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Guests and screen time?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:33 pm
In our family we only have screen time (Jewish videos) on Friday afternoon after jobs are done and on Motz shabbos/ Sunday. There is no screen time whatsoever on school nights.
A few weeks ago we had guests for the weekend, not friends of ours but friends of friends who needed to be in the area. Long story short, the guests do not allow screen time at all, kept making comments and shooing their kids away, the kids of both families were annoyed and I just turned it off saying it's not a good idea for now. My kids were disappointed because the family stayed until late Sunday night and they missed their screen time for the whole weekend. I know it's not the end of the world and we talked about it, but I understand their disappointment.
I'm wondering what your thoughts are or what your policy is.
I'd like to figure this out before it happens again.
(We used to have more screen time but made this change about a year ago).
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amother
Lightblue


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:36 pm
If they were my guests I would try to accommodate and be respectful of their choices. If they are someone else's guests who are using my home they need to be respectful of my choices.
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happytobemom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:37 pm
I would respect the guests "no screen time" and not turn it on at all, or turn it off as soon as I learned that they don't allow it. Can you have allowed it on Monday that week, as a natural consequence of skipping it because of guests?
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amother
Black


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:38 pm
If they were guests, who were not your friends but rather friends or friends who needed a place and you were doing them a favor, they should have shut their mouth and been appreciative of the free lodging they were provided. If they didn’t want their children being exposed to screens, they should have taken their children for a walk or to play outside (and invited your to come if they so chose).
I am appalled at their entitled, ungracious behavior.
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bsy




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:38 pm
I would never feel entitled to impose my rules on random hosts doing me a favor. Sounds socially off to me.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:42 pm
To clarify when it's our guests, I expect the kids to play with their friends or cousins and not sit in front of a screen. Maybe we'll watch one thing together Motz shabbos, if it's family. These were not people we knew really, only one of my kids had a kid thier age. My kids were very hospitable but by the time it was Sunday afternoon, I think they may have wanted their screen time and chill time.
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allthingsblue




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:42 pm
First off I would try to make it up to your kids.

We don’t ask our relatives to change their screen time habits when we’re there. It’s part of life. I think it would have been totally fine to have left the screen on. Parents could have taken their kids out for a drive (assuming you didn’t get the blizzard. In that case they could have shoveled your driveway for you instead of screen time Smile )
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amother
Daisy


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:42 pm
I feel like if you're staying in someone else's house it's their rules... Especially if you're doing them a favor. As a guest I'd go with the flow and certainly not make judgy comments. But I guess in the future if you wanted to be sensitive to that you could bring it up beforehand and if they're not okay with it, find an alternative treat or time for your kids. Personally I think they weren't right to ruin it for your kids. They could've taken their kids elsewhere.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:43 pm
They didn't tell me to turn it off but their kids kept going to where it was on, they kept telling their kids no, their kids were whining, they loudly explained their rule and reasoning and I was just so uncomfortable I turned it off.
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Mom/Bubby/Morah




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:44 pm
bsy wrote:
I would never feel entitled to impose my rules on random hosts doing me a favor. Sounds socially off to me.

This ! I often host other people’s guests and the norm is that they very much keep to themselves and try to be as scarce as possible. They should have taken the kids in to their room to read books or play .
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amother
Freesia


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:48 pm
I only allow my kids to watch toveedo but rule is that when guest in the house whether they’re allowed to watch or not, iPads go away, non negotiable. I let them watch another time even if not usually allowed to make up for it
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amother
DarkKhaki


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:53 pm
Is the tv in the main sitting room? As a guest who doesn't do screen time, I would feel uncomfortable if there was nowhere to be with my kids.
As a host, I would probably do screen time in a bedroom.
Especially on a winter night.
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amother
Ghostwhite


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 7:57 pm
The guests sound like they are socially challenged. I wouldn’t host them again. Most people understand that regardless of your own beliefs about screen time, when you’re a guest in someone else’s home you respect how they do things. If they didn’t want their kids participating they should have taken them out of the house.
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amother
Ghostwhite


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 8:00 pm
amother [ DarkKhaki ] wrote:
Is the tv in the main sitting room? As a guest who doesn't do screen time, I would feel uncomfortable if there was nowhere to be with my kids.
As a host, I would probably do screen time in a bedroom.
Especially on a winter night.
I have a vivid childhood memory of staying in someone’s home, not because we were friends but because we needed to be in the area, and watching TV. That was the only time I’ve ever watched tv because it wasn’t something my parents allowed. But we were guests in their home, it was impractical to leave, and that was what the hosts’ kids were doing. If they had forbidden us to watch it would have been very awkward.

Kids understand these exceptions. Expecting a host to keep their family cooped up in a bedroom so you can have the run of their house is inappropriate.
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amother
Foxglove


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 8:00 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
They didn't tell me to turn it off but their kids kept going to where it was on, they kept telling their kids no, their kids were whining, they loudly explained their rule and reasoning and I was just so uncomfortable I turned it off.


Honestly I would at most find a room with a door and let my kids watch there. Your house is your kids safe haven, they should have found a way to keep their kids out or compromised their standards for a bit. Also, they could’ve left sooner. Your hosting them for an extended weekend was extremely gracious and I feel bad for you and your kids.

FTR my kids don’t ever watch (not even uncle Moishe since etc.)

My brother has a TV, before we went a while back I asked (very apologetically!) if it’s possible to have it off. I probably would not go for an extended amount of time for that reason- not fair to their kids.

My sister shows her kids uncle Moishe and cartoons etc in moderation , if we I by them my kids can do what her kids do. If I’m over on a Sunday by my moms and someone turns on a movie for the kids I would either leave, decide to let it go or offer to entertain kids another way.
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singsong




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 8:07 pm
Your guest had no right to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home or try to impose their beliefs on you. You did them a favor and they should have kept their mouths shut or gone to a hotel.
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mommyhood




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 8:14 pm
I don’t allow screen time when we have guests. We have a similar policy for Friday afternoon so if I know we’re having guests then I give my kids screen time a different time. It’s not always as long and sometimes they miss it entirely if we’re away, we have an appt or have longer stay guests but I like that my kids know that weekly screen time is not a guarantee.
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amother
Nasturtium


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 8:19 pm
Awkward.

Sounds like you made a good call. I would offer my kids another time to watch. Was not cool of guests who you do not know and for whom you were doing a favor not to just take their kids elsewhere to do something else rather than impose upon you.
However, whats done was done and sounds like you made a good call in an awkward situation.

Maybe their kids were simply not listening to them. Regardless you can think how you would handle such a request to host in the future. Like I might say "hey in our house we do this these are our rules etc"....if that doesn't work for you then perhaps not.
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amother
Ghostwhite


 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 8:26 pm
amother [ Nasturtium ] wrote:
Awkward.

Sounds like you made a good call. I would offer my kids another time to watch. Was not cool of guests who you do not know and for whom you were doing a favor not to just take their kids elsewhere to do something else rather than impose upon you.
However, whats done was done and sounds like you made a good call in an awkward situation.

Maybe their kids were simply not listening to them. Regardless you can think how you would handle such a request to host in the future. Like I might say "hey in our house we do this these are our rules etc"....if that doesn't work for you then perhaps not.
That’s a good idea, maybe a heads up to whoever asks them to host “hey I don’t mind hosting but they need to know that my kids have screen time at x time and if they’re uncomfortable with that they’ll need to figure something out for that time because it’s not fair to my kids otherwise”
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HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Jan 29 2022, 9:33 pm
That sounds socially off. Sorry but they have no right to infringe their rules on your kids when staying in your house.
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