Delete | Imamother

amother

Glitter

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 6:30 pm

amother [ Anemone ] wrote:

O. M. G.

That post should be deleted

Amother Glitter: I hope all is ok with you. This is not sarcastic. Did you read the OP in its entirety? And that is your take away?! I am way more concerned at your response than anything else.

While of course I hope all will be well and BE”H will be, this, and all of OP’s child’s behaviors, are to be taken seriously by the parents. As they are doing.

Lol. Everything is ok with me bh. Thanks for asking. I do have a dramatic kid so I have a flavor of what op is dealing with and I know it’s just not that big a deal. With the amount of drama you’re using to address my post I’m surprised your kids haven’t done this sort of thing, or is drama not hereditary?

amother

Tealblue

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 9:05 pm

imorethanamother wrote:

Maybe you shouldn’t take a random posters word for what is and is not ABA. I’m a trained ABA therapist and what you do is precisely what the previous poster said. You put the behavior on extinction by giving it a neutral value. In other words, ignore it. Don’t say anything don’t change your facial expression.

Agreed, I'm pretty confident that poster has no experience working in the ABA field whatsoever. This is not what any (competent) ABA professional would recommend doing.

To the OP, what I would recommend is:
1)medical eval asap to rule out any medical reasons for the behavior. Psychologist too if you can.

2)in the meantime, take data for what is going on surrounding the behavior-what was going on before, what happened after. It could help you see a pattern of what your son is "getting" out of this behavior. It seems like the likely functions of this behavior may be getting attention from you, getting time away from Chani, or a mix of both.

3) try to give him access to attention and space away from Chani before he "asks" for it with the behavior (if saying violent things/hitting results in him getting time away from her, he may learn this is how he can get what he wants).
If you see warning signs that he may hit or be mean to her, you could say "remember, you can ask me for alone time" or something similar. If he then asks you give him praise and say of course chani can go play in another room for a bit because you asked so nicely. You could also hang up pictures that serve as prompts for him asking. If he does "ask" for what he wants by being violent or mean, instead of giving him what he wants right away, you could try giving him the words to ask for what he wants ("I want space"), then give it to him after he repeats your words.

4)if you do lose your patience and yell at him, apologize and acknowledge how your actions made him feel. It's good to model apologizing to your son. And eventually he may start to link that he feels sad when mommy yells/is mean, and chani feels sad when he yells/is mean.

I wouldn't stress too much about the things he's saying, I don't think 4 year olds really understand what killing and death are. This behavior isn't appropriate and it's scary for you to hear him say such things, but it's not a warning sign that he is a sociopath who lacks empathy. This sounds so difficult to deal with and I wish you and your family the best of luck ❤️

amother

Anemone

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 11:38 pm

Genius wrote:

I agree with amother glitter. I read the op in it’s entirety and my takeaway is that the child needs to be evaluated, but he very likely is an above average expressive child, nothing more. This hysteria is unnecessary.

Am I missing something?

Are you actually telling me that a normal response to a child saying he wants to bake (kill) his sister in the oven, regardless as to why he is saying it, is to say, “Yes that sounds yummy, lets bake a Chani cake, lets put it the ingredients and bake her in the oven”...??!!

Has the world gone mad (clearly)?!

You think this is NORMAL for a mother to say and play along with? I will repeat, doubly now: O. M. G.

amother

Anemone

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 11:42 pm

amother [ Glitter ] wrote:

This is not drama. Anyone with kids has drama. This is not that. What you wrote in your last post was a sick and scary response.

I can only hope you never played that ‘game’ with your own. H-Shem yaazor.

And you seem NOT to have an idea of what OP is dealing with had you read AND processed her first post.