Guests and screen time?

amother

Offwhite

Sun, Jan 30 2022, 3:04 am

It doesn't sound like they purposefully made you feel bad for doing screentime, but if they don't allow it at all of course they had to explain and tell their kids not to watch. It's a very awkward situation. If I went away with my kids and unexpectedly the kids where we were staying were watching something, I also wouldn't allow it, but it's hard if you're staying somewhere and there's nowhere else for you to go. I would do my best to prevent them from watching, and I would feel super awkward about not anticipating that this could happen. I don't think there's right, wrong or blame to be had here. It was just an awkward situation and misunderstanding (their expectations, your expectations etc). I think you handled it well (and so nicely and kindly, because I imagine they felt really stuck) and you can make it up to your kids during the week if they really feel that they missed out.

Sesame

Sun, Jan 30 2022, 5:51 am

Thinking about it from the kids point of view (not yours)….
They are normally allowed limited screen time which they look forward to. Parents host guests who are aren’t happy therefore their treat gets taken away. It’s unfair to “punish” the kids for this.
I would have a conversation to the kids and make it up (doesn’t have to be with extra screen time, could be a dessert or nice supper or something special this week for Rosh Chodesh).
Going forward, if you have planned out what you would like to do, it’d be much easier.
Wishing you much luck

amother

Sun, Jan 30 2022, 7:59 am

Ya I made this post to figure out what to do next time. This family is from our same circles and most people in our circles allow for Jewish content screen time. Some people allow for more often plus cartoons some less. I had not anticipated this.
I'm literally talking about toveedo. I'll admit also being thrown off because they were talking so holier than thou about how they don't do screen time in their house and it was so uncomfortable for me. Imagine you serve cholov stam and your guests explain in front of everyone why they don't hold by it and it's better not to. There was something very patronizing about the whole thing. Saying things like kids have pure neshamos we don't want to sully them by introducing content that may have underlying messages and middos we don't approve......or it's not good for children's brains to watch screens.

allthingsblue

Sun, Jan 30 2022, 8:07 am

amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:

Op does sound kind. But honestly if you’re being hosted by someone, the host gets to decide if and what they watch in their own home, and you as the parent will either make an exception (the highlight of my childhood was watching tv at my grandparents after Shabbos! Arthur!) or just deal with the awkwardness.

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jan 30 2022, 8:15 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I just hugged your post, because that sounds so awful! By talking loudly to their kids about how terrible the screen is, they were being very passive aggressive. They could have just come to you and asked nicely if your kids could put away the screens until it was time for them to leave.

I hope you praised your kids for their wonderful middos, for being so nice to the guests, and for delaying their screen time. Make it up to them, and make a big bag of popcorn to go with it.

I feel bad for the guest's kids. Not because they're not allowed to watch, but because their parents sound like not very nice people.

amother

Celeste

Sun, Jan 30 2022, 8:31 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Completely unacceptable !!! I would reach out to the guests afterwards or to the person who asked you to host them and tell them that their behavior is very inappropriate!! May be they should be watching some of those midos cartoons!

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Jan 30 2022, 9:31 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

In our family we only have screen time (Jewish videos) on Friday afternoon after jobs are done and on Motz shabbos/ Sunday. There is no screen time whatsoever on school nights.
A few weeks ago we had guests for the weekend, not friends of ours but friends of friends who needed to be in the area. Long story short, the guests do not allow screen time at all, kept making comments and shooing their kids away, the kids of both families were annoyed and I just turned it off saying it's not a good idea for now. My kids were disappointed because the family stayed until late Sunday night and they missed their screen time for the whole weekend. I know it's not the end of the world and we talked about it, but I understand their disappointment.
I'm wondering what your thoughts are or what your policy is.
I'd like to figure this out before it happens again.
(We used to have more screen time but made this change about a year ago).

These friends of friends were extremely rude. If you are guests in someone's home, that you dont even know, you take your kids away from the screens or you close your mouth and allow your kids to watch.
If they would be your own guests, I may be more inclined to have my kids turn it off because you invited the guests.
But this was very rude, to put it mildly.

amother

Oldlace

Sun, Jan 30 2022, 11:20 am

They sound pretty rude. If my kids have their own friends over we don't have screen time. If we were hosting random guests, it's not my kids' responsibility to be in host mode all weekend. I would probably let them watch in my own room with the door closed. Ftr my kids don't have any regular screen time. Only when they're sick or we're traveling, that type of thing. But that's not the point... Someone had poor etiquette and it wasn't you.

amother

Ghostwhite

Sun, Jan 30 2022, 11:53 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Disgusting. They're the definition of throwing out bein adam lachaveiro in order to serve a skewed understanding of bein adam lamakom. Even if you had invited them they would be absolutely wrong. So much more so since you were doing them a favor.

You are a very kind person. They are the problem, not you.

amother

Firethorn

Sun, Jan 30 2022, 12:01 pm

I try avoiding giving my kids screen time, but I do when I really need it. If we're away somewhere I would prefer to keep up that standard, but I can't insist on it. Like we stayed by my sil in the summer and her kids were watching something. I wasn't going to start insisting they don't watch.
I think people are entitled to have their standards, but they can't impose it on others.