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How do I tell my boss?
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:21 pm
im due soon, iyh (not my first). im working in the same office for over 20 years. every time I gave birth, I went back to work after 6-8 weeks. im afraid im not going to be able to manage work and family after I give birth.

im not ready to give notice that im quitting my job, but its not fair to my boss to lead him on thinking that im coming back like all the other times. id like to try to give it a shot, but if it doesnt work for me, its not fair to my boss to leave on him on such short notice.

yes, I want to "have the pie and eat it too".

any advice welcome.
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amother
Bluebonnet


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:25 pm
You can tell him that you're leaving, but ask him to keep you on staff so you can get Paid Family Leave and then go .

Last edited by amother on Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Almond


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:27 pm
Ihatepotatoes wrote:
You can tell him that you're leaving, but ask him to keep you on staff so you can get Paid Family Leave and then go .


why would he want to do that...
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amother
Moccasin


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:30 pm
amother [ Almond ] wrote:
why would he want to do that...


It wouldn’t cost him anything.
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amother
Daffodil


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:30 pm
I would not tell him you may not come back. You don’t know what will end up happening l.

If you do decide to not come back, then just return for a few weeks to help them transition and find a replacement.

Also if you do not return after getting family leave I believe you have to pay it back.
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amother
Daffodil


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:30 pm
amother [ Moccasin ] wrote:
It wouldn’t cost him anything.


Cool but it’s fraud.
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amother
Bluebonnet


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:32 pm
amother [ Daffodil ] wrote:
Cool but it’s fraud.


Is it? Then don't do it I guess...
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:34 pm
OP, you are not obligated to make a decision now. You can also say that you are going to need a longer period of time than 6-8 weeks (for example at least 4-6 months). Once you are a bit further in, it's totally fine to make a decision about whether or not you're going to return to work.

I know many women who knew their maternity leave would be longer than 6-8 weeks (for example due to complications that would affect delivery and recovery).

I've also known women who thought they would return to work but later decided not to. This is life - and you don't need to feel guilty!
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:35 pm
I really dont want to give up my job. its a great position with great perks. and hes a really nice boss, my co-workers are nice too.

im just afraid life will be too hectic and I wont manage. if theres going to be a price to pay, I dont it falling on my family.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:35 pm
amother [ Daffodil ] wrote:
Also if you do not return after getting family leave I believe you have to pay it back.


I have never heard of this! There is no such obligation in the US.
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amother
Almond


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:38 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I really dont want to give up my job. its a great position with great perks. and hes a really nice boss, my co-workers are nice too.

im just afraid life will be too hectic and I wont manage. if theres going to be a price to pay, I dont it falling on my family.


why cant u just return to work after 6 weeks? most of us do
work for a few weeks and then resign if thats what u want to do

why burn the bridge now and put a bad taste in his mouth? u dont even know if u want to quit no?
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amother
Marigold


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:38 pm
Done decide now is correct

You came back in the past, you hope to come back now

start with the usual.

take whatever maternity leave you are eligible for

then if you need to extend, take then FMLA

and then you see your ability and interest

Think of yourself first.
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amother
Aubergine


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:39 pm
Can you come back to work part time?
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amother
Cappuccino


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:42 pm
I had this a little while ago. I was due after Pesach, so started maternity leave a week before Chag, to have time to prepare. I gave a month notice regarding the date I was planning on leaving, to give time to train someone new. I told my boss I was planning on taking 6 weeks postpartum. He reached out after birth to check in, I said I was still planning on 6 weeks.
After about a month, I knew I didn't want to go back, and told him that I appreciated my time at the company, but wasn't interested in returning.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:43 pm
amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:
Can you come back to work part time?


im part time now. I started full time when I was single and when I had my first child I went back part time. with every birth, my day keeps getting shorter and shorter.

like I said, I work for a great boss.
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Mommy1:)




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:43 pm
OP, in New York State you can take a whole year off unpaid with job protection. If you decide not to go back then you can either say no, or say that you can come back for a few weeks to help train in a replacement. But you are not obligated to make a decision now.
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:44 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I really dont want to give up my job. its a great position with great perks. and hes a really nice boss, my co-workers are nice too.

im just afraid life will be too hectic and I wont manage. if theres going to be a price to pay, I dont it falling on my family.


Sounds like a dream job. Can you afford to quit? Maybe he would be willing to adjust your schedule a bit in the beginning. It's normal to be anxious before you have a baby.
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amother
Daffodil


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:45 pm
amother [ Pewter ] wrote:
I have never heard of this! There is no such obligation in the US.







https://webapps.dol.gov/elaws/......aspx

Yes there is.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:52 pm
it really is the dream job. which is why I cant bring myself to give notice that im leaving.

seems like the consensus is that I dont need to give notice, if im hoping to return.

thank you all, I appreciate the input.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 27 2022, 8:58 pm
I would wait and see. Don’t decide anything now. No need to worry about how you might feel
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