Delete | Imamother

amother

Blonde

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 4:42 pm

I used to sing with my kids when they were very young the Barney song, I love you , you love me, we're a happy family... etc. at bedtime just to get that idea into their head. family love each other.

teh unknown is hard to grasp. is he in a school where they learn the sedrah, and the teacher would say anything like who got killed etc. he prob thinks its no biggy, especially when they learn "you go up to shomayim". like go wherever, anywhere but here. he doesn't understand death. He. understands that it gets a reaction from you and he's getting attention.

Id certainly be concerned though and consult with a psychologist.

amother

Eggplant

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 4:46 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

Maybe it’s not pandas, pandas is exceedingly rare, though you wouldn’t guess that from this website.

Pandas is far from exceedingly rare.

amother

Eggplant

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 4:49 pm

redheaded wrote:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nQzOHAwCfXs

Food coloring?

Food dyes can definitely cause rages, as can gluten, msg and other potentially neurotoxic foods. But first we need to realize that this rage isn’t a normal expression of emotion, it’s a neurological symptom. Then we can talk about biological causes.

amother

Papayawhip

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 7:48 pm

amother [ Razzmatazz ] wrote:

I would look into ADHD.

The student that I wrote about the mom also claimed ADHD. Let me tell you, I've worked with ADHD children. And this is something separate. The violent thoughts, which are then expressed is not typical at all. It's quite scary that a young child can come up with some really creative ways to get kill someone. It's far from normal or typical. Please , please see a psychologist. I'm not sure if a behavior specialist is qualified enough for something like this.

Genius

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 7:55 pm

amother [ Papayawhip ] wrote:

Four year old kids shouldn’t know what killing is. They should have no idea which methods kill others. Four year olds can nonchalantly tell you about esavs head flying without getting the depth of what killing and death really are.
I still think the mom is overthinking it and this kid is a manipulative genius who rides on the comments that give him the highest degree of attention. Mom herself claims she flies off the handle.
I’d ask my pediatrician about it but wouldn’t be awfully worried. And to claim he will act on it is taking it waaayyy tooo far.

amother

Quince

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 8:18 pm

A couple of my children took a course on Nurtured Heart. From what I see, when almost 3 yo tried to beat up the baby, they just ignore the behavior and go away from him. However I still see the baby being beaten up constantly and I am just trying to keep my mouth shut and not to be an interfering MIL...

OP I hope at least you take serious precautions e.g. take Chani with you when you go to the bathroom?

Rubies

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 9:45 pm

I've seen this before.
Definitely look into play therapy to help him process his feelings or work with him yourself if life isn't too overwhelming.

With that said, no this isn't a sign of a psychopath like someone mentioned.
I think it's pretty 'normal' for an intense child of above average intelligence, with strong negative feelings to express themselves in more graphic terms.

#BestBubby

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 9:52 pm

amother [ Quince ] wrote:

The parents are allowing baby to be abused.

This is dangerous.

Ask a Shayla what to do.

If Rov says you must speak out, you can say you asked a Shayla.

amother

Papayawhip

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 10:09 pm

Rubies wrote:

No it's not normal for an intense child of above average intelligence and in saying so it is a slap in the face of all moms of intense children who are above average. I'm really appalled at all these responses. Thank G-d for the normal responses. I'm nothing more to add and I will exit the posts. Just please, op, seek real, professional help irl with qualified people that are not going to push your concerns to the side.

amother

Skyblue

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 10:22 pm

amother [ Quince ] wrote:

Please tell me that the parents don't watch the baby being beaten and do nothing? And grandmother too?

amother

Bellflower

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 10:47 pm

Well it for sure is NOT normal. You have your consensus.

No matter what the dx is, and it can be a very wide range of possibilities, you have to approach this medically/psychologically as well as from a parenting angle.

It is impossible to put it in context with a little post or two.

Do you have cameras in your house? Capturing examples in context will help professionals a lot.

Rubies

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 11:07 pm

amother [ Papayawhip ] wrote:

Not sure why you think anything I posted is a slap in the face to any mother out there?

It is normal for above average intense children to express themselves in a more intense way than non- intense children. Of course, one would need to help the kid process and resolve his feelings but the expression is a reflection of the intensity. A regular non- intense child expressing the same words would be more shocking to me.

Op is seeking professional help.

amother

IndianRed

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 11:15 pm

Rubies wrote:

Anyone who mitigates this, is doing a serious disservice to op, who already is downplaying a very serious situation.
She needs a serious evaluation for this child, not just some play therapy. This should happen ASAP.

gilamom

Sun, Feb 13 2022, 11:38 pm

I work with 4 year olds so I hear about smaller siblings all day long. While they can feel very strongly about the younger children, I can't remember ever hearing anything remotely similar to what your son has said. I'm so sorry OP, you obviously love your children and want to do the right thing which is why you asked for advice. Keep looking into it, I wouldn't even begin to try to label your son's angry comments but surely a professional can guide you in understanding what's making him say these things. I wonder if his school would have someone they recommend. Wishing you much hatzlocha OP!

FranticFrummie

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 2:09 am

OP, you sound like a great mom, with a tough challenge. I'm impressed that you are self aware and honest enough to admit that you have some parenting issues of your own, and that you are working on them.

I do think that what DS is saying is really abnormal. 4 is way too young to know such things, even from the parsha. When my mom died, it took my 9yo DD weeks before she could even wrap her head around the idea of what "dead" meant. She was sad and confused, and I had to explain it over and over again.

Along with PANDAS testing, a neurologist, and a good psych eval, get your son tested for all kinds of allergies. DD is lactose intolerant, and she could be a BEAST when she got dairy (at her dad's house. Mad

)

The answer may be one, two, or all of the above. It probably won't happen overnight. I hope you get your answers quickly, and that you find the right refuah for your child. Hug

amother

Beige

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 2:13 am

This is not normal behavior.

The good news he is really young and you have time to figure out what is going on before bad behavioral patterns set in.

If it where me I would pursue all avenues at once.
- Make an appointment for a top nuero-psych evaluation, it will take months to get an appointment. If other avenues turn out to improve the behavior then you can cancel, if they don't you have the appointment.
- Work with a behavioral therapist - although this will be more effective when you have an eval.
- Get him tested for PANDAS
- Try removing toxins from his diet. This is so much easier to implement at 4 then it will be later in life.

Improve your behavior - this is a hard one but it is very important for a kid like this to grow up in a calm, non-triggering environment. It sounds like you have a lot of resentment to him for his difficulties and he is sensing that and taking it out on his sister.
Therapy for you could really help this

LovesHashem

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 2:31 am

amother [ Quince ] wrote:

Nhtured heart does not allow other children to be physically hurt. Ignoring the behavior is really not at all how this method works. Just wanted to put that out there.

amother

Honeysuckle

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 9:03 am

Success10 wrote:

I'm not sure why no one has mentioned ASD yet. There are a lot of elements of that here....

When I took my dc to a Neuro cuz I was concerned about asd, he diagnosed her with pandas and told me that there are many overlapping symptoms. I think more professionals are familiar with asd but I'm convinced that pandas is equally common. Personally, we've always been advised by mental health professionals to rule out medical causes before seeking psychological diagnosis and treatment.

Op, there's a supplement called Neuroprotek which may help alleviate symptoms while you figure out what's going on, regardless of what the diagnosis will be.

amother

Glitter

Mon, Feb 14 2022, 9:13 am

amother [ Bellflower ] wrote:

No consensus. I strongly believe the kid is likely fine. Get him evaluated, sure, and op is already doing that. But I believe most of you are blowing this way out of proportion. The kid is four.