Delete | Imamother

amother

Glitter

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 9:14 am

amother [ IndianRed ] wrote:

Anyone who mitigates this, is doing a serious disservice to op, who already is downplaying a very serious situation.
She needs a serious evaluation for this child, not just some play therapy. This should happen ASAP.

OP isn’t downplaying anything. She had the evaluations scheduled before she ever posted on this forum. She just wanted to hear different perspectives. No need to silence people because you have a different opinion.

amother

Midnight

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 9:22 am

I think its fine. Maybe not particularly pleasant and giving you nachas. But not OMIGODHEISAMURDERER.

In my old aptmnt, there were 4 year old boys who were quite pleased to pretend they were pharoah and any other bad guy they heard about at playgroup and go around yelling stuff at all the other younger kids and telling me what they would do to me. Wild behavior, yes. But I think fairly normal in active boys who are hearing things about killing and punishment in parsha pretty much every week. I think saying things like this allows them to test it out and figure out what it means and push boundaries, stuff like that.

We all say stuff like this, within our socially acceptable boundaries, don't we? Like obviously you wouldn't say it to your boss' face, but when you complain to your spouse don't u ever say Ucchh, I can't stand him! Well, that's not something for polite chit-chat, but many of us do say more over-the-top statements when we are in private.

That's all your kid is doing. Just educate and chill.

You said you already had your child evaluated. They ask these sort of questions, if they didn't tell you your kid is a pathological danger to humans, he probably isn't, OK? Really. Chill. Its fine.

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 9:33 am

Genius wrote:

I don’t think four year olds understand the concept of death at all. My son has declared that he died more than once in the past. IMO your post sounds like you are talking about a 14yo. 4 yr old is a baby still and I can’t imagine where he gets these advanced ideas from.

I haven't finished reading this thread yet so not sure if anyone responded to this, but if you believe in past lives, there are a lot of stories of children remembering. If my kid said this, I would nonchalantly ask for more information (not leading questions that already have an answer, but open-ended questions).

amother

Eggplant

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 9:43 am

amother [ Honeysuckle ] wrote:

When I took my dc to a Neuro cuz I was concerned about asd, he diagnosed her with pandas and told me that there are many overlapping symptoms. I think more professionals are familiar with asd but I'm convinced that pandas is equally common. Personally, we've always been advised by mental health professionals to rule out medical causes before seeking psychological diagnosis and treatment.

Op, there's a supplement called Neuroprotek which may help alleviate symptoms while you figure out what's going on, regardless of what the diagnosis will be.

Wow I want to know which neuro this was. Very impressed. Looking for medical causes instead of a psych diagnosis is cutting edge. Pandas and asd are not differentials , one is a list of symptoms and one is a cause.

amother

Arcticblue

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 11:09 am

amother [ Quince ] wrote:

A couple of my children took a course on Nurtured Heart. From what I see, when almost 3 yo tried to beat up the baby, they just ignore the behavior and go away from him. However I still see the baby being beaten up constantly and I am just trying to keep my mouth shut and not to be an interfering MIL...

OP I hope at least you take serious precautions e.g. take Chani with you when you go to the bathroom?

Do the parents not know how to protect their baby? That's a skill they need to acquire first. Then they can implement the other junk they learn. Even if NH doesn't teach this but the parents think they learned this there is something very wrong with it.
I'm a true believer in rewards and positive reinforcement as well as boundaries.

amother

Amaranthus

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 11:23 am

amother [ Glitter ] wrote:

I agree that hearing other perspectives on this serious situation does not serve any purpose. For what? To hear people here say, don’t worry it’s nothing? No one here can tell op it’s nothing serious. The only solution is getting the child evaluated and help if necessary. False reassurance can’t help in any way.

amother

Anemone

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 2:47 pm

amother [ Glitter ] wrote:

This is normal for a 4 year old. Annoying, but normal. Don’t take it seriously, just be playful about it. You want to bake her in an oven? Chani cake sounds yummy! What flavor cake should we make with Chani? Here, let’s build an oven with the couch cushions and put our Chani cake in. Mmm the cake smells good

If he talks about killing her just be nonchalant about it. Really? Interesting. What are we having for breakfast this morning?

