2005, 4:57 am
chavamom wrote:
My 13 and 11 1/2 year old pull the shtick with not wanting to sing. It started when someone made fun of my son (he was a soloist in a choir and actually has a very nice voice). Grrrrrr. Anyway, it has become a 'thing' with him and the 11 year-old has his own issues. A friend tells me that some of her boys went through the same thing and that eventually peer-pressure, plus her girls singing (not when men are there) finally got them to sing.

We put a stop to the goofing around during kiddush by making that an 'automatic time out'. They were excused from the table immediately, no second chance. It was ridiculous already.


The singing problem came up at our house too. Our neighbor's kids also made fun of my youngest son's voice, and he really has a complex about it, stopped singing so nicely. My older son, who has the nicest voice in the family, for some inexplicable reason just never liked to sing, especially at the Shabbos table. Recently he developed a taste for "chazanus", and we get to hear him after all. When he feels like joining in.
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shanie5




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 05 2005, 9:01 pm
seems like were all in more or less the same boat.
banishment doesnt work by me- theyre a bit too happy to leave Confused
dessert might work, but they usually want to know what there is to see if its worth it.
our biggest prob is who gets to sit next to tatty or the guest. more often than not, one child gets insulted enuf and refuses to come to the table at all. oh well, at least my shabbos table isnt the only one like this.
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 05 2005, 9:17 pm
Quote:
our biggest prob is who gets to sit next to tatty

We take turns Confused
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willow




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 06 2005, 3:09 am
I do not have tips but I can tell you they will eventually grow out of it and your shabbos table will be the biggest source of nachas.
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hadasa




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 06 2005, 4:18 am
willow wrote:
I do not have tips but I can tell you they will eventually grow out of it and your shabbos table will be the biggest source of nachas.

I'm afraid they'll be off to Yeshivah by then Confused
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willow




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 06 2005, 8:52 am
LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL Sorry hadasa.
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lucky




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 29 2005, 3:59 pm
I just found this thread,and boy am I relieved to know that my kids are normal. Do your kids sometimes get the giggles at the table?? It doesn't stop till Tatty YELLS. Also one week every one wants to help serve, and the other week NO ONE wants to serve......
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raizy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 30 2005, 10:18 pm
am I allowed to show this thread to my hubby !!! for everything we had to come up with an idea. kiddush we told the kids beforehand to zipper up it works. they make a big show of zipperieng or else no kiddush.

challah all the boys have to say hammootzie with their daddy or else they have a major blowout... 3 boys so four times go throught the hamitzie.. all touching my challah . I just hope their hands are clean.... Very Happy

then singing they seem to love that is the best part of the meal. and they love to go through their parasha weekly sheets from school.. but the oldest always blurts out the answers. so my solution is we start from youngest and we work the way up...

then we all bentch together with tattie..

one other problem sitting arrangement. they used to have assigned seats but now that my younger son is older he also wants to sit next to tattie. so one day he one night the other.. what will I do when the thrid oneswant to sit next to tattie.???
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tzivi




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Nov 30 2005, 10:36 pm
the problem in our home is that all the kids like to leave the table to play, so we made a rule. Rach child can go and play in between each course after he/she has said a dvar torah (something small). Even the three and four year olds have to say something, even if it is just the name of the parsha or who was in it. It works!
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