O. M. G.

That post should be deleted

Amother Glitter: I hope all is ok with you. This is not sarcastic. Did you read the OP in its entirety? And that is your take away?! I am way more concerned at your response than anything else.

While of course I hope all will be well and BE”H will be, this, and all of OP’s child’s behaviors, are to be taken seriously by the parents. As they are doing.

Genius

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 2:53 pm

amother [ Anemone ] wrote:

I agree with amother glitter. I read the op in it’s entirety and my takeaway is that the child needs to be evaluated, but he very likely is an above average expressive child, nothing more. This hysteria is unnecessary.

amother

Eggplant

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 3:02 pm

sandyish wrote:

I've read all the replies here, thank you to everyone who commented. Like I said, I was in the process of setting up a session with a behavioral therapist but maybe I should just jump to an eval with a child psychologist. If anyone has any good names in the Brooklyn area who they can suggest, I would appreciate that, since I'm not sure how to go about finding one.

I'm not sure if I'm just in denial or not, or maybe I just don't understand how alarming this sort of behavior is, but I find myself telling myself that my son maybe has some behavioral issues but nothing drastic or pathological, and if the posters on here actually knew him, they would see that... despite all that I've written he does still have positive qualities. Like I said, maybe that's just my denial or my motherly instinct to protect my son... I just don't know.

To all the posters who were concerned about my daughter's safety, please know that I never let me son hurt her, maybe the occasional push happens before I can attend to a situation, but nothing that I think would be out of the ordinary between siblings. I live in a small apartment and am aware of what is happening even when I can't directly see them. Maybe I should be more worried that he can seriously harm her if he knows I am not looking, I don't know. My gut tells me he wouldn't actually do anything serious. I have actually stopped myself from intervening a few times in situations where he was angry at her and he did not know I was observing him, to see if he would try to seriously hurt her, but in the cases where he did get physical with her, I never let it go on long enough to see what would happen if I wouldn't have intervened.

Again, I would greatly appreciate any recommendations for child psychologists in the Brooklyn area, preferably one who also has some knowledge about possible underlying physical medical issues that can be causing this, not just mental health/neurological ones.

Malkie Davidson 917 - 975 - 3696 . She is a school psychologist and has a great understanding of medical / biological causes for behavioral and psychological issues in children. I think she is based in NJ but does virtual visits.

Just going to stick in my 2 cents Re: how seriously you should be taking this, as a parent of a child who used to and still occasionally talks like this. It’s neither normal , nor is it necessarily panic worthy. It’s a symptom of a very inflamed brain, and the message is to take care of the inflammation. It’s a cry for help.

Rubies

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 3:18 pm

amother [ IndianRed ] wrote:

No one is mitigating anything.
You seem to be particularly triggered for some reason.

I found it telling that you think 'some play therapy' is not an adequate tool to use and then you claim that others are mitigating the issue.

As mentioned, I've seen this behavior before (have you? Are you maybe assuming the worst due to not having anything to compare it to? ) and play therapy addressed it all with wonderful results.

Op, feel free to reach out.

amother

Glitter

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 6:28 pm

amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:

What many posters seem to be leaving out of their opinion not to be alarmed is the fact that op still has a challenging situation to deal with. Whether or not you agree that she needs to be concerned, that isn't really the point. Op needs to function as a happy family unit. Not worry about outbursts, tantrums, and physical attacks to the baby and herself to the point that she struggles to remain calm. It would be a foolish to only take courses on how to parent calmly when there may be an underlying issue causing these spe ific outbursts.

Sure, and op is working on it, but these things take a VERY long time to solve. Unless you have extraordinary mazel which of course can happen. But I’ve been trying to help my kid for six years now and it’s a constant two steps forward, one step back. My point isn’t that this shouldn’t be dealt with but that it’s not a catastrophe